CraveOnline

‘A pretty awful film that uses imaginative set pieces to obscure the fact that it has no story whatsoever.’

If there’s a lesson to be learned from Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, it’s that Dwayne Johnson can make any movie watchable… even Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. And that’s no small feat. The special effects-laden sequel to 2008’s Journey to the Center of the Earth is a pretty awful film that uses imaginative set pieces to obscure the fact that it has no story whatsoever. There’s an island, alright. It’s pretty mysterious. Now watch as Luis Guzman flicks berries at The Rock’s chest! Watch, you stupid monkeys, and pay us for the privilege! Mwa-hahahahaha!

The plot… er, sequence of events… involves Josh Hutcherson receiving a secret communiqué from his grandfather, Michael Caine, who claims to have found the “Mysterious Island” that Jules Verne wrote about in 1974. Hutcherson declares himself a “Vernian,” which the film claims is a secret society of investigators who believe that everything Jules Verne wrote about is 100% true. He also gets indignant about it, which is a strange attitude given the dubious nature of conspiracy theory, which Google doesn’t seem to think exists in real life. But Hutcherson ropes his stepfather, Dwayne Johnson, into the quest and hires a tour guide, Luis Guzman, to take them to the island. And just for the sake of putting her in tiny shorts (appreciated in IMAX 3D), Guzman’s daughter Vanessa Hudgens goes along for the ride.

Before long, they’ve arrived at the Mysterious Island, found Michael Caine, and discover that they have to leave before it all sinks in a matter of days. So they walk across the island in order to leave. That’s it, folks. They walk. Occasionally they run from giant animals, or ride giant bees, but those are just set pieces with no connection to the actual characters. There’s no conflict between the heroes, no villain to stop. The closest thing they have to an argument stems from Michael Caine refusing to call Dwayne Johnson by his nickname. The closest thing to a theme is an occasionally tacked-on absentee father anecdote, which is in no way connected to the film’s events beyond the infrequent line of dialogue about it. It’s like somebody strung together a list of set pieces and told somebody to just shut up and shoot it in 3D and hope the raw charisma of The Rock would save the day, and to his credit, he almost does. But believe it or not, it took at least three people to write the script for Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. You’d think at least one of them would have been able to string together some kind of narrative.

Oh sure, it’s tempting to write Journey 2 off as harmless, good-natured fun, but lots of things are tempting. It’s tempting to cheat on your taxes, watch porn on your office computer and eat nothing but deep-fried Twinkies, but you shouldn’t actually do any of that. The only defense for this movie is to say that it’s not actually “trying” to be good, but that doesn’t make any sense. Are we supposed to applaud just because they set the bar low and barely reached it? If you said, “I’m going to do nothing but watch TV all day and eat Cheetos,” and you actually did it, it’s not like you’d deserve some kind of medal when you were done. You were lazy, you accomplished nothing, and while there are certainly less enjoyable ways to spend the day, you obviously wasted your time. And in the case of Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, you also wasted millions of dollars, even if it does look pretty good on an IMAX screen.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is preceded by a new short that stars two of the Looney Tunes characters, but which has no right whatsoever to call itself an actual Looney Tune. Daffy’s Rhapsody isn’t funny, but beyond that it translates both the title character and Elmer Fudd into 3D grotesqueries that are difficult to look at, let alone enjoy. The realistic feathers on Daffy Duck’s body only call attention to the fact that in three-dimensional space he’d be something of an abomination. Let us never speak of it again.
 

CraveOnline Rating: 3.5/10

Six months after the disappearance of TV explorer Dr. Emmet Cole, his wife and son lead a dangerous expedition to save him.

Episode Title: "Magus"

Story by: Oren Peli & Michael R. Perry

Teleplay by: Michael Green and Michael R. Perry

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Episode Title: "Marbeley"

Writers: Michael Green & Zack Estrin

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Premise:

TV explorer Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) disappeared in the Amazon forest and seemingly perished. Six months later, Cole's estranged wife, Tess (Leslie Hope) and his grown son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson) led an expedition to find him. "The River" is comprised entirely of "found footage" from the second expedition intercut with clips from Cole's TV series, "The Undiscovered Country" and other related videos.

Story:

On camera, Tess asks Lincoln to accompany her on a quest to find his father (and her husband), Dr. Emmet Cole. Reluctantly, Lincoln agrees as Cole's ex-producer, Clark Quietly (Paul Blackthorne) bankrolls the trip in return for full access for his cameramen, A.J. Poulain (Shaun Parkes) and Sammy Kirsch (Jeff Galfer) . Also on board are Cole's former engineer, Emilio Valenzuela (Daniel Zacapa), Emilo's daughter, Jahel (Paulina Gaitan) and a fearsome bodyguard by the name of Captain Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann).

After three days on the Amazon, the ship finds Cole's transponder in a protective underwater cage with no sign of Cole or his ship, The Magus. Lincoln suggests that this means that his father is dead, but Tess insists that they continue. The next day, their ship stops to take on supplies when a helicopter sets down with Lena Landry (Eloise Mumford), the daughter of Cole's cameraman, Russ Landry, who is presumed missing alongside his employer. Lena rips into Lincoln for not telling her about their expedition and she forces herself on the crew by saying that she knows where to find the Magus.  

