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Some Dude Is Masturbating And Picking His Nose On The NYC Subway

Photo: SchulteProductions (Getty)

They’re calling him the “Nose-Picking Masturbator,” and he’s making the morning commute to work in New York far less enjoyable that it has ever been.

According to NBC New York, authorities are looking for an asshole who has been seen punching his clown while picking his nose on the NYC Subway twice in the last month.

Some Dude Is Masturbating And Picking His Nose On The NYC Subway

The first jerk sesh went down at the beginning of October on a “northbound E train at 53rd Street during the height of the morning rush” and was reported by a 34-year-old woman who was less than thrilled about it. About two weeks later on October 11,  a 32-year-old man riding a “southbound A train at 14th Street reported seeing the same guy masturbating on the train.”

The suspect is said to be between 50 and 60 years old, 6 feet tall and between “200 to 250 pounds.” He was last seen wearing a light jacket with blue jeans, but odds are you’ll best be able to identify him because he’s jerking off on the train.

Thankfully, police said that nobody was hurt during the man’s fun time. We’re not sure if that means that there were no reports of somebody getting poked in the eye or slipping on bodily fluids, but you have to think more than one person was emotionally wrecked by what he or she saw.

Somebody get this guy a JerkShirt: Masturbating At Work Is No Longer A Problem Thanks To The JerkShirt