Since Elvis first swiveled his hips and Jerry Lee Lewis kicked back the piano bench and started smashing keys, rock music has ridden a hairy, thrusting wave of machismo. While sensitive crooners from James Taylor to Jeff Buckley have made women’s hearts swoon, the panties really drop when the swagger comes in. Macho is, arguably, as necessary to rock music as the instruments themselves.
So what is macho in rock? How can you spot it? What songs best typify the right blend of rock-God excellence and power macho to the Nth degree? Being a concerned fan, you might have to listen to every song ever made, or you can get started on your macho rock knowledge with this, CraveOnline's list of Twenty Kick Ass Macho Rock Songs!!
20. Street Fighting Man
Artist: Rolling Stones
Macho Lyric: “What Can A Poor Boy Do, But Sing For A Rock N Roll Band”
Your town is in a state of dictatorship. You hate the monarchy that rules with an iron fist. You’re a slap down street fighting British hooligan. What can you do? Apparently there’s nothing much to do besides rail at the Government and sing for a rock band. If a bar brawl breaks out or fisticuffs become rampant and the streets run red with blood, this is theme song for it.
19. King Of The Road
Artist: Fu Manchu
Macho Lyric: “King Of The Road Says You Move Too Slow”
Hey man when you’re cruising you got no time for lame ducks in the slow lane. Hit the accelerator and fly past them with this Fu Manchu ditty blasting through the stereo. If the pigs hit their berries and try to pursue, you know what to do, blast past ‘em and laugh. Why? WHY? Cause King Of The Road says you move too slow, bitch! Fu Manchu or Fu Machuuu?
18. Who Do You Love
Artist: Bo Diddly
Macho Lyric: “I Walked Forty Seven Miles Of Barbed Wire/I Got A Cobra Snake For A Necktie”
Flowers? HA!! Candy? Pussy. Nothing says “I love you baby” like walking 24,160 feet through razor wire or tapping into the Elapidae family for formal neckwear. Once this man has finished his home décor of rattlesnake and human skulls, then this walking testament of strut and cool will wink. This is your cue to express how much you love him. Only the machoist of the macho can run this kind of game on the ladies.
17. Stray Cat Strut
Artist: Stray Cats
Macho Lyric: “I Slink Down The Alley Looking For A Fight”
Sometimes presentation is everything. Just standing there, a cat is not macho, not at all. Dogs, dogs can be macho just standing around being dogs, but cats have a harder go of it. Now picture that cat strutting down an alley behind a thumping bass line. That cat is smooth, looking to fight any other animal for its meal. The lady cats are screaming in heat and he doesn’t pay them any mind, knowing he’s got tail lined up for days. Oh yeah, smooth but also macho.
16. Show You No Mercy
Macho Lyric: “Won’t Show You No Mercy At All. Gonna Kick Ya, Kick Ya When You’re Takin Your Fall”
In the world of macho, nothing beats a nice campfire song about beating the shit out of somebody. Hey, don’t get mad, don’t whine like a bitch, this guy warned you what was coming and, according to the lyrics, you didn’t listen. Now you have no choice but to be the recipient of this complete lack of mercy.
15. Macho Man
Artist: The Village People
Macho Lyric: “You Had Best Believe That He’s A Macho Man. Ready To Get Down With all He Can.”
Oh come on. Like I would be able to exclude this song.
14. Big Iron
Artist: Marty Robbins
Macho Lyric: “He Was Here To Take An Outlaw Back Alive Or Maybe Dead/And He Said It Didn’t Matter He Was After Texas Red”
Big Iron. The Ranger with the big iron on his hip. Nothing swings macho like a good old-fashioned western. In this scenario the Texas Ranger, who was handsome and brave, is macho enough to stake his claim for Texas Red, a dastardly snake known for gunning down anybody in his way. With speed still spoken of today, the macho Texas Ranger blows away Texas Red in a blaze of glory. Awesome!!
13. Nice Boys Don’t Play Rock N Roll
Artist: Rose Tattoo
Macho Lyric: “Nice Boys Don’t Play Rock N Roll/I’m Not A Nice Boy”
You can’t really argue with the logic about nice men not engaging in the world of rock. At least not good rock. When was the last nice guy rock that actually rocked? You have to throw in a touch of the macho and a bit of the sleaze in order for true rock glory to be achieved. Without it, you get Three Doors Down or Phish. Drawing a line in the sand, telling the squeaky clean musicians that none shall pass into rock, that makes the macho gods smile.
12. Gloves Of Metal
Macho Lyric: “We wear leather/We Wear Spikes/We Rule The Night.”
Men in loincloths who not only wear leather and spikes but boast about it. Men who talk of taking down the world in the name of metal. Thunderous drums and shredding guitar solos pay homage to the destructive power of metal so loud it cracks the beams. This band should have called Machowar! Hail And Kill!!!
Macho Lyric: “If You Wanna Find Hell With Me/I Can Show You What It’s Like”
There’s no way a suburban family would be ready for Glenn Danzig to ring the bell and stake claim to their daughter. However, if said family should try to step up and battle for the souls of their naïve children, they would be forced to do battle and bang heads (not in the good way) with the man himself. Danzig can show you what hell is like unless you’re the lead singer of a hardcore band, then you might get away with it. Outside of that, Danzig dares you to bring it.