The next day, the crew takes two rafts up the river, where they discover the Magus washed up on the side and seemingly devoid of life. They soon discover that the panic room has been sealed from the outside. But when they hear banging from within, they theorize that Cole and Russ are trapped inside. So, they open the door and discover an odd creature that attacks Lena at high speeds and then escapes into the jungle. While treating Lena's injury, Lincoln learns that she had been in contact with his father prior to his disappearance.

After Lena is seen behaving suspiciously, the crew discovers that the rafts have been disabled and the sounds of the creature surround them. With no other recourse, the crew makes the Magus sea worthy again. But in a second attack by the creature, Sammy is killed. Convinced that the creature may be Cole's producer, Cam Travers (somehow transformed), Tess begs "Cam" for answers about Cole's survival before she is slashed two times. Lincoln manages to trap the creature in a container found in the panic room before he throws it overboard.

The next day, Clark is in the editing bay when he spies on Kurt and he overhears the security expert report to someone via radio that he will put down Cole if he found "the source." On the deck of the ship, Tess is ready to give up, but Lincoln is suddenly convinced that Cole is alive and that there really is magic in the undiscovered country of the Amazon. On the eighth day, Jahel and Emilio restore full power to the Magus while Lincoln, Clark and Lena go over Cole's tapes in the hope of finding clues to his location.

That night, a dragonfly crawls down Jahel's throat while she is sleeping. When she awakens, she seeks out Tess and the spirit of Cole speaks through her to his wife by urging Tess to leave. But after a few moments, Jahel convulses and passes out. As Jahel's father and the rest of the crew watch over Jahel, Tess relates what she was told, including the detail that Cole is alive and being held against his will. After some convincing, everyone but Emilio leaves the ship to pursue their latest lead.

On the ninth day of the expedition, the crew finds a burial ground in the jungle where English explorers and robber barons are resting beneath crude graves. They also find a "spirit tree" with dolls tied to its branches. Lincoln also finds his childhood teddy bear, Marbeley tied to the spirit tree and reclaims it as a sign that Cole had been there. The group also hears a child's voice calling out of her mother, but a freaky monkey with a doll's head on its face is all they find before it scampers off. At night, some of the dolls seem to supernaturally move and observe the camp. Meanwhile, back on the Magus, Emilio tries to convince his comatose daughter to release Cole's spirit before its passing harms her.

Late in the night, a supernatural force pulls Lincoln into the forest while he is still in his tent. Alarmed, the group decides to leave. But when they head towards the Magus, Tess is grabbed by something and nearly pulled under the water of a shallow stream. Even A.J. confirms that he saw a hand grabbing Tess to a skeptical Clark. Lena then shares a story that Cole told her about La Dejada (the Abandoned One), a young girl who drowned while trying to recover her doll from the river. According to local legend, the girl's spirit lures people out to drown them, hence the gifts left behind on the spirit tree.

Going back to the spirit tree, Kurt orders Lincoln to return his teddy bear to the tree; which falls off again two more times. The third time, Kurt ties the bear himself, but several other dolls fall as well. As the group flees in panic, they are surprised to find themselves back at the tree after a few minutes. But Tess is caught by the stream and pulled under by the vengeful spirit of the dead girl. Unable to find his mother in the water, Lincoln suggests that they give the drowned girl her mother back. So they dig up the grave of the girl's mother(!) and toss her bones into the stream(!!). Several moments later, Tess emerges from the mother's grave, alive but shaken.

On the tenth day, the crew returns to the Magus. Lincoln visits Jahel, who is still mostly unconscious. Trying to speak to his father, Lincoln promises Cole that he will protect him, but asks for a sign of where he is. Just then, Jahel coughs up the dragonfly, which escapes out the window. The young girl then apologizes to Lincoln for not holding on to Cole's spirit longer. But Jahel insists that Cole is still alive... somewhere.

Breakdown:

Oren Peli is best known for the "Paranormal Activity" film series, which have been highly successful low budget films that use the "found footage" technique. More than that, Peli seems to be relaying on "found footage" so heavily that it's going to be his defining characteristic as a filmmaker. It's his shtick, his gimmick, much like the "twist ending" became M. Night Shyamalan's trademark early in his career... which is a tag that Shyamalan hasn't been able to shake since.

In "The River," Peli is trying to recreate his previous success on the small screen by using "found footage" as the basis for the series. Unfortunately, Peli doesn't seem to realize that the gimmick can work on movie screens in part because films are more finite. They're usually over in ninety minutes or two hours. A TV series is a different beast entirely, and it's asking a lot of the audience to make them sit through eight hour-long episodes of these shaky visuals.

For "The River," the found footage technique actually makes the series seem less real than if it was shot conventionally. The best example of this is the opening scene in which Tess approaches Lincoln about going on the expedition while the camera crew is already rolling. It's a ludicrous moment, because any mother who loves her son the way that Tess seems to care for Lincoln wouldn't subject him to that kind of "gotcha" moment. But because this series has to be entirely made up of "found footage," the only way to include that scene is to make both Clark and Tess look like huge jerks towards Lincoln.

The premise for "The River" is actually pretty good. In a world where civilization is almost everywhere, the Amazon can still be a compellingly unknown and alien setting with just a touch of the supernatural. For the most part, I enjoyed the first hour of the pilot despite some occasionally shaky performances from the cameramen, the engineer and his daughter.

If I was going to judge Lincoln simply on how he was written, I probably would have hated him. But Joe Anderson manages to be likable enough that I'm willing to go with his performance. Although Lincoln's turn towards being a believer in the magic of the Amazon and of his dad's survival seemed to come out of nowhere in the first hour's closing moments; I still felt that the show had a lot of potential.

