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Finally, a great solution to that pesky zombie apocalypse!

Welcome to the second episode of Weekly Shorts Showcase, bringing you an awesome new short film every Thursday. This week's short takes the form of a hilarious informercial spoof that would come in handy come the zombie apocalypse. Check it out only if you can stomach the impressively disgusting effects-

Tune in every Thursday for more world-class short films. A preview of things to come-

Have a short film you'd like to submit? Check out our submission guidelines and info.

A young Cleveland team is exceeding expectations at this early stage of the season.

Rebuilding in any sport is a grueling and sometimes long process. It takes the right head coach, the right players, and most importantly, the right kind of owner. Without these three thing, you end up in a rebuilding limbo that just never seems to take hold, ala the Cleveland Browns of the NFL. The Browns seem to never be able to get the right combo to get out of the gutter of the AFC, a fact that grates on their fans, some of the most devoted in sports.

Luckily for them, the other professional Cleveland team seems to be making a fast track with their rebuilding.

That other team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, have been a pleasant surprise this year for a fan base that is used to disappointments and underachieving. Sitting at 10-14 in the early going of this reduced season may not seem like much, but considering they went 19-63 just a season ago, well, you can get where any growth would be met with applause.

This years Cavaliers team isn't the one that's supposed to make them contenders but it does have some pieces in place for the future. The most notable one is rookie point guard Kyrie Irving. Irving, drafted number 1 overall, has far exceeded what even his best supporters thought he could do in the early going. At only 19 and with only 11 college games under his belt, Irving has stepped onto the court in the pro's and looks like he was born there. Averaging 18 points a game and 5 assists while playing smart ball and not turning it over much, Irving justly merits All-Star consideration, even with this being his first year.

A good point guard, like Irving (who has the potential to be great), is perhaps the most important piece in building a contender. Like a stud Quarterback, a point guard, a true pg, is in control of his team and elevates the play of those around him with his reads and good decisions. That's what Irving does and that's why this team is going nowhere but up in the near future.

With that position secured, the major decisions for this franchise is before them with players like Ramon Sessions, Daniel Gibson, Antawn Jamison and Anderson Varejao. All of these players are prime contributors at this present time but most aren't viable pieces for the Cavaliers moving forward. The team is trying for good and young and while the majority of these guys aren't that aged, their value to the team could be more on the trade market. The next couple of weeks will be interesting in this department.

All that being said and whatever changes may befall this team this season, one thing is for certain. The team is heading in the right direction, one that the Browns should take note of and emulate with the drafting of quarterback Robert Griffin III.

But that's an article for another time.

Photo Credit: ASSOCIATED PRESS

The results of this comparison aren't quite what you'd expect.

Kyrie Irving, the Cleveland Cavaliers second number 1 draft pick this past decade, comes into the Cavalier franchise with some pretty big shoes to fill. Those shoes belong to the former number 1 draft pick that Cleveland had, LeBron James. James, practically since birth it seems, has been the golden child of the NBA and with the exception of recent mood shifts against him, has been it's go-to guy for bringing in fans.

A talented athlete without par in that regards, LeBron left a legacy at Cleveland that nobody thinks, or expects, Irving to fill. The thing about that, however, is that the 19 year old Irving is actually exceeding the 'King' at this stage of his career, when compared to LeBron at this stage.

As hard as that is to fathom, below is the comparison of the two athletes at nearly the identical point in each of their young careers. For LeBron, these are his stats after 22 games in the NBA. For Irving, it's 23. By no means does this represent what the finished product of both their careers are going to reflect but just for now, these numbers may surprise you.

They did me.

By the Numbers: Irving vs LeBron

Field Goal %

Edge: Irving. His 49.2% average edges out LeBron's 39.9%

3-point %

Edge: Irving. His 41.3% edges out LeBron's 31.6%

FT %

Edge: Irving. His 83% edges out LeBron's 71.7%

Assists

Edge: LeBron. His 139 edges out Irving's 117

Turnovers

Edge: Irving. He has the fewer TO with 73 to the Kings 80

Points Per Game

Edge: Irving. Edges LeBron with his 18 ppg to his 16.8

The Early Winner: Kyrie Irving

Irving is showing, in the early going, that he is more than capable of doing for this team what LeBron did for the Cavs when he came to the pro's. Irving has also shown a flair for late game heroics, something that James has shied away from his whole career.

