WTF?! #CutForBieber Craze Hijacks The Internet

That sound? Oh, that's just the sound of America sinking further down the abyss of cultural integrity.

Johnny Firecloudby Johnny Firecloud


If you’re on Twitter, there’s a good chance you’ve seen hashtags like #CuttingForBieber, #CutForBieber and #Cut4Bieber hijacking your feed. As a result, you're likely wondering whether the Mayans were maybe just a few weeks off on their prediction, and the world is indeed ending in a grotesque display of impossible pop culture reactionism that will darken the sky and end our civilization. I'm not here to correct you.

The cutting hashtag was sparked by a particularly spicy internet forum, a beacon of all things gloriously vile on the internet. With the goal of getting “some little girls to cut themselves,” users began posting pictures of cutters on fake Twitter accounts, demanding that Justin Bieber stop smoking weed or the bloodshed would continue. 

The worst part? Some of the brainless little lemmings fans are taking the bait. 

The disturbing method of “protesting” Bieber’s "alleged" pot use has sparked a spectrum of responses, from users posting “cutting for Bieber” pictures of their lawnmowers or using scissors to cut paper, to soapboxing that the hashtag frenzy diminishes the real mental health and self-esteem issues related to self-cutting. But countless Bieber fans have leapt headlong off the deep end of rationale, some going so far as to copycat the cutting postings.

Naturally, this is the same pop culture vulture pool that populate the #TeamBreezy justifiers supporting Chris Brown in his attempts to live down that little "beat Rihanna bloody & bruised" incident back in 2009 on the way to the Grammys. You know, the ones who publicly announce their desire to get beaten by Brown. But I digress.

"Beliebers" are quite a dominant force in social media, regularly hijacking trending topics on Twitter with their fawning adoration of the rejected third member of Tegan and Sara. But their young idiocy (and breathing consequence of negligent parenting, without question) shows in often disturbing manners, particularly when they perceive a disturbance in the pure-driven innocence of their wealthy effeminate manchild hero. 

The frenzy began last week when a paparazzi was killed in a traffic incident while attempting to photograph Bieber allegedly smoking cannabis while driving his Lamborghini. A true barometer reading of American culture if there ever was one, the obsession over whether Bieber actually indulges in the sticky green completely overshadowed the needless death. As speculation rose as to whether or not Bieber was in fact smoking while driving, the focus shifted rapidly away from discussing the consequences of a climate of parasitic sycophants addicted to tabloid culture, to whether pop's Canadian baby Jesus inhales the good shit.

And if there was any debate left over, this should settle the issue:

Let's be clear, for the hand-wringers, pre-teens and low-thinking troglodytes who have trouble with common sense: to a responsible adult in a recreational setting, cannabis is utterly harmless. While more than 500,000 people die each year from cigarettes & alcohol use in the United States alone, there has never been a single death attributed to marijuana. Not one. It has been shown to possess little to no long-term side effects, and in fact serves as a far less toxic and more socially responsible alternative to alcohol. There is a very good reason why two states (Colorado and Washington) have legalized cannabis for recreational use and 18 states now have medical marijuana laws.

The D.A.R.E. program's longstanging desperate portrayal of cannabis as a "gateway drug" was not only debunked and abandoned (they don't include cannabis in their curriculum anymore), but a recent Yale study has found alcohol to be a far greater motivator towards experimentation with narcotics and dangerous behavior than marijuana.

Nevertheless, Bieber's army of followers have taken their hero's recreational indulgence much the way one would imagine a person reacting to the news of their entire family being dismembered and devoured by a pack of face-ripper monkeys. They're crying, raging, cutting themselves and threatening to abandon their bratty cherubic savior if he doesn't disavow the devil weed and get back to doing crunches with Usher while wearing baby clothes and ignoring Selena Gomez. Or whatever the hell that little weirdo does.

Not to sound like an old curmudgeon here, but where in the hell are the parents of these kids? The big brothers or sisters, who can take the time to hijack their attention with some Jack White, P.O.S., guitar, jiu jitsu, hell anything that will give a kid a direction for passion that doesn't involve hyperventilating at the mere thought of a human advertisement for low-thinking, emotionally-driven materialistic puppylove?

Whatever the case, the nuance and subtlety have been cast aside in the ever-increasing velocity that carries the wrecking ball of our cultural decline. In real life, there's no fucking way that Indiana Jones would've been able to outrun that gigantic boulder chasing him in Raiders of The Lost Ark. And when Kanye & Kim Kardashian's Illuminati messiah spawn comes roaring from its cavernous womb in a few months, we may very well find ourselves living under darkened skies.