Then the second hour started.

I don't think that I've ever seen a show jump the shark in just its second episode, but "The River" may have pulled off that trick. The tone of "Marbeley" seemed very different from "Magus." But what really bothered me was the quick way that everyone on the crew accepted the reality of the supernatural occurrences and how to deal with them.

"Oh, you mean a spirit has dragged my mother under the lake because she wants her mommy? Well, clearly we need to dig up her mother's bones and toss them in the stream to get my mom back!"

What?!

And then it actually works! Thanks to the power of lazy writing! That wasn't even the only time that this happened. Even the hardened bad ass, Kurt made Lincoln return his teddy bear so that they wouldn't face further repercussions from the spirit. Should I even get started about the magic dragonfly that allows the still living spirit of Cole to invade Jahel's body... which no one questions?!?

It's one thing to keep an open mind to the supernatural and for some of the crew to start believing in it. But all of them at once?! Only Clark seems to have any skepticism, but not for long.

There's also an attempt to build up some intrigue among the crew of the Magus, with Kurt reporting to someone else about Cole's survival and Lena acting suspiciously. On a non-found footage show, those angles may have played more strongly. But because the format is what it is, the revelations didn't carry much dramatic impact. Also, Clark overheard what Kurt said and he doesn't even act any differently towards him after that reveal. I can see Clark not wanting to tip his hand too soon, but that needed some kind of follow up in the second episode.

I actually like the footage of Cole and his family in the past more than the present day sequences. Bruce Greenwood has the best acting presence on the show and Cole seems like the most interesting character around... even when he's not actually around. There was also an intriguing suggestion that Clark and Tess may have been inappropriately close at one point.

It should also be noted that it felt like Lena's late addition to the story happened because the producers seemed to realize that Lincoln had no love interest without her. The second episode hints that Lena is tied more deeply to Cole's mission than she realizes, but it was the clips of the younger Lincoln and Lena that seemed to flesh them out a little bit more than their adult counterparts.

Because there was such a discrepancy between the two episodes, I'm going to split the rating between them. "The River" may find its path eventually, but it's definitely not there yet.

Episode 1.01 "Magus"

Crave Online Rating: 7 out of 10.

Episode 1.02 "Marbeley"

Crave Online Rating: 5 out of 10.

Durant goes glass to lift Thunder over Golden State 119-116.

Golden States’ Monta Ellis went for 48 points and 7 rebounds and his teammate David Lee had a triple-double with 25 points, 11 rebounds, and 10 assists. Yet, it wasn’t enough as Golden State fell to the Thunder. Somehow the duo of Durant and Westbrook still managed to win. The game was tight the whole way with Golden State up after the first quarter and then Oklahoma up by 2 at half.

Oklahoma’s Durant didn’t put his team up to stay until their was only 14.2 seconds remaining on the clock and he went glass from just inside the 3-point arc. In response to Durant’s game winning shot Warrior’s head coach Mark Jackson commented, “I don’t think he called bank.”

Is this the case of a bitter coach after a loss? Nope, it turns out Jackson was right. Durant didn’t call bank and actually didn’t think his shot was going in at all. Durant confessed after the game that he threw up a horrible shot and was amazed it went in. I guess when you’re the 2-time NBA scoring champion shots just drop, even if you’re off.

Durant lead the Thunder with an impressive 33 points, 10 rebounds, and 7 assists and his partner in crime Westbrook went for 31 points and two clutch free throws with under 10 seconds remaining. The Warriors had their chances down the stretch, but Ellis and Rush missed 3-pointers with under a minute to go that sealed their fate.

The real breakout story of this game was Monta Ellis. He’s been a solid NBA player for years, but the question now is can he be a consistent team leader. His 48 points on 18-29 shooting and domination of the offensive flow for the Warriors is the stuff elite players are made of. Ellis has shown flashes of this brilliance in the past, but the question is can he consistently get his shot and go for monster numbers when necessary. Oh, and hitting shots with under 10 seconds left on the clock is important too.

Photo Credit: ASSOCIATED PRESS

Scott Snyder will bring Victor Fries into his Court of Owls story this May in Batman Annual #1.

The New 52 has been very hit and miss when it comes to re-establishing the classic villains in Batman's rogues gallery, but the writer who's been hitting the most is Scott Snyder.  Thankfully, he's going to be the one handling the debut of one Victor Fries, aka Mr. Freeze, in the New 52 universe, with this May's Batman Annual #1.

“Mr. Freeze is a character full of pathos and tragedy and at the end of the day, he’s one of Batman’s deadliest,” said Snyder. “So as you can imagine, I’m very excited to be able to do a story that establishes him in the new DCU, with rising stars James Tynion IV [co-writer] and Jay Fabok [artist]. This will be tale that really digs into Freeze’s psyche, explaining his connection to the Court of Owls in the present, and exploring dark secrets about his past. Really thrilled to see what you guys think!”

That's right, he's going to be connected to the dastardly Court of Owls trying to control Gotham City, and not roided-out in a prison riot or something. Here's Fabok's full cover of Batman Annual #1.  Freeze even looks like the Owl guy.

The Bat gives us jokes we deserve, not necessarily the ones we want.

One of the better things about the success of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight feature film series is the amount of parody videos the movies have spawned. The veritable Bat-Swarm of sketches each focuses on their own collection of plot holes, strange acting choices, and depressingly twist-able dialogue. The Batman may be the world’s greatest detective, but even the mightly Bat-Computer is no match for a trusty search engine, and in a short amount of time I was able to dig up a good crop of Batman-related funny to inject into your brains like your own personal comedic Dr. Leslie Thompkins.

If you got that deep cut Batman reference, good for you! If you didn’t, don’t worry... none of these sketches are digging too deep into the 70-year Batman canon  for their jokes. Cue the Bat-Signal... let’s do this!

Probably the most widely recognized parody in recent months was a pretty amazingly well designed SNL Digital Short staring Steve Buschemi as Commissioner Gordon and Andy Samberg as Batman. It’s raw, funny, and it’s right here for you to enjoy:
 

After the break we’ll look at the amazing Batman parody work from CollegeHumor.com which is not to be missed. Click on, chum.

The creative team at College Humor really has a grasp of funny, combined with an uncanny ability to exploit the holes in any plot, character, or portrayal. Probably their best known poke at the Dark Detective is “Batman Chooses his Voice” which is pretty incredible.

Pro-Tip: Enjoy Kumail Nanjiani as the street vendor in the first few seconds here. His joke is actually the best in the whole sketch.

Using pretty much the same cast (but now somehow promoting our former corrupt detective to the role of Commissioner Gordon.) The CollegeHumor team takes a stab at Batman’s odd trick of vanishing when you look away. This is ALMOST the same sketch at SNL, but I think way better. Awkward Batman is my favorite!
 

Awkward Batman returns in one of the best parodies of The Bat. The “Interrogation” sketch does a few callbacks to the previous sketch and yet stands on its own just fine. It’s hard not the give CollegeHumor the brass ring in sketch comedy, there just in a whole other league. A Justice League? No. That’s stupid.
 

Click past the break to see the best of Batman Parody ANIMATED! Cartoons, baby!
 

Sometimes real life is just too much to ask for, at least when you have a production budget. Thus, some of the best sketch work is animated in nature. So let’s look at some of the best of the Drawn Knight.

“How it Should Have Ended” (or Hishe) has made a mark on the Internet with funny, well drawn parodies about how the best and worst movies should have ended.The premise for these shorts is simple:   fill the first plot hole and then show you what might have happened. They are all good, but I prefer their treatment of superheros best. Here are a few of the superhero themed episodes from the HiShe. It’s worth a watch for Batman fans. Enjoy!


First of SUPERMAN! (and Batman)

Now IRONMAN! (and Batman)
 

Finally BATMAN!  (and Superman)
 

All of these make me all happy and tingly! I love how the HiShe guys manage to keep it fresh with the same voice-cast every time. Pretty impressive. Tune into http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/videos for a surprising amount of superheros in diners.

Keep it going for the Grab Bag of Bat-I-sodes!
 

OK,  before you go, here’s a bunch of other fun Batman parody sketches that are well worth their time, and YOUR time. First off is one that didn’t easily fit into the previous two categories... because it was both. Its animated and CollegeHumor! Check it out! (also Superman is in it!).

Here’s a re-cutting of the actual Dark Knight moive that exploits the fact that Tangerine is something that Alfred can be made to say a lot. I guess it’s just easy to cut into his speech. Plus it uses the popular Christian Bale rant. Its pretty fun! It’s from the folks in “Fall On Your Sword” and its hilarious! So are they, as it happens. Check them out!
 

Tangerine.

This next one is probably the only one I have any reservations about. It’s clearly a quick fire response to the unintelligibly muddled dialog of Bane in the “Dark Knight Rises” preview and it’s pretty funny. However I can understand what they are saying for the most part, so the idea that it’s about being hard to understand is less a joke. Plus, I just can’t get over Gordon being played by a girl in a stage mustache. It’s just creepy. Nevertheless, every time I see it I laugh, and so will you. Good job, folks!
 

Here’s another musical parody of the Dark Knight movie. It points out some problems with the plot, and shows a pretty amazing range on the singer, as he’s able to sing, and deliver in the voices of the main characters.
 

So, that’s our look at the best of the best of the bat of the funny. Hope you enjoyed it. In the next few weeks on CraveOnline.com we’ll be looking at some of the other works from these various sketch teams, as well as more funny about the Batman.

See you next time.  (Say it with me:)  Same Bat-Time.  Same Bat-Channel. Same Bat-CraveOnline.com

Batman. Hilarious! 

Dormammu, Master Mold and Giganto are three more colossals coming to the new Galactic Guardians set.

We schooled you a little while ago on Galactus and the Watcher coming to Heroclix with next month's new Galactic Guardians set.  We know there are 6 different kinds of super boosters overall, and we know five of the colossal figures you'll be able to get in them.  The sixth remains a mystery.  However, in addition to the Big G and the Big Bald U, you can also get The Dread Dormammu, who has only one other representation in the game, and that was several years ago.  This one is a lot bigger, and a hell of a lot more badass.

First of all, the last one came out in 2003, and was 206 points worth of weak defense and not nearly enough damage dealing, despite a nearly full dial of Penetrating/Psychic Blast.  Also, he sorta looked like a Scooby Doo villain.  With this new version, we've got a threat worthy of challenging Dr. Strange, and he can be played at either 250 points or a whopping 600 points. 