Like I said before, though, this may be nothing more than some interesting facts at this stage of the game but the numbers don't lie.

And neither will the future, which is pretty bright for the newest young Cavs star.

Photo Credit: ASSOCIATED PRESS

Erik and Joey find out who comes out to play when Batman is out of town.

We’re headed to Gotham City for this week’s episode of Watch Us Play. Join Erik Norris and Joey Davidson  gear up for team “Bats” to take the fight to the “Jokerz” while Batman is out of town on business.

For anyone that doesn’t know, Gotham City Impostors is a wacky first-person shooter from Monolith Studios set in the Batman universe that plays a lot like Team Fortress 2 with a heavy emphasis on unlocking new gadgets and equipment. We give you the rundown on all of these things in this week’s show.

Watch us play Gotham City Impostors in HD.

If you enjoy these Watch Us Play, please leave a comment below. You can also follow us on Twitter and subscribe on YouTube for more CraveOnline original series.

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[VIDEO]  The New Orleans Hornets may not be winning games, but they're winning at life.

Back in the days of Jordan, player intros were akin to rock concerts.  The iconic music would begin to play in Chicago.  The lights would dim and the Bulls logo would flash and spin across the court.  The intro was almost more exciting than the game.  Then again, that was a Bulls team with names like Jordan and Pippen and something we like to call a winning season.  When a lame duck team like the New Orleans Hornets does their intros what do fans really have to cheer for?  Last night the Hornets recognized how much of a joke they were and brought out funny-man Will Ferrell to do the intros "however he pleased". 

Enjoy.

Photo Credit: C.Smith/ WENN.com

The Big East continues to rebuild and this time around basketball.

It was finally announced Wednesday that Memphis will be the latest addition to the Big East. This is a milestone for Memphis who had been trying to upgrade its conference for years. The last time Memphis made a push to join the Big East was 2005 and they were rejected, but this time the Big East was looking for help after losing three top programs and the addition of Memphis was truly needed.

The current Big East is in a precarious situation. They are losing teams right, left, and center and need to do something to stop the bleeding. Memphis joining the Big East helps solidify the basketball prowess the Big East was originally built on. Some of this prowess will soon be seriously depleted with the upcoming departures of Syracuse, West Virginia, and Pitt. Memphis is a perennial basketball heavyweight with 10 straight 20-win seasons, 23 tournament appearances, and 3 Final Fours. They make a great addition to the basketball schedule next winter.

College conferences all went through major shakeups last year when programs decided to boldly jump conferences to put football first. Football is clearly the most profitable sport in college athletics and colleges have been eagerly re-aligning their conference affiliations to maximize this moneymaker. Unfortunately, this means all other sports have been all but forgotten. Even sports with mass appeal like men’s basketball has been largely forgotten in this conference jumping.

The magic number for all NCAA conferences is now 12. This is the number of football programs a conference needs to have in order for them to have a conference championship game. Why would conferences want conference championship games? Money. Money. Money.

Although Big East commissioner John Marinatto insists there will be no more additions to the Big East this year, he admits he is eager to add one more university. For basketball fans lets just hope it’s a school that knows how to do more than run with the ball, but also hoop with it. On the bright side, now the Louisville vs. Memphis rivalry will be a Big East affair. Who said change is all bad? 

Photo Credit: ASSOCIATED PRESS

All the music news stories you need to know about this week!

Welcome back to the weekly CraveOnline music news update blast from our resident vlogging wizard and host Sami Jarroush, better known to the world as the mastermind behind the awesome daily rock news/video blog RockItOut!Blog!

This week, Sami brings you the week's biggest music news updates, running through stories on Metallica, Festivals, The Grammys, Deftones and more!

Check it!

Check out the last episode of Rock It Out! and check back next week for another installment of the best damn music-news video update on the webz!

Get your eyes around some exhilarating performance footage from the Watch The Throne Tour.

The wait is over for Jay-Z and Kanye West's anticipated "Niggas in Paris" video, to accompany what's arguably the biggest single from the duo's Watch The Throne collaboration album.

The clip for the track, which hit No. 1 on both the Rap Songs and R&B/Hip-Hop Songs charts on Billboard, feature footage from the duo’s Los Angeles stop on their Watch the Throne Tour from this winter, where they played the song a staggering ten times in a row. Judging from the mix of live sound and performance footage, it's clear that there was a specific vision in mind that, audience be damned, the pair were determined to see through to fruition.

