Photo: Zelma Brezinska / EyeEm (Getty)
They truly are man’s best friend.
Now there are folks out there that have sex with dogs, like this trash bag of a mailman that was caught hooking up with a dog, or like that woman who had sex with a dog while another dude filmed it. And people like that are pretty useless. But now there’s Thomas Bloedel. Bloedel didn’t have sex with his dog, no. Bloedel just got him drunk.
The 44-year-old was arrested recently after he crashed his SUV into a pole outside of a house, and was later discovered to have been drunk. Now that happens a lot unfortunately. But here’s where the story gets weird. Bloedel’s Chihuahua was in the SUV with him, and get this: the dog was also drunk.
According to investigators, the dog apparently drank some Vodka from a spilled bottle of Smirnoff that had been in Bloedel’s lap. After cops tossed Bloedel into the back of their car, they returned to find the dog, named Maxwell, drinking all that spilled vodka in the car.
After being taken to a vet, Maxwell was found to have dilated eyes, and he also stumbled while he walked. Go home, Maxwell, you’re drunk. But don’t worry, folks, Maxwell was treated and was completely fine. Just a tad hungover afterwards, I’m sure.
Bloedel sounds like he didn’t want all the attention on his dog, because according to the criminal complaint Bloedel kept yelling “monkey dicks” while on the way to jail. Damn, monkey dicks.
Bloedel was eventually charged with DUI, animal cruelty, criminal mischief, careless driving, and making terroristic threats — and that’s because he threatened to kill various police officers.
Let’s just hope Maxwell can go off to hang out with a better owner when this is all said and done.
h/t The Smoking Gun