The Kid From ‘Blank Check’ Is The Worst Character Of All Time

What a punk.

Rob Feeby Rob Fee
Photo: Buena Vista Pictures

I don’t know the last time you watched the 1994 children’s film Blank Check, but I would feel safe in assuming that’s it’s been a while. You probably remember enjoying it as a kid. I had the same thought, so I decided to revisit it. Turns out, this movie features one of the most deplorable and unlikable characters since Doctor Doom murdered that cartoon shoe with The Dip in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? By the way, why did our parents let us watch Roger Rabbit? A horny Bob Hoskins being seduced by a cartoon leaves quite a few questions for a young mind. But this isn’t about Bob Hoskins’ animated sexual conquest; we’re here to talk about Preston Waters and how everyone should strongly dislike this garbage kid.

The Kid From Blank Check Is The Worst Character Of All Time

Preston’s family isn’t incredibly wealthy. They’re fiscally responsible, and Preston has no respect for them whatsoever. Honestly, he doesn’t respect anyone. Early on, Preston’s grandma sends him a check for his birthday, but forgets to fill in the amount. Preston’s father fills it in for $11, because that’s a reasonable amount of money in 1994 and a child should be happy with what he gets. But Preston flips out and can’t believe his dad didn’t let him write in a higher amount. Really Preston? This is your elderly grandmother who’s clearly deteriorating mentally and your first thought is to take advantage of her good will and clear out her bank account? Why don’t you just slip on a ski mask, break into her home, jam a gun into her face, and demand she hand over her heirlooms and rubies? I assume anyone over the age of 65 has rubies hidden somewhere in their home and nothing you say is going to convince me otherwise.

blank check

Photo: Buena Vista Pictures

Preston also has another confrontation with his dad when he goes to a friend’s birthday party after his dad only gave him enough money to ride on the little kid’s rides. Hey, guess what, Preston? You’re a child. You don’t make the rules and you certainly don’t get to complain about getting free money. His brothers both work small jobs to make extra cash, but Preston is over here with his pockets turned inside out wanting cash to rain down from the sky with no effort whatsoever. That’s not how the world works, Preston.

Now let’s get into the heart of the movie and that is, of course, the blank check he receives from a stranger. Preston’s bike gets run over in the bank’s parking lot. The guy could have easily just driven off and no one would have been the wiser. But he didn’t. He decided to show compassion and kindness and, even though he was a hardened criminal, still had enough of a heart to pay for this kid’s broken bike. That’s a very overlooked aspect of this character and who he is at his core. Deep down, he cares for the future generation. And that’s his downfall. He showed compassion to this garbage child that took the check he gave him to buy a new bicycle and COMMITTED FRAUD to make the check written out for $1,000,000!

Let’s forget for just a moment that the man who wrote the check happened to be a crime boss (because even Preston doesn’t know this yet). The only thing he knows is that his bicycle was destroyed and a kindhearted stranger wanted to right his wrong, so he gave him a BLANK CHECK to buy whatever bike he wanted. Do you realize the trust you have to have in a fellow human being to give them full access to your bank account and assume they’ll do the right thing? This man is a true reflection of the teachings of Jesus Christ…minus all of his criminal activity.

blank check

Photo: Buena Vista Pictures

So here’s Preston with the opportunity to buy an incredibly nice bike on the tab of a kind stranger, and he robs him blind. Imagine if this were just a regular guy with a few thousand dollars in the bank. His mortgage payment wouldn’t go through. His bills would go unpaid. He wouldn’t be able to buy food. His credit would be destroyed and this one moment would haunt him for the rest of his life. But does Preston have any concern over this? Of course not. He’s too focused on getting revenge on a school bully, or riding around in a limo. It’s this sort of greed and lack of compassion that tears countries apart. It turns brother against brother. It sets in motion the cogs that will eventually lead to the machines scorching the earth and plugging us into The Matrix, while using humans as batteries. OK, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but it’s not too far off.  Also can we talk about how idiotic these adults are for believing an insanely wealthy man named Mr. Macintosh (REAL CREATIVE, PRESTON) would send a child out to make purchases for him?

blank check

Photo: Buena Vista Pictures

Look, I’m not saying Blank Check is a bad movie. All I’m saying is that we need to stop celebrating villains as heroes. Preston is a garbage human being and the only lesson he learned is that, if you steal and treat the entire world as your ATM, you get to live like the world is your own personal Dave and Busters and then you get to open mouth kiss an adult FBI agent. Remember that scene? Just a casual moment with an adult woman kissing a non-relative child on the mouth?? Yeah, that’s super chill!

And while we’re on the subject: Conspiracy: Uncle Frank Was Behind Everything In Home Alone