What do you get for 250 points?  Well, permanent Probability Control as an uncounterable trait is very good, letting you re-roll attacks at will since, as a colossal figure, chances are nothing's going to be blocking his line of fire.  That "Lord of the Dark Dimension" trait also grants friendly characters immunity to the dreaded Mystics team ability, meaning you're free to attack the hell out of your opponent's Mystic figures without fear of taking the automatic feedback damage for doing so.  On top of that, he sports that Mystics TA himself, so he getst to have his cake and eat it, too. He's also got his "Empower a Minion" special power, which basically gives a quintuple-perplex boost to a teammate who is under 150 points and could use the help.  More interesting is that nifty attack special power "Welcome To My Realm," which lets you dish out free damage to opponents whenever they take an action.  Everyone likes free damage dealing. 

What do you get for 600 points?  9 more clicks of beef than the 250 point version (coming out to about 39 points per click), some mid-dial Regeneration and a starting tough-nut-to-crack 19 Defense with Impervious.  Surprisingly, only two clicks of Impervious on the whole dial, though, but never underestimate how hesitant people are to attack people with the Mystics TA.  Especially if you're playing him with a bunch of Mindless Ones, who are great 100-point Psychic Blasting bricks sporting that same TA.  Plus, 10-range Indomitable Psychic Blast for 5 damage ain't never nothin' to sneeze at.

So, what are the other two colossals we know about?  Well, thanks to Figures.com, we can ask this: how does Master Mold sound for you? 

If you looked at those powers, you realize how awesome it is that this guy can manufacture Sentinels in the middle of a game, bringing more nasty mutant-hunting robots onto the map and flooding your opponent with robo-jerks to cut through - that is, if you play the 700 or 600 point dials.  See, this guy's so big, he sports three different dials at different point values, and you can play all three of them and run Master Mold at 1500 points if you're crazy enough to play a game that size (and many people are).  Of course, you can only bring in new Sentinels if the rest of your team is less than 300 points, which likely means you're sorta hurting for manpower, but still - the ability to drop another 300 point Sentinel on your opponent out of nowhere ain't nothin' to sneeze at - especially considering how hard it's going to be to KO the Master Mold. 

He's got craploads of damage-reducing powers, you can't Psychic Blast him, he can Multiattack at 10 range with two targets each time, and he dishes out crazy damage.  Even if you play him at the cheapest 200 point level, he starts with the ability to fry you for 6 damage, and he sports the "Retribution Virus" trait, which is like a belated Mystics damage that doubles as a sort of penetrating version of Energy Explosion that's an automatic hit to anyone who dares deal him 2 or more damage.  We're still waiting for an official ruling as to whether or not traits carry over between dials (as in, if you're playing Master Mold at 1500 points, does he retain the traits for the 600 and 700 point dials even after he's knocked all the way down to his 200 point dial, or does he only get to use them when he's still on the 600/700 dials?), but this guy's gonna be a big problem for opposing teams.

Then, we've got the lovely and talented Giganto, The Mole Monster.

Finally, the monster on the cover of Fantastic Four #1 makes its way into Heroclix - just in time to be renamed Korgu in the new Fantastic Four: Season One retelling of the FF's origin.  The big beast is very straight-forward, and is playable at 100, 200, 300 and 400 points, depending on where you start him on his dial, which he impressively dwarfs (and hopefully doesn't constantly fall over on the map when you're playing him).  The coolest thing about him is that he can dig through the ground and then pop up 10 squares away, and immediately Quake the living crap out of the opposing team, all in one action, thanks to that "Surprise Tunneling" trait.  It's also pretty badass that "Sink The Building" allows him to completely change the terrain of the map, meaning if you're opponent is counting on using blocking terrain to hide from you, Giganto here can crush that terrain into regular old hindering terrain, and there's no place to hide from your demolition.  Walking disaster, indeed!

So now we know 5 of the 6 colossals - Galactus, Uatu The Watcher, Dormammu, Giganto and Master Mold.  Who might the sixth be?  There have been plenty of rumors - everything from The Phoenix Force (to tie into Marvel's Avengers vs. X-Men event) or The Stranger or a Celestial to Shuma-Gorath, a Kree Sentry or my personal hope, Terminus (it won't be Terminus).  Stay tuned to find out, or just buy a bunch of Galactic Guardians Heroclix boosters and be surprised when you get 'em.  Last time they did the Super Booster thing like this with colossal figures, it was in the Giant-Size X-Men set, and they didn't tell anybody they were busting out Frost Giants until the set was released, so chances are, we won't know this one until somebody gets their grubby mitts on a brick.

Heroclix is a fun game.

Even after a second Super Bowl MVP, there are still doubters.

Even after winning his second Super Bowl and claiming his second big game MVP, there are still people out there who doubt Eli Manning's elite status among active QB's. Well, what the Hell do they know, I say! Below is five reasons why Eli is an elite QB like he said at the start of the season.

5. He just keeps getting better.

Eli didn't have the best start to his career as he struggled early to get used to the expectations and pressures of being a NFL quarterback. But, slowly and steadily, he has been rising the ranks of current QB's to place himself easily into the top 5 and who knows, give the guy another five years and he may even top this list. It is hard to imagine that but looking at his career improvement year by year, it's a little scary. He's like the Jason Voorhees of QB's; he just slowly catches up with anyone in front of him and cuts him down to size.

4. Eli brings it when the pressure is at his highest.

Let's face it, nobody is ever going to mistake Eli Manning for Drew Brees or even his older brother Peyton when it comes to just chucking it around the field. That's not how he's built and that's not how the Giants are built. But it's fast getting to the point where I won't take hardly anyone over him when it comes down to needing points in the final quarter of the game. This dude is making a habit of saving his best work when it's needed the most, as evidenced by his two late Super Bowl drives and NFL record 15 fourth quarter TD's this season.

3. The one quarterback you DON'T want coming to your stadium in the playoffs is Eli.

Winning playoff games as a whole are difficult but winning road playoff games is even tougher! Some of the greatest QB's to ever play the game have failed miserably when faced with road playoff games. Dan Marino went 1-6 in those situations, Joe Montana 2-5, Brett Favre 3-7. Heck, even Peyton is a measly 2-5 on the road in the playoffs. Eli, well, he's a NFL record 5-1 when traveling in the postseason....nuff said.

2. Just look at his last name!

Archie Manning didn't raise no slouches when it comes to tossing the rock. Peyton is probably the better passer of the kids but for my money, in playoff situations, you know who everyone is picking. Yep, all fingers are swiveling to Eli. Even Archie himself wasn't no slouch throwing the ball. He tossed for over 20,000 yards and made a pair of Pro Bowls. The Manning name is going to go down as the greatest NFL family name of all time, easy.

1. It is all about the bling!

Outside of Jim Plunkett, who also won two Super Bowls in his career, there hasn't been any QB without two rings that hasn't made the Hall of Fame (and I'm not talking about backups either). In Plunkett's case, it's all about the stats and his don't really stack up to those in the HOF. Eli, on the other hand, has his two rings and possibly another decade of pig-skin slinging to go. He also has statistically passed Plunkett.

No, with only two other active QB's who can boast more than one ring (Roethlisberger and Brady), Eli has every right to call himself elite, because, well, he is and he has the hardware to back it up.

Photo Credit: ASSOCIATED PRESS

The director of "Paranormal Activity" tells us about his new horror series on ABC.

Oren Peli became a mogul off of "Paranormal Activity." Now he produces a sequel every year, and other movies like Insidious. He’s also overseeing a new television series called "The River;" which uses the found footage style to generate scares as a documentary crew goes looking for a lost TV host. Peli told the Television Critics Association that the idea came from an early movie concept. After the TCA panel Peli was still hanging around so I found him in the corner of the hallway for an exclusive one on one.

Crave Online: How are you handling this stage of your career with ongoing productions in the film and television world?

Oren Peli: It’s sort of mind boggling. I don’t really think about it. I just enjoy the opportunity and as long as people allow me to do it and it’s fun, I’ll keep on doing it for as long as I can.

Crave Online: How much of the original movie idea you were developing remains in the pilot of "The River"?

Oren Peli: Not a lot. The original idea was just a grain of the idea, that we’re going on an expedition to find a missing crew. That was sort of it, so it was only the grain that became much more developed.

Crave Online: How are the episodes going to be divided between a manhunt and a standalone monster or myth?

Oren Peli: Just about every episode is going to be both. In every episode they will encounter a new threat which could be a human threat, it could be a supernatural threat, it could be something else. But at the same time, the overall arc and the overall search for Emmet Cole and the overall dynamics of the relationships continue to develop. So the plot does progress every week but we also provide a lot of scary moments of a different nature every week.

Crave Online: So there’s no episode where they take a break and stop looking for Emmet.

Oren Peli: No. I wouldn’t say so though I don’t want to get into reveals, but the show keeps moving forward.

Crave Online: How much fun did you and the producers have creating different creatures?

Oren Peli: In many ways, what we ended up going for is actual folklore, actual stories that local tribesmen and people that have been living in that region have believed in for hundreds and thousands of years. That became the inspiration to a lot of the stuff. We’d be reading the stuff and going, “This is amazing. This is a whole episode right here.” And we would take this local folklore and integrate it into our episode, so it was a great process.

Crave Online: Did it expand your knowledge of the supernatural mythology world?

Oren Peli: To some degree. There are definitely some things that we read about and learned that we didn’t know of before. It’s stuff that people there take very seriously so for them it’s not just fun entertainment. For them it’s very real stuff that we’re messing with.

Crave Online: Were you always interested in the supernatural before "Paranormal Activity"?

Oren Peli: I wouldn’t say I was specifically interested in it but I would say that even though I’m sort of a skeptic and agnostic personally, it’s the kind of stuff that would always scare me, the concept that there might be something unknown and invisible, something you don’t know what it is and it’s trying to harm you and you don’t know how to defend yourself against it. It was something I always thought was very scary.

Crave Online: The documentary crew makes the found footage angle organic. Have you been frustrated with how that genre has evolved?

Oren Peli: It doesn’t frustrate me. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m happy whenever it works and people hit a home run.

Crave Online: Were there pitfalls you learned doing "Paranormal Activity" that you’re now able to avoid on "The River"?

Oren Peli: Actually, with "Paranormal 1," I would say it went pretty smoothly so I’m actually very happy with the experience. I did learn that having the right cast is very important. That’s why we were very careful and took a lot of care into selecting the right cast here, so that they’re not only great actors in a traditional way but they also have this sense of freedom interacting that makes it feel like they’re not really acting.

They’re just going about their business and there happens to be a camera capturing it. So that’s very tricky to find people that can do that. That’s one of the main lessons and then just a lot of stuff about the camerawork, the way the camera has to film a shot organic and it shouldn’t feel too staged. So a lot of that stuff I feel like I know, stuff I learned from "Paranormal Activity" that we brought to "The River."

Crave Online: Even since "Paranormal 1," are there all sorts of new cameras you can use now?

Oren Peli: Well, now you can get a $1000 high definition camera and it’s going to look pretty good even on the big screen. We use really high quality cameras here because we did want to have the show look beautiful, and we can get away with it storywise because we’re saying the show is not being filmed by amateurs. It’s actually being filmed by a real documentary crew. So we did want to make sure that the show looks good on top of feeling natural.

Crave Online: As the producer of the franchise, how do you feel about the way Paramount’s been able to do a "Paranormal Activity" film every year, and they have plans for October again?

Oren Peli: I feel like we’ve been very lucky every year. I think Paramount’s doing a great job in producing the movie every year and in the marketing. It’s really all thanks to the fans that they come back every year, wanting to get scared again every Halloween and they want to learn about the story and the characters. So as long as we’re lucky enough to keep doing it, we’ll keep hopefully providing good scares for the fans.

Crave Online: Is there a point where you’ll decide you don’t want to overdo it or stretch it too thin, maybe we’ll take a break for a year or two?

Oren Peli: I don’t know, I think it all has to do with the [audience.] I mean, we heard people say after the first one, there was no need for a sequel and people came to see the sequel. Then people said, “Oh, well, two is enough. You definitely don’t need a third one.” Then we became the biggest horror movie opening of all time.

People say, “Oh, well, there’s definitely no need for a fourth one” but we’ll see. As long as the fans keep coming back, as long as they like the movies and they find them scary and stay engaged with the mythology, it makes sense to consider making more. When the fans tell us, “Okay, we’ve had enough” then we’ll probably stop.

Crave Online: What was the decision to hire Joost and Schulman again for "Paranormal Activity 4"?

Oren Peli: I’m not making any comments about "Paranormal 4."

Crave Online: What about plans to revisit the Insidious world?

Oren Peli: My personal philosophy is that until we officially announce something, then I keep my mouth shut and don’t mention anything.

Crave Online: So how much of your time is dominated by "The River"?

Oren Peli: These days it’s getting busier, mostly because of the publicity and romotions and getting ready. So quite a bit these days.

Crave Online: How much are postproduction effects versus in camera?

Oren Peli: Not a lot. Most of the stuff is practical effects. Sometimes it’s simple things that we use special effects for like set extensions and birds flying in the background. A few times it’s for the scares but because of the nature of the show, a lot of the scares, you know, we don’t have CGI monsters or anything like that so we don’t need special effects for that kind of stuff. A lot of the time it’s just very simple practical effects and sound.

Crave Online: So the glimpses we saw of creatures in the pilot, were those actual things in the shot?

Oren Peli: In some cases it was, some cases it’s a hybrid.

Crave Online: Is 8 episodes the right number for you?

Oren Peli: For this season it felt like eight worked out pretty well for us. It felt like we created a very nice tight season. We packed a lot of great stuff into it and we feel like we have a very nice arc and so it works very nicely on its own.

Crave Online: What do you consider the successful horror television shows?

Oren Peli: Well, I think "X-Files" and "Lost" are a couple of shows, "Lost" I wouldn’t call necessarily a horror show but it definitely had a lot of supernatural and mysterious elements. I think the tricky balance, the most important thing more than the horror is to have a compelling story, compelling drama, a show about great characters that you care about and you want to come back every week to see what they’re up to.

On top of that you put in the scares and the horror and give them real dangers and put them in risk. When you strike the right balance I think that makes a good show.

Marvel's big superhero slapfest is getting closer, and here are seven finished pages to check out to see how the fighting begins!

Marvel's premiere superteams will be duking it out all summer long, at the hands of five different writers - Brian Michael Bendis, Jason Aaron, Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction and Jonathan Hickman.  And we've got seven full, complete pages of the first real issue of this event right here.

So, without further ado, check out Avengers vs. X-Men #1, with John Romita Jr. art and a cover from Jim Cheung.

The Oscar-nominated half of Flight of the Conchords talks writing the Muppets score, teaching Chris Cooper to rap and what he'll be doing in The Hobbit.

If Bret McKenzie loses the Academy Award on February 26, it's all my fault. I jinxed it. I realized after I left the Walt Disney Studio lot yesterday afternoon that I'd asked him where he was going to keep his Oscar, and pointed out a little too often that he's heavily favored to win the Academy Award for Best Original Song for "Man or Muppet" from last year's comedy sensation The Muppets. He seemed genuinely excited to be nominated, and was happy to talk about the origins of the film's soundtrack, the influence of original Muppets songwriter Paul Williams, alternate versions of the song "Man or Muppet," and how they would have performed the song if the Academy hadn't made the bewildering decision not to perform the two - just two, mind you - nominated songs at the ceremony this year. Find out what might have been, and how Bret McKenzie taught Chris Cooper to rap, in our interview below. (Don't worry, we asked for a Hobbit update as well.)

CraveOnline: You’d worked with director James Bobin before. Were you the first person he talked to, to do the music for The Muppets?

Bret McKenzie: No, no, no… Well, James Bobin, who directed The Muppets and co-created The Flight of the Conchords… They got dozens, possibly hundreds of demos. They just opened it right up. They got lots of indie songwriters, lots of Disney musical songwriters, people who worked on Disney’s other films. James was working through the songs and hadn’t found the opening song he needed. Because he had a really specific idea to have it start smaller, and then get really gigantic. So yeah, he called me and asked if I’d write an opening song. So I came in quite far into the mix. They’d already finished the script and stuff.