“['Niggas In Paris'] was a joint that I did at the crib” Hit-Boy told XXLMag.com in August. “They were in Paris, and I didn’t get to actually attend those sessions out there, but I just got a hit-up on e-mail saying, ‘Yo, we need the files to this beat,’ and it turned out to be ‘Niggas in Paris.’ [It] is just a high-energy record. It’s gonna be played in the club, I feel. It’s something that can be played on the radio. It’s one of those joints that get you out your seat for sure. It’s about ballin’ man! It’s like real stunt-tastic. Every time I hear those dudes rap on my beats, I’m still in awe. I’m a fan. These are really two dudes that I looked up to the most out of any artist, pretty much. It’s just surreal.”

As we mentioned in our 2012's Most Anticipated Hip-Hop Albums piece, there's a solid chance we'll be seeing a sequel to Watch The Throne this year. We'll keep you posted on developments.

Even Dwayne Johnson can't save this one...

If there’s a lesson to be learned from Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, it’s that Dwayne Johnson can make any movie watchable… even Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. And that’s no small feat. The special effects-laden sequel to 2008’s Journey to the Center of the Earth is a pretty awful film that uses imaginative set pieces to obscure the fact that it has no story whatsoever. There’s an island, alright. It’s pretty mysterious. Now watch as Luis Guzman flicks berries at The Rock’s chest! Watch, you stupid monkeys, and pay us for the privilege! Mwa-hahahahaha!

The plot… er, sequence of events… involves Josh Hutcherson receiving a secret communiqué from his grandfather, Michael Caine, who claims to have found the “Mysterious Island” that Jules Verne wrote about in 1974. Hutcherson declares himself a “Vernian,” which the film claims is a secret society of investigators who believe that everything Jules Verne wrote about is 100% true. He also gets indignant about it, which is a strange attitude given the dubious nature of conspiracy theory, which Google doesn’t seem to think exists in real life. But Hutcherson ropes his stepfather, Dwayne Johnson, into the quest and hires a tour guide, Luis Guzman, to take them to the island. And just for the sake of putting her in tiny shorts (appreciated in IMAX 3D), Guzman’s daughter Vanessa Hudgens goes along for the ride.

Before long, they’ve arrived at the Mysterious Island, found Michael Caine, and discover that they have to leave before it all sinks in a matter of days. So they walk across the island in order to leave. That’s it, folks. They walk. Occasionally they run from giant animals, or ride giant bees, but those are just set pieces with no connection to the actual characters. There’s no conflict between the heroes, no villain to stop. The closest thing they have to an argument stems from Michael Caine refusing to call Dwayne Johnson by his nickname. The closest thing to a theme is an occasionally tacked-on absentee father anecdote, which is in no way connected to the film’s events beyond the infrequent line of dialogue about it. It’s like somebody strung together a list of set pieces and told somebody to just shut up and shoot it in 3D and hope the raw charisma of The Rock would save the day, and to his credit, he almost does. But believe it or not, it took at least three people to write the script for Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. You’d think at least one of them would have been able to string together some kind of narrative.

Oh sure, it’s tempting to write Journey 2 off as harmless, good-natured fun, but lots of things are tempting. It’s tempting to cheat on your taxes, watch porn on your office computer and eat nothing but deep-fried Twinkies, but you shouldn’t actually do any of that. The only defense for this movie is to say that it’s not actually “trying” to be good, but that doesn’t make any sense. Are we supposed to applaud just because they set the bar low and barely reached it? If you said, “I’m going to do nothing but watch TV all day and eat Cheetos,” and you actually did it, it’s not like you’d deserve some kind of medal when you were done. You were lazy, you accomplished nothing, and while there are certainly less enjoyable ways to spend the day, you obviously wasted your time. And in the case of Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, you also wasted millions of dollars, even if it does look pretty good on an IMAX screen.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is preceded by a new short that stars two of the Looney Tunes characters, but which has no right whatsoever to call itself an actual Looney Tune. Daffy’s Rhapsody isn’t funny, but beyond that it translates both the title character and Elmer Fudd into 3D grotesqueries that are difficult to look at, let alone enjoy