Scientists Have Grossly Underestimated How Much Cow Farts Impact Climate Change

Thanks a lot, Wisconsin.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: AndrewJShearer (Getty)

Silent or not, it appears as though they’re all deadly.

According to Tech Times, carbon dioxide is often fingered as the main culprit behind global warming, but methane is actually “85 times more potent when it comes to trapping heat.”

A major source of that methane that has been overlooked by scientists until now? Yup, you guessed it – cow farts.

farts

Researchers conducting a new study came to the conclusion that previous estimates of cow fart damage were off by…wait for it…11 percent.

“In many regions, livestock numbers are changing, and breeding has resulted in larger animals with higher intakes of food,” USDA plant physiologist Julie Wolf said. “This, along with changes in livestock management, can lead to higher methane emissions.”

The solution to eliminate cow farts isn’t an easy one. I mean, I for one am not becoming a fucking vegan. Perhaps we can start by sending letters to every livestock owner to make sure none of them are feeding their animals anything from Taco Bell and then washing it down with a sixer of Pabst.

cow

And why stop at just cows? Anybody who has ever been around my uncles would tell you that when they get together for cards night, their rate of methane emission definitely goes up tenfold.

Probably the worst day ever to be a firefighter: 90 German Cows Start Fire By Farting