Photo: Scott Olson (Getty)
Chlamydia would have been a welcome alternative to what happened to a 70-year-old Waukesha man after he ordered himself a hooker earlier this month.
According to WISN, Dennis Pastorius was stabbed in the shoulder by 32-year-old Tiedanesha Eubanks after he refused to…wait for it…give her some edible panties. Eubanks was charged with prostitution and first degree reckless endangerment, but like the majority of arrests involving prostitutes, there seems to be two sides of the story to what went down on June 11.
Here is what Pastorius said about it:
“He went on the bus with her downtown back to his apartment and asked if she wanted to come up to his room. They were drinking a beer at that time and they agreed to have sex for money. After finishing having sex, she asked for the money and he stated he didn’t have any. She saw some money, specifically quarters, in his room and he did agree to give her $2 in quarters and an alcoholic beverage. She then noticed a couple of packages which were later identified as edible panties. He stated these were for some other females. She stated she wanted one but he wouldn’t give her one because they were $9. He then noted that she had a knife in her hand and he tried to defend himself and may have punched her in the face but she stabbed him in the shoulder with a knife. She then threw one of the packages and kept one.”
Two bucks in quarters is all he had and he refused to hand over a pair of $9 edible panties in exchange for a hump? Geez. Let’s see what Eubanks had to say about why things turned out the way they did:
“She stated that she saw her friend Pastorius at the Metro city bus station and he invited her back to the residence. She stated that they hung out for a while and she was going to leave and Pastorius offered her a set of crotch-less panties as a gift if she stayed. Eubanks advised she and Pastorius had sex prior to her departure. She states she was getting ready to leave and Pastorius did not want to give her the edible panties as agreed upon. She stated she would take them anyway. She stated at that point Dennis started to yell at her and struck her in the face. After he struck her in the face, he immediately reached around in the apartment. She believed he was trying to access some sort of gun so she grabbed a knife out of her purse. She stated she held the knife in her hand as Pastorius came towards her to attack her. She stated that when he swung to hit her again, the knife inadvertently stabbed him. She states she did not know where he was stabbed and the blade of the knife broke off from the handle. She got her items and left the apartment after that.”
My conclusion? You guessed it: I feel pretty damn good about how things are going in my life.