P-Tone of The Big Ghost Chronicles has posted a lengthy and downright blindingly hilarious review of Kanye West & Jay-Z's collaborative album Watch The Throne, and we couldn't help but share some of it with you. What follows below is pure, unfiltered hilarity, with sidesplitter droplines including "This shit is like Shia LeBeouf in song form yo," not to mention "Drake said he gon soak in his lotion pool to this shit rite here for like a week son," - and the inconceivably ridiculous/romantic imagery of "This shit sounds like two n****s hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son."
Big Ghost's paragraph above the review actually comes at the end, but for contextual purposes we've included it at the top for you. Everything below this point is reposted (though it was likely another writer and not GFK), and it's so damn good we're going to have a hard time stepping up with a review of our own at this point. Enjoy, and keep an eye out for some serious takedowns of the likes of Swizz Beatz and DMX:
Word yo. The album might got some filler n a couple joints thats jus beyond wack…but its still a pretty tight project son. N****s produced the shit outta this m********a b. This aint jus some shit where dudes looped up a beat n banged out some drums on top n called that shit a finished product namsayin. Nah yo…n*****s put some work in to get this shit done par. Tone appreciates that type a artistry tho nahmean. But it aint like its all fancy tricks n aint no real magic happenin under all the bullshit smoke n mirrors n shit namsayin. N****s straight went HAM on summa thses tracks son…but not on the HAM joint tho. Another thing I appreciate is that n****s tried sumthin original n new. Plus they aint flood this shit wit guest appearances from they artist rosters n turn it into the Firm album. Hate it or love it…its probably gon be like that rare joint where n****s memorize all the lyrics to it after a week either way. Anyways I give this shit a solid 4 Zeus slaps namsayin.
1. No Church in the Wild (ft. Frank Ocean) – Thought the beat was kinda average at first to be honest wit yall. But the shit been growin on me. The fact that Jay brought back one of his most boring flows…the same one he used on Pray off American Gangster…didnt help nothin tho. Yeezy drops his least EMPHASIZED bars in a minute n gets the green light from Jiggaman to bring autotune back. I dont kno what hour in the day this shit was recorded but it sounds like some 5 AM shit. In the end tho… both them n****s got the job done n start shit off on the rite foot nahmean. The victim of Breezy’s high pitched goon squad attack did his thing too.
2. Lift Off (ft. Beyonce) – I almost aint wanna even comment on this shit son…. I dont even kno what to say bout it yo. This shit sounds like the anthem the fairies in Ferngully would use to go to war against evil humans to or some shit b. This shit is like Shia LeBeouf in song form yo. Lissenin to this shit is like havin ya ears penetrated by a million microscopic dicks namsayin. Shit sounds like n****s doin aerobics on a magical cloud of daisies. How many meadows did Kanye cartwheel across before he decided to make this beat? Seriously yo…. Jus how many lily pads did the n***a skip across the pond on before he got inspired to make some shit like this? Definitely one a the worst songs Jay ever been involved in…thats includin those lame joints off Vol 3 wit Amil n Mariah or the worst songs off Kingdom Come….EVEN the Timbo joints off Blueprint 3. Like this joint is SOFT son. Guess thats why Jay only spit like 5 n a half bars on it. Its like the song Yung Berg would play before he goes n commits his latest string of L’s. Shit is jus terrible son…especially since it took like 6 niggas to produce this m********a.
3. N****s in Paris – If you can ignore the homoerotic title the shit actually aint bad son. I prefer it once the beat changes up tho. It starts off soundin like some shit them Young Money niggas mighta left behind in the studio one day. Like I swear I can hear Gudda Gudda gettin his mediocre on in the background for the first 2:43 minutes. But then shit gets dramatic n its all good yo. it aint really the monster track n****s made that shit out to be tho.
4. Otis (ft. Otis Redding) – First off they need to not be actin like Otis Redding is a “featured” artist on this shit. Since when do n****s sample a dude n then call that shit a feature. Son aint even been alive for like 40 years b. Otis Redding is my dude tho…so dont get that shit twisted son. That bein said…this shit still goes nahmean. Folks been divided on this joint for a minute…but that aint stop the dozen hasbeen ass n****s who hopped on this shit from strugglin the fuck out on it (Im lookin at you DMX).
5. Gotta Have It – This shit probably the least Neptunes soundin beat the Neptunes ever produced yo. Not sayin thats a bad thing tho. Im glad they aint bring no bongos or space sounds to this shit g. N****s is jus tradin bars on some back n forth shit n basically talkin bout the usual shit they do. Kinda jus a filler joint nahmean. It probably wont be the next single or nothin…but its still a ill joint namsayin. This shit also got The Godfather of Soul’s voice all over it…but they aint put “featuring James Brown” on the tracklist for some reason. Guess they missed that one.
Head over to the BIG GHOST CHRONICLES for the full list.