When Frankie Cocozza was booted off of the X Factor last year you could've been forgiven for thinking that you'd heard the last of him. However, like a particularly stubborn case of genital herpes, the UK's Least Convincing Badboy has now released his debut single, titled 'She's Got A Motorcycle', and it may just be the worst song you've heard this year.
Choice lyrics include "She's got a motorcycle, it looks so damn delightful, she knows how much I like it, she keeps tryna hide it", "Why, why, why am I out of luck? Cos I've seen others fill you up" and "I've got a motorcycle, I know I took the Michael". Wait, I'm confused. Is he a mechanophile? Does he want to shag the motorcycle? Or is the motorcycle just a metaphor for the woman? And why is he so emotionally involved with this woman's motorcycle when he later reveals that he himself already owns one? Who's Michael?
But despite 'She's Got A Motorcycle''s thematic complexities, it's otherwise a thoroughly banal excuse for a pop song. Even the video is bleak, with Frankie stumbling about what appears to be the warehouse from Reservoir Dogs, hunched over like he's suffering from menstrual cramps. If you won't miss the three-minutes and twenty-six seconds it takes to endure the entirety of the video, then you can watch it below: