Continuous Public Masturbation Nets Oregon Man More Than Two Years In Jail

If you're going to play with yourself you have to be by yourself.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: Ghislain & Marie David de Lossy (Getty)

I believe it was Mr. Owl in the old Tootsie Pop commercials who said that it only takes three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop, but if you’re wondering how many times you can jerk off in public over a two-year period before they finally throw you in an Oregon prison, the answer is “at least five.”

According to The Oregonian, 24-year-old William James Wimberly Jr. was recently sentenced to 2.5 years behind bars for punching his clown in public places such as a baby clothing store and library over the last two years.

Continuous Public Masturbation Nets Oregon Man More Than Two Years In Jail

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Here’s something you don’t want to see on your resume:

The Oregonian

“Authorities say that in the past two years, Wimberly has exposed himself while at the Hollywood Library in Northeast Portland, while sitting on a bench next to a woman at the Parkrose Transit Station and while inside businesses in the Hawthorne, Belmont and Sellwood neighborhoods. In all, he’s now been banned from stepping foot in 11 businesses.”

It should be noted that Wimberly not only suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome, but he also has a low IQ, a combination that apparently makes you the horniest guy in town.

Hold the mayo, please: Florida Man Arrested For Masturbating Inside A Burger King