California Music Teacher Allegedly Fills Students’ Flutes With Semen

Hitting the high C just got a bit more difficult.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: Hybrid Images (Getty)

Never before have I been happier that I don’t have a kid who enjoys playing the flute or any musical instrument for that matter. Hell, come to think of it, I don’t even have a kid.

Anyway, according to Fox News, California state officials are investigating whether or not a music teacher decided to jizz all over a bunch of colorful flutes that were then handed out to students in several schools.

gross

If you have a kid in school in California, this is the part where you’re really going to want to start paying attention.

Fox News

School districts in Fountain Valley, Los Angeles, Fullerton, Inland Empire, Fullerton, Chatsworth, Capistrano Unified and Newport-Mesa have all sent home statements to parents notifying them of the ongoing investigation. Los Angeles Unified School District said at least 13 school districts might have been affected in southern California.

The name of the sick fuck teacher is being withheld, but officials did say that he was an “independent contractor” who “administered a music program for students at some schools.” And once you throw in the fact that the flutes were all part of a program called “Flutes Across the World,” it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out who this pervert is.

It’s unknown what exact method the teacher used to contaminate the flutes, but let’s be honest: Does it even matter? No matter how he did it, it won’t change the fact that it was fucking gross and disturbing.

I don’t think this is just Folgers in my cup: Minnesota Man Admits to Putting His Semen in Coworker’s Coffee