New Study Suggests Humping Once A Week Keeps Women Young

Then porn stars must feel like they are forever young.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: photosassy (Getty)

Who needs pickup lines at bar time when all you have to do now is tell the smokeshow to your right is that if she wants to live longer, then it would be in her best interest to come back to your place and bump uglies?

According to Cosmopolitan, having sex once a week might deliver the benefit of prolonging a woman’s life, and that’s according to the results of a small study first published online in the medical journal…wait until you see this fucking name…Psychoneuroendocrinology in March that’s finally being picked up by the mainstream media.

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It all comes down to DNA strand protectors called telomeres, and researchers studied these things in 129 couples who were in “committed relationships.” Women who said they’re plowing their man at least once during the week had significantly longer telomeres, and that’s a very good thing since you’re more likely to develop a “degenerative disease and premature death” as those telomeres get shorter.

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Researchers said that it is quite possible that healthy women are simply more sexually active than those who gave up on their physique sometime during Obama’s first term.

No word on what sex at least once a week does to “committed” men other than keep them from visiting hookers.

Warren Beaty has worked the population of a small town: 10 Famous Men Who Have Had Sex With Over 2,000 Women