Hamptons Bachelors Are Getting Vasectomies In Droves Fearing Gold Diggers

Taking that east coast trip? Better get the snip!

Josh Helmuthby Josh Helmuth
Photo: pius99 (Getty)

What happens in Vegas may ‘stay in Vegas.’ But dudes who hit up the Hamptons know anything that happens in the Hamptons could haunt you for the next 18 years … and they’re not taking any chances.

According to the New York Post, rich bachelors who vacation in the Hamptons during summer are flocking to urologists in unprecedented numbers to get vasectomies because, well, they fear it’s their only defense against gold diggers.

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Not that kind of gold digger.

This kind.

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New York Post

“There’s a spike in single guys” who get the procedure in spring and early summer, said Dr. David Shusterman, a urologist in Midtown.

“This extortion happens all the time. Women come after them. [They get pregnant and] want a ransom payment,” said Shusterman. “Some guys do an analysis of the cost — for three days of discomfort [after a vasectomy], it’s worth millions of dollars to them.

“I never see a poor guy [asking] for a vasectomy,” he added. “Rich guys are a population that’s abused a lot.”

That’s right. Condoms, birth control — not an option. These rich bros are sleeping with a different woman every weekend and so they are getting snipped. And if their horror stories are true, can you blame them?

One man who spoke with the newspaper said women are constant trying to “trick him” by saying ‘I love you, we don’t need a condom.’ Another claims he caught a woman trying to impregnate herself with his used condom moments after sex.

She offered to dispose of the used condom, but when she was in the bathroom for a while, John got suspicious. He found the woman seated on the toilet and inserting his semen inside her.

“She denied it, but she tried to get herself pregnant,” said John, who grabbed a towel and made her clean herself and then shower. “After that, I have to be a lot more careful.”

2017 is rough for the wealthy, single male. As if the cost of insurance for the new Porsche weren’t expensive enough, now you have to freeze your sperm and spend another grand gettin’ clipped.

First world problems? Mmhmm.

But if you were one of these guys, wouldn’t you want a healthy dose of assurance with your shot of Penicillin?

According to professionals, it can take up to three months for sperm to be 100 percent eliminated from ejaculate following a vasectomy. Considering the unofficial start to summer was this past Memorial Day weekend, let’s hope these Wall Street weenies got ‘theirs’ done before Valentine’s Day. In New York, child support is at least 17 percent of a father’s salary up to $400,000 — could be more past that. You do the math.

Now check this story out: NFL Cornerback’s Wife Pregnant With His 14th Kid, Which Is Somehow His 4th After Getting A Vasectomy


Josh Helmuth is a contributor for Mandatory and the editor of Crave Sports