10. God Of Thunder
Macho Lyric: “I Gather Darkness To Please Me/And I Command You To Kneel”
When it comes to virgin soul robbing, you can’t even deal with the collective power of The Demon, Cat Man, Starchild and Space Ace. Bringing rock so powerful and so macho that it knocks Thor off his throne and grants these four men the right to be called God Of Thunder is pretty awesome. As is the macho sack it takes to sing God Of Thunder and Beth on the same record.
09. The Big Payback
Artist: James Brown
Macho Lyric: “I Don’t Know Karate/But I Know Ka-Razy”
When a man sells you out and leaves you to die, it’s time to tell that punk about the big payback. Macho vengeance can come with a lot of things, scrappin, rappin, wheelin and even dealin, but no squealin or backstabbing. Nope, that’s not allowed in the macho manifesto. If you dabble in either of those, well, the truly macho will not only pay you back but do it with a funky accompanying horn section.
08. Boy Named Sue
Artist: Johnny Cash
Macho Lyric: “Kickin’ And Gougin’ In The Mud, The Blood And The Beer”
Some of us are born into macho, while others have macho thrust upon us. The latter is true for Sue, a man forced to become macho because his father gave him a girl’s name instead of sticking around to be a parent. Growing up in the tough country roads with a girl’s name wasn’t easy for Sue, but he learned, as the truly macho do, that the best way to deal with a problem is put a fist in it. It’s also very macho that he fought his whole life instead of just changing his name.
Macho Lyric: “You like the alpha male/Get Rabid On Your Tail”
Hard to argue with a giant man, with a giant beard, singing about weapons and sex with a woman who is part human and part wolf. Even if left as a kinky metaphor, the shewolf is a dynamic being that can only be handled by the most macho of men. Anything less, anything that doesn’t come equipped with a terrorizer and an amplifier, will find nothing but flaccid, inadequate shame, in the eyes of the shewolf.
06. Drink Fight Fuck
Artist: GG Allin
Macho Lyric: “We like to drink and party high/we’re not afraid to fight, we’re not afraid to die”
GG Allin rolled around in broken glass. GG Allin had penchant for eating his own feces. GG Allin also punched or screwed anything that moved. Here he decides to reduce his life’s calling to three simple words. Behind those words this man, who wore his heart on his sleeve much the same way he did poop and blood, gave us a simple and eloquent soliloquy about what powered those three words.
05. Beer Drinkers And Hell Raisers
Artist: ZZ Top
Macho Lyric: “I’ll Be Here Around Suppertime/With My Can Of Dinner And A Bunch Of Fine”
What would macho be without beer. Wine? Wine is not for the macho man. Cocktails? Perhaps if the macho man was defined by board meetings and golf dates. No, the man who knows his macho is real only drinks beer. Usually not good beer, not beer snob beer, but mule piss in a can that comes from a box with some kind of mail-in offer involving something that screams America. For example, a beer label blanket or a T-shirt stating that only men drink this kind of beer. If you can drink beer that way, and commence with hell raising, then you sir are truly macho.
04. Search And Destroy
Artist: The Stooges
Macho Lyric: “I’m A Street Walkin’ Cheetah With A Heart Fulla Napalm.”
Hello, I’m Iggy Pop and my left testicle is ten times the macho man you will ever be. How do I know? First, I’m a hundred years old and in better shape then most men on this planet will ever be. Second, I perform shows now with ten times the energy of bands one-third my age. Third, I crystalized the idea of urban punk machismo by painting a lyrical picture of a cheetah from the streets that has a heart filled with one of the most dangerous explosives ever. So, what have you done lately you pussy?
03. Live Wire
Macho Lyric: “If You’re Looking For Trouble, I’m The Man To See/If You’re Looking For Satisfaction, It’s Satisfaction Guaranteed”
If all the Lords Of Macho Mountain did come down from their high chamber to assemble a man, one man, one man to hold the hammer of macho and wield it for rock glory, that man would be Bon Scott. While the popular story of his death is an accident during a night of drinking, it’s more believable that his macho rock power became too much for the earthly plane and, summoned back to the mountain to reign supreme, Bon Scott simply turned to white hot searing light. Now his light burns in the chest of all true rockers and in the loins of all women who look the world over for a Live Wire.
02. Theme From Shaft
Artist: Isaac Hayes
Macho Lyric: “Who’s The Black Private Dick That’s A Sex Machine To All The Chicks”
I’m not sure when white men started fearing that black men were coming for their women, but it might have been here. Dropping from the mind of Isaac Hayes, the smoothest man in all soul history, this is the first true theme of the macho man. Put it simply, you will never stack up in deeds, strength, bravery or…um…..length to the bad ass mother—-HEYYY—sorry, I as talking about a Shaft. I know, I know, you can dig it. We can all dig it. Shaft makes the very term macho afraid because he’s just too much damn man for it.
01. The Rocker
Artist: Thin Lizzy
Macho Lyric: “I Take No Lip No One’s Tougher Than Me/I Kick Your Face You’ll Soon Be Seein’ Double.”
When the concept of macho was created in the cosmos, a meteor collided with it and the shrapnel plummeted to the Earth. As it cooled, these pieces formed into one physical scepter by which the power of the macho would be bestowed upon the world. This man, this champion, is simply know as The Rocker. He rocks and, as he will tell you, rolls as well. His cache is that of women, liquor, dirty jokes and fights. You cannot stare straight at The Rocker for he will dazzle you and strike you blind with the cannon of his mystical ability. Here we sing praise upon The Rocker and pay homage to his ability with guitar solos, drums and the one true voice of the power called simply, The Rocker.
Okay, you have been given the path. Go forth and rock with macho!