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There are plenty of things about old TV shows we do not miss one bit, but then again we miss when TV wasn’t so addictive that it owned our entire being. Now we’ve forgotten how to read, do word puzzles and our muscles are so decayed we can barely go for a walk without straining something. But otherwise, TV is great, especially today.
10 Things About Old TV Shows We Do Not Miss One Bit
1. Missing Them Because…Well, Life
We’re not claiming to have had a life at any time, but it was pretty annoying having to block out part of your week to sit down and watch your show. If you missed a line, there was no rewind. If there was a school assignment, you had to miss it altogether. There was no going back, at least until reruns and box sets came into being.
2. Continuity Errors
If there’s one thing we don’t miss when watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reruns from the ’90s, it’s the motherfucking continuity errors. Why are there three Leonardos in some scenes, sometimes speaking to one another? The voices, the letters on the belt, the colors of the bandanas. It’s a wonder how we’re not more screwed up after that kind of childhood.
3. Studio Laughter
I don’t like being told when to do anything, let alone when to laugh. Mockumentaries like The Office and shows like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia were the start of ridding laugh tracks in American sitcoms. If you don’t know when to laugh nowadays, it means you have no sense of humor and should go back to watching The Big Bang Theory or The Cosby Show or whatever. Oh, wait.
4. Grain and Glitch
We think it goes without saying, if it’s not 4K, get the hell out of our face, unless of course, it’s The Wire or Seinfeld or something with Humphrey Bogart. Standard definition is worse than missing it altogether these days. Third world countries laugh at standard-def, don’t they?
5. Awkward Pauses During Laugh Tracks and After Scenes
How weird is it that we used to think it was normal to watch people make jokes, then pause before speaking while the laugh track ends? That, and it completely erodes comedy if you have to watch the characters make weird faces while they get the end-of-scene shot from a different camera angle. That was a huge problem on Friends, along with the next thing we’re going to discuss.
6. Homophobia, Sexism and Racism
It’s always fun to go back and watch your favorite shows to see if you interpret them in a different light, considering how much you have (clearly) evolved as a person, at least until that homophobic jab is thrown between two dudes or the sexist comment or ass slap happens in the workplace. Don’t you feel awkward having either not noticed it before or taking it as an acceptable norm now? I mean, nobody was Matt Lauer-ing anybody on TV, but still awkward. Is it too soon for that? Merry Christmas!
7. Commercials and Infomercials
What the hell is a commercial, you ask? Well, youngster, it was a break in the suspense of something we were enjoying to briefly return to the real world where we are constantly being sold ideas, usually not so subliminally, about products we don’t need. Sure we love Pringles and Brad Pitt, but how does that help me find out who the thief is in this episode of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?
8. Scratched Box Set DVDs
You thought you’d come a long ways from not having access to reruns to having them anytime you wanted. Then you toss in your favorite DVD to find it skipping on your favorite scene where Kramer tells Jerry he finally got a job, although he isn’t asking to be paid, and that his briefcase is full of crackers. But you wouldn’t know that because you were too busy washing your disc with toothpaste in the toilet thinking that’s going to fix your life. Man, how the times have changed!
9. Getting Up to Change the Channel
Can you imagine if we had to go back to getting up to turn the knob? It’s a pain that kids today will never know. That, and…
10. Rabbit Ear Antennas
You had one friend hold them while you sat back and waited for the reception to be perfect, at least until they let go of them to join you. Good thing you had that friend who was just loser enough that he’d watch the entire episode, commercials and all, standing up by the TV while you enjoy yourself comfortably on the couch while you mother made you dinner. What a great time for you to be alive.