Photo: YakobchukOlena (Getty Images)
Beards have always been controversial subjects, since the beginning of time (or at least since men invented razors). Whether you should cut off this God-given gift or nurture it until it grows into a beautiful natural bush is one of those incredibly difficult questions, along with the meaning of life and existence of aliens. The answer, like most other things, depends on whether the opposite sex likes it or not, so to solve this ancient puzzle, we need to look into the minds of women and rummage through the chaos. We hope that you really appreciate our sacrifice. So, let’s get to it – do women like beards or do they despise them?
First of all, let’s talk about some of the advantages of having a beard. One of the main reasons men grow beards is because it happens naturally, they don’t have to do a thing. Beard is basically, a procrastinator’s best friend. You get to watch something come to life purely by your inaction. What’s more amazing than that? Another reason why men love beards is that they inarguably make them look wiser and more mature, like in the ancient times. Stroking your beard while you contemplate a tough decision, makes every word you say an instant wisdom in the eyes of others. When it comes to health benefits, beards protect your skin from the wind, rain, snow, lightning, forest fires, tornados, and obnoxious people. As you can see, there are a lot of reasons why one would sport a beard.
Of course, having a beard also has its set of disadvantages and seeing how this is a completely objective article, we had to mention them as well. Firstly, your beard often functions as a scruffy net for a lot of impurities, pieces of food, and even as a death trap for small animals. Sure, you can groom it daily, but the effort automatically negates the purpose of a beard. Another bad side of having a beard is that if you ever choose to wear some sweatpants, people might think you’re a bum. So, you’ll have to forget about any gala events and fancy business environments as it will all be beyond your reach. Finally, the most annoying thing about beards is that it, in turn, might annoy your better half. Depending on your beard’s texture and length, it could trouble her more or less, especially if you produce some unwanted tingling sensations during every single kiss.
Do Women Like Beards?
So, what is the female perspective on this? Well, according to a number of polls, conducted by some of the most eminent researchers in the field (not us), women seem to like beards, but in an expectedly effeminate way. What does this even mean? It means that most of them enjoy a well-groomed beard, some of them even mentioning conditioners (we are not sure what these miracle potions are, but they probably aim to rid your beard of its manliness). Of course, we can’t generalize this. Some women also enjoy a scruffy beard, because it gives them an impression that they’re dating a wild character that doesn’t really care about his looks. In the poll, there was also a laughable percentage of women that enjoyed clean-shaven men, but they were obviously delirious or making a joke.
Yes, women love beards and though some of their demands about it seem ludicrous, there are ways of evading them successfully, you just need to remember these small tips. For example, if you were a hairless choir boy when you first started dating and then try to grow a beard in the relationship, chances are she’ll object to this outrageous behavior. However, if you’ve already had a thick beard when you met her, she probably fell in love with it as well and shaving it off would be not only a crime towards nature but also a grave danger to your relationship. Also, she might ask you to trim it down to look presentable for a night out, but all you need to do is explain that then you’ll be more attractive to the other girls and she’ll quickly forget about it.
So there you have it. Do women like beards? Obviously yes, but not on themselves. That would be a bit weird. Except in a circus. Actually, people used to pay a lot of money to see that. Bearded women can be quite unique. One even won the Eurovision contest. OK, we drifted off a little bit.