The "fallen hero" that is Chris Brown was sentenced on Tuesday to serve five years probation and to spend more than 1,400 hours in "labor-oriented service" for assaulting Rihanna, his one-time girlfriend, at the Grammy Awards back in February. A restraining order has also been placed against him.
Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Patricia Schnegg said in the sentencing she wants to see Brown do "actual physical labor, as opposed to some type of community service." The sentencing was delayed earlier this month because documents detailing Brown's proposed community service plan in Virginia, where he maintains a legal residence and wants to serve his sentence, had not arrived in time for Schnegg to review.
If you need a refresher course in exactly what happened on that warm february night in Los Angeles, a good place to start would be the play-by-play of the actual police report, which is chock full of wonderful gems like this: "He punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in his vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F.’s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle." Read on for the choking and biting parts.
So does Brown deserve some slack now? Does he deserve another chance? I mean hell, if Michael Vick can burn dogs alive and get enthusiastically reinstated by the NFL, why shouldn't Brown get another shot at superstardom? After all, the guy does a hell of a Michael Jackson impression on the dancefloor.
Of course, I'm kidding. If the world fit into my imagination, Brown would be on the receiving end of his own special pounding session, courtesy of the general population inmates at Chino penitentiary who, despite their unfortunate life situation, likely have very little doubts about what beating a woman truly says about a man. He doesn't deserve a second chance. He doesn't deserve to see the light of day for years, let alone the opportunity to live the ultra-elite, gluttonously lavish lifestyle with luxury cars, jewelry, fame and punching bags girls once again.
But Brown will have his defenders. What's more, he'll be on the charts for years to come, because America gets the celebrities we deserve. We're obsessed with fuckups because we're bored with the distraction machine. Watch the "American Idol" ratings tank now that one-woman idiot circus Paula Abdul has jumped ship.
The formula is simple, really: what's healthy and good is no longer appealing. We are the birthplace of fast food - metaphorically, that says it all. We need the vapid idiots like Lindsay Lohan and Sarah Palin and inhumane anti-heros like Vick, Brown and Limbaugh to give us some kind of absurd stimulation, because subtlety and grace are historical footnotes in this new world of desensitization and hyper-access. We celebrate the soulless and the scandalous, those brazen enough to fully embrace all that is useless/worthless in pop-culture humanity and take it to a new level. They give us something new to click, to tweet, to post, to obsess over, until the next viral uprising. It's a vicious cycle, and we're locked in for the ride.
There is no turning back.
