Small Penis? Here’s How to Get Around Your Shortcomings

We're just being honest here.

CraveOnlineby CraveOnline
Photo: Darkroomluster (Getty Images)

Pretty much everything in a man’s life revolves around his penis. It is what defines his as a male specimen and, therefore, needs to be as glorious as he considers himself to be. However what happens if your reproductive organ isn’t exactly how you imagined it? What if girl after girl, all you get are snotty comments, covert giggles or hand gestures showing off your minute size? In other words, what if you have a small penis? Despite what many spamming pop-up ads tell you, this condition is rather untreatable, so you might as well learn how to deal with it. Because we understand the anguish you must be feeling, here are a couple of ways you can handle this condition.

Buy Stuff

You know how girls usually say that when a man has a huge house or a car, he’s actually overcompensating for something? Well, most of the time they’re right, but it doesn’t change the fact that they love big cars and big houses. Simply be a little more diligent at work, grab a promotion or two, and buy yourself the best Ferrari money can buy. Sure, you’ll hear a comment or two about compensating but the truth is that no one cares. You can always blow away those people with your powerful V12 engine and horsepower worthy of an ancient battlefield. Hopefully, your dates will be so overwhelmed by all the things you can afford that they’ll ignore your tiny penis and its unattractiveness. You could also have sex in the seat of your Ferrari because you know that objects may appear bigger in the rearview mirror.

Work Out

This is yet another way of compensating, but it’s much more focused on your physical appearance and requires more effort than money. Basically, you just go and hit the gym daily, until you’re as buffed as Schwarzenegger back in his pre-mayor days. The sky is the limit, especially if you start using illegal substances and steroids to aid you in your bodybuilding endeavors. The reason why most of other people fear using these supplements is that they can actually decrease your manhood over time. Fortunately for you, this is something you don’t have to worry about. How small can it get, really? So, the idea is that you’ll have such a legendary figure that girls won’t be able to take their hands off your rock-hard abs and won’t even realize that you possess a baby penis. Even better, once you start feeling that dopamine rush from all the workouts, you won’t even be interested in sex anymore. Who needs sex when you have the gym, right?

Virgins

One of the more easier options is having sex strictly with virgins. Wise men have said that you can’t know what’s good until you’ve witnessed some evil. You always need something to compare, to tell you what’s normal and what’s not. If a girl doesn’t know what is considered a small penis, she can’t laugh her life out at it. For a virgin, even the smallest penis is still big enough and even somewhat painful. Of course, there’s the little problem of finding actual virgins in today’s world filled with sex-crazed people. Well, your best bet would be to go to a remote part of the country, or even the world and find some country girl who has never seen a TV or a computer, let alone the internet. Another option would be a female-only monastery, but that’s a bit tricky considering they’re sworn to celibacy and might require some persuading.

Philosophy

Finally, if all else fails, you could try to start a new trend where small penises are much more appreciated and valued in our society. For example, have you ever wondered why those famous antique sculptures portrayed men with the smallest penises ever? Take Michelangelo’s David for instance. It is one of the best-known works of art in our history and every year, millions of people (at least half of them women) go to see it and admire its perfect shape. Well, back in the classical era, small penises were actually considered far more attractive and comely. If you had a little penis in the ancient Greece, you could go around naked all you want and people would greet you with the utmost respect. Now you wish you lived in those times, eh? Well, it’s up to you to bring them back and help all those that share your microscopic fate, so get to work.

Understandably, if we say “leave a comment if you also have a small penis” no one will ever do it. However, we could say – feel free to share the stories of people you know that suffer from this natural affliction. That sounds better, right?