Man On Craigslist Will Cook Crab Gnocchi For Any Couple While They Hump

But you have to spring for the crab.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo:  alynst (Getty)

I spent almost a full year living just outside of our nation’s capital, and I have no problem saying that people in Maryland are some of the finest folks you’ll ever meet in this great country. They’ll take you out on their boats for some quality fishing, laugh at your jokes if you’re on the stage at a Baltimore comedy club and even buy you a brewski if you tell them that you didn’t vote for Trump.

Plus, there are people like this guy who will come to your place and cook up some tasty crab gnocchi while you and your partner are getting your fuck on. And it’s not like you have to jackhammer her on the kitchen table while he stirs the pot on the cabinet behind you. He’ll be the one in the kitchen while you and your lover hump in the room of your choice.

Even better? You guessed it: He’s not going to eat any of the crab gnocchi that he just made for you. When you’re done taking your girl to pound town, he’ll let himself out, and you can enjoy the dish “at your leisure.”

There is one catch, however. You’ll be the one who has to supply the crab, as he’s the one who is going to be coming over to your house while you plow. Really, he’s doing all the work while you play, so you’re going to have to be good for something.

Now at this point, you might be asking yourself, where could I possibly find a “gentleman” like this? Well, on Craigslist, of course.

Don’t be a dick, guys. Serious people only.

h/t BroBible

To the pretty woman on the G who threw up on me: Unfortunate But Hilarious Missed Connections on Craigslist