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Jack White Calls Out Video Games, Named 2013 Record Store Day Ambassador

White indulges in some hilarious conspiracy theories in a video announcing his new role.

Record Store Day has done the only logical thing and declared Jack White to be 2013's Record Store Day Ambassador. The annual holiday celebrating independent record stores takes place on April 20 this year. So basically, Christmas for stoners just got way more awesome.

Announcing the news, Record Store Day posted a brief and hilarious video in which White gives a tour of the legendary United Record Pressing in Nashville  (just up the street from his own Third Man Records studios) and dabbles in music industry conspiracy theories, tying in the masons, the NBA draft, iPhones, donating blood and more. 

Additionally, White issued a statement leveling a fully automatic word cannon at the face of the video game industry and the digi-kid message board mercenary culture: 

"Well here's what they'll someday learn if they have a soul," he said. "There's no romance in a mouse click. There's no beauty in sitting for hours playing video games (anyone proud of that stop reading now and post your opinion in the nearest forum.) The screen of an iPhone is convenient, but it's no comparison to a 70mm showing of a film in a gorgeous theater. The Internet is two-dimensional… helpful and entertaining, but no replacement for face-to-face interaction with a human being. But we all know all of that, right?  Well, do we?  Maybe we know all that, but so what?"

White followed the damnation with a call to change:

"The world hasn't stopped moving. Out there, people are still talking to each other face-to-face, exchanging ideas and turning each other on. Art houses are showing films, people are drinking coffee and telling tall tales, women and men are confusing each other and record stores are selling discs full of soul that you haven’t felt yet. So why do we choose to hide in our caves and settle for replication? We know better. We should at least. We need to re-educate ourselves about human interaction and the difference between downloading a track on a computer and talking to other people in person and getting turned onto music that you can hold in your hands and share with others.

Let's wake each other up.

As Record Store Day Ambassador of 2013 I’m proud to help in any way I can to invigorate whoever will listen with the idea that there is beauty and romance in the act of visiting a record shop and getting turned on to something new that could change the way they look at the world, other people, art, and ultimately, themselves."

Head over to the official website for Record Store Day for more information.