Header Photo: Warner Bros. Television Distribution / @danharmon (Twitter)
Another Christmas is upon us, which means Twitter is ripe with fresh holiday yucks. Take advantage of the season in the best way possible by scrolling down the list of this year’s funniest tweets about giving gifts, spending “quality time” with family and all the riffraff in between. Oh, and if it doesn’t satisfy you the first go-around, check it twice. That seems to work well for Santa Claus. They wouldn’t have put it in the song otherwise, right?
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The Funniest Christmas Tweets Of 2017
Joaquin in a winter wonderland. pic.twitter.com/C4zTsloOoi
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) December 19, 2017
SANTA: and what would you like for christmas little boy?
ME: *making the throat slit gesture from behind a giant candy cane*
MY SON: (lip quivering) a sweet ass 1987 Camaro with a footprint gas pedal
— rob elliott (@rockymomax) December 24, 2017
ALL OF THE ABOVE? pic.twitter.com/zg5MmPCvZ2
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) December 4, 2017
[santa gently waking me] you live like this?
— Eric Bruno (@ericsshadow) December 25, 2017
I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. I needed this. pic.twitter.com/2aQFpugdis
— deray (@deray) December 7, 2017
It just occurred to me that one day, the dogs I follow on Instagram will die. Now my Christmas is ruined.
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) December 18, 2017
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
(After 1 drink)
Mom: You’re becoming a partier.
Mom: That’s plenty. Act like a lady.
Mom: You’re drunk.
Mom: You’re shaming the family & going to Hell.
Mom: *well I’m asleep now, so I don’t know what she said*
— liv. (@liv_thatsme) December 18, 2017
My mom told me to shave for Christmas, so I shaved. pic.twitter.com/aLIrzsiQ4w
— Devo Alexander (@devoalexanderr) December 23, 2017
Me: Help me out doc I have a horrible crick in my neck and I smell like farm animals
Doctor: Are you sleeping in random nativity scenes again?
Me [head down, sighing]: ‘Tis the season
— Swim Jeans (@ShortSleeveSuit) December 15, 2017
too real. pic.twitter.com/1wF5MDrcIg
— pony starwars (@tigersgoroooar) December 18, 2017
It’s that point in your Christmas Eve when your baby boomer relatives start high roading you about being on your phone, so just try to respect that what they’re really saying is that they’re bored and sad and scared to face death, like you, but that basically you are their phone.
— Dan Harmon (@danharmon) December 25, 2017
The World Is Not Enough is a Christmas movie pic.twitter.com/SDHwkFbwmu
— Larry Wright (@refocusedmedia) December 21, 2017
These holiday cards are getting ridiculous. What happened to Merry Christmas? pic.twitter.com/rorXHkurIY
— Bread Savage (@papasuncle) December 21, 2017
Your thirties is the best time to get wholesome holiday cards from all the people you saw drunk drive in college
— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) December 18, 2017
Tis’ the season. pic.twitter.com/zAT8Vizar0
— Daniel (@MyFavsTrash) December 4, 2017
Movie theater employee:
Sir, I’m gonna need you to turn that thing off. It’s distracting others.
Rudolph: I JUST WANT TO ENJOY PITCH PERFECT 3 LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
— Max Miller (@RuinMyWeek) December 21, 2017
I’ve just witnessed a hoard people berate a bus driver into letting a guy bring his 7ft tree on the bus by shouting “where’s your Christmas spirit, don’t be a cunt”
— Sarah Manavis (@sarahmanavis) December 4, 2017
My mom still hasn’t noticed… pic.twitter.com/FfXqwxXmXE
— (((chrstphr))) (@LasagnaEveryDay) December 23, 2017
I hate when people brag about their lavish Christmas gifts on Twitter !!!!
– Sent from my iPhone X (256 gigs)
— jingle miels (@miel) December 25, 2017
When you spent half your pay check and waited in a line for 45 minutes just to get her the perfect gift for Christmas
And when she opens it she whispers in your ear “your gift is in the bedroom” pic.twitter.com/1XCgHpFlk7
— OMG its Khairy (@ComedianKhairy) December 25, 2017