Header Photo: LEON NEAL/AFP (Getty) / @jaboukie (Twitter)
Another week, another batch of the funniest tweets collected for your viewing pleasure. Give them a read, and remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. They’re not just putting their hilarious thoughts out there for their health, after all. Plus, if you’re just going to wind up repeating these jokes to your friends and passing them off as your own, the least you can do is throw a little admiration their way. It’s only fair.
Follow @Mandatory on Twitter.
Funny Tweets 1-26-18
Cut my life into pieces pic.twitter.com/9v8xv6Ek6Z
— (@Jon_Digital) January 25, 2018
me: so if u could change any part of your body what would it be?
her: *laughing* I guess my ankles. what about you?
me: well, u know the bit behind the knees?
me: *leans in closer* I’d love em to be as hairy as armpits
— John Darby (@mrjohndarby) January 24, 2018
My level of petty. pic.twitter.com/oFjT5zqcJe
— Denizcan James (@MrFilmkritik) January 22, 2018
someone: you don’t have to apologize for everything, you’re good
me: oh ok……
— k (@pugmom4evr) January 17, 2018
If only there was a letter in PARIS that resembles the Eiffel Tower pic.twitter.com/m4igYD1dHf
— Cheish (@TheCheish) January 22, 2018
fucking finally pic.twitter.com/wQNaxN26XJ
— tony (@sadvil) January 23, 2018
I walk out of Target to the scene of a child laying motionless on the ground. I asked what was wrong and the dad said
“He’s upset his gloves match his jacket.” pic.twitter.com/hYMJRbZxkf
— a real dinosaur (@SparkyROAR) January 13, 2018
I been laughing at this video for 2 days now LMAOOOO pic.twitter.com/iRn8WPbncU
— No Feelings ! (@itsboyschapter) January 21, 2018
i’ve never actually seen pulp fiction but i’ve pieced it together from college dorm room posters
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) January 22, 2018
What is your destiny pic.twitter.com/tuev76mrlm
— jake likes onions (@jakelikesonions) January 24, 2018
The first week of Pokémon GO was probably the closest the we’ll ever be to world peace.
— Chris Tung (@lil_tungsta) December 31, 2017
Me reading at the coffee place for Attention pic.twitter.com/bTTFj7Woaj
— Christin Bailey (@hexprax) January 23, 2018
JAMES BLUNT: You stink
JAMES TACTFUL: I bought you this perfume
— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) January 9, 2018
— James Fridman (@fjamie013) January 23, 2018
Every Mission Impossible movie ends with the same stupid twist where the mission was totally possible.
— James Etchison (@jamesetchison) September 14, 2017
my crush: i like artsy girls
— lourdes (@gossipgriII) January 25, 2018
Don’t use tinder. You’ll match with a girl and 3 years later be unknowingly doing a group project together and have to exchange numbers only to find out she already has your number saved as “Evan Tinder”
— Evan (@EvansPosts) January 24, 2018
Sometimes I just look at pictures of the earth from space and I marvel at how beautiful it all is. pic.twitter.com/XccahnyeMA
— Broke Jack Donaghy (@nhwelch) January 24, 2018
Date: do you fold the toilet paper or crumple it
Me: I make an elaborate origami crane with each square
Me: well what the fuck kind of question is that for a date
— Kal (@captainkalvis) January 22, 2018
Aye nah fuck this game pic.twitter.com/ANsxag0l0v
— Chrollo Lucilfer (@BrilliantDum_e) January 24, 2018