Were the ideas for the songs in the script? Had they worked out lyrics?

They didn’t do lyrics, but they had ideas. Sometimes visual ideas. “Everything’s Great” was the title of the opening song. And he wanted a song that was really positive, that Jason [Segel’s] character and the little Muppet guy, Walter… That [showed] their lives were going really well.

How did “Man or Muppet” start?

So “Man or a Muppet,” at that point, was a card saying, “Man or Muppet.”

[Laughs.]

So they then said, “Write a song about being a man or a Muppet.” And they had the idea that there would be the reflections. Jason’s Muppet would be reflected in the window, so that was part of the idea. And also it was at that point in the movie when the characters were questioning their identity.

What was your relationship to The Muppets before that?

I grew up with The Muppets, yeah. I grew up loving The Muppets, so I knew the characters and I knew the world really well coming into the film.

Were you a Paul Williams fan?

Yeah, massive Paul Williams fan. That’s something I did, once I got the job, I started really listening to all those early recordings from the early films, that Paul Williams did. The early films.

Phantom of the Paradise…

That’s something I have to watch.

You should watch that. That movie’s amazing.

But yeah, I wanted to get the Paul Williams/Kenny Ascher sound for this film.

Did you try to contact him at all? Or did that not occur to you?

That didn’t really occur to me, but yes, it would have been awesome to get Paul Williams to write a song for it.

I know sometimes people just call to get their blessing. It’s sort of like asking someone’s father for their hand in marriage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

You’re going to do it anyway. You’re just trying to be polite.

I think he liked the film.

Unfortunately, we just heard yesterday that they’re not going to be performing either of the Oscar-nominated songs at the ceremony.

Yeah, I found that out last night as well. And that’s a shame, because it would have been fun to get a man and a Muppet up there.

Were you hoping to do that yourself?

I don’t know whether I’d do it. It would probably be… Well, now that we’re not doing it, it doesn’t really matter… But I think ideally it would have been Jason and Walter, maybe get Jim Parsons and maybe some extra Muppets to do [backing vocals]. I don’t know, maybe I’d play piano or something.

You know you’re going to win, right?

Fingers crossed.

You’ve got 50/50 odds. No one has better.

The odds are as good as they could ever be! I’m never going to get a better chance of winning an Oscar.

Have you seen Rio?

Yeah, it’s great! The song’s really cool, the Rio song. I’m happy to be [just] an Academy nominee. It’s still a great title.

Where are you going to put your Oscar, if you get it?

On my piano.

You’re going to look at it while you’re writing…

[Mimes playing piano while looking up at his Oscar] – Duhn…! Argh, this song’s not good enough for an Academy Award nominee! [Thinks] – If I won, yeah. I was thinking of, from now on there’s going to be a lot of pressure when I write songs. It’s gotta be better than this!

You already won a Grammy. Is the Oscar bigger than the Grammy, do you think?

Oh yeah, definitely. There’s something about the Oscars, that the whole world watches that ceremony. Do you know what I mean? The other ones are kind of smaller.

Out of all the songs that you wrote for The Muppets that you wrote, is there anything that didn’t make the cut? Or an alternate take, like a reggae version of Man or Muppet out there somewhere?

[Thinks] – There are a lot of different versions. I did one that was more like Harry Nilsson’s “One.” I’m a big Harry Nilsson fan, so anything that might sound like Harry Nilsson, I’m like, “Try it this way! What else did Harry Nilsson do?” Because “Man or Muppet” is more like “Without You.” [Sings] – “I can’t live…!”

There are dozens of Chris Cooper alternate rap versions.

I noticed there’s a long version of Chris Cooper’s song on the CD, with his character’s backstory.

Oh yeah, the opera break! Yeah, there was an opera break.

It’s actually weird that that was cut, because it’s the only time we get his backstory, in terms of why he’s evil instead of just being “evil.”

Oh, I know. Yeah, you’re right. That was not my job. Chris Cooper, it cuts back to him as a child, and all the Muppets are laughing at him, his friends are laughing at him, and he doesn’t get the joke, and that’s why he hates The Muppets. They cut that pretty early on. Generally the songs get shorter and shorter as the editing process goes on. They want to keep the rhythm of the movie going.

How early was it that you found out Chris Cooper could really rap?

I had a great Skype session with him.

Did you have him do that song, or did you have do some Jay-Z?

I had written that rap, so I was rapping it to him and he’d rap it back? We said it was a practice, but actually it was me trying to find out if he had rhythm. Because sometimes you just don’t know.

Tell me you recorded that.

We didn’t record it!

Damn it! Best DVD extra…!

I know, it’s crazy! It would have been so good. I don’t know what we were thinking, but at the time everyone was really stressed because we couldn’t get the connection to work. It was supposed to be like… We were in a fancy Hollywood studio, he was in Boston. It was meant to be a perfect recording. But in the end it was just me and him on Skype. There was a delay. You know how on Skype there’s a slight delay? Which, when you’re rapping, is very weird. But he’s got some mad flow.

I’ve got to go, but in The Hobbit does Figwit get to sing, or kill anybody?

No, there’s no sword. I’m not an elven warrior. I’m still a dude hanging around.

I’m picturing you with a lyre and a giant feather in your cap…

I think it was tempting to try and do something like that, but they didn’t want to be too silly. But the film, for what it’s worth, it’s going to be great. It’s really pretty amazing.