Header Photo: Bethany Clarke (Getty) / @PostMalone (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends later and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @Mandatory on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 11-24-17
Y’all, today is our office Thanksgiving potluck.
Somebody done put pineapples in the macaroni and cheese.
Y’all keep me lifted up in prayer.
— Bald SoHard (@BaldNegro) November 21, 2017
[visiting Grandma in senior living facility] More like seniors dying amirite?
— vince (@mortimermaiden) November 22, 2017
out-of-office auto-reply pic.twitter.com/C2bZ19FoTa
— ann friedman (@annfriedman) November 22, 2017
How mint was school at Christmas time when most of December resulted in watching dvds and making shit decorations
— Ellie (@EllieLiddle) November 10, 2017
if u ever feel like ur weird or u don’t fit in just remember denzel eats a grape w/ a spoon in Remember The Titans ~ u can do it ur way pic.twitter.com/aNso72jvnZ
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) November 9, 2017
Just saw a very stoned young man in the 7/11 look at the selection of chips sadly and say softly “there’s too many of you”
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) November 10, 2017
I’m talking too much. that wasn’t supposed to be funny, why’d I laugh so hard? Oh look, mini-sandwiches!
—My inner monologue at every party
— Alex Dobrenko (@Dobrenkz) September 30, 2016
So 2 Supermen got on a plane… pic.twitter.com/ttqm8yRXWv
— Dean Cain (@RealDeanCain) November 20, 2017
this photo just keeps getting better the longer you look at it pic.twitter.com/Fff15285i1
— Kat Angus (@katangus) November 21, 2017
Dr. Seus: *grabs mic
Everyone else: *quits
— obi (@ThaJawn) March 2, 2016
Is that the axing price? https://t.co/mwKPCt6yAj
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) November 22, 2017
From a Batman News commenter…
How to remove a Superman mustache the WB way:
1. Open Photoshop.
2. Click the clone stamp tool.
3. Brush off the stache for about 2 minutes by cloning other parts of the face
4. Do it frame by frame.
And you're done. pic.twitter.com/TJmI3yJuzm
— Batman-News.com (@BatmanNewsCom) November 17, 2017
and i would walk 0.2 miles and i would walk 0.2 more, just to be the man to walk 0.4 miles and wound up at your door
— Beerbongs & Bentleys (@PostMalone) November 17, 2017
— Langdon (@RyanLangdon_) July 5, 2017
V true pic.twitter.com/q3DyxzoFxW
— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) November 9, 2017
Haunted House idea: A poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since High School.
— Mikey (@KrunkedRobot) September 24, 2017
Sold out by my own son. pic.twitter.com/PJhGNhssUu
— Scott Snyder (@Ssnyder1835) November 22, 2017
You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain https://t.co/YBCev5POGW
— Daniel (@MyFavsTrash) May 31, 2017
“I was just about to do that chore that I see you’re starting now”
— ack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 10, 2016
logging into twitter to make sure all my homies are getting tucked in pic.twitter.com/Vl0iQuLYCY
— bauhausfanaccoun (@hypedresonance) November 9, 2017