New Jersey Beaches Close Because Of Way Too Much Poop

Jersey Shore? More like Jersey Sh*t.

Erik Fontanezby Erik Fontanez
Photo: michelsun (Getty)

When you go to the beach, your intentions include enjoying the sun, water, sand and the cool ocean breeze from nature’s incredible seas. With the beach comes a few expected agitations — trash, smelly people, the stank eye your girlfriend gives you when you check out that woman in a tiny bikini. You’ve accepted these things as part of the beach-going experience.

Another thing you’ve likely accepted is that every so often someone craps out a log in the water, setting it to sail on its merry way and becoming one with the ocean. Based on what’s going on in New Jersey, a few too many logs are being sent out to sea.

New Jersey Beaches Close Because Of Way Too Much Poop

According to the state’s Department of Environmental Protection, heavy rains have carried some nasty bacteria and caused the local beaches to exceed levels considered reasonable. Yup, the Jersey Shore has gone to shit.

DEP spokesperson Lawrence Hajna gave an explanation, according to the New York Post:

“Rainfall carries bacteria, typically from animal droppings, into stormwater collection systems that usually discharge into a body of water.”

The state posts advisories when there’s too much enterococci in the water. What’s enterococci? Glad you asked. It’s bacteria found in human and animal waste. Yum!

So if you’re in the Northeast, try to stay away from the beaches. Unless you’re into swimming in a toilet. If that’s the case, ain’t shit stopping you from having a good time.

You can also run into this: Naked Michigan Man Arrested After Chasing Seagulls On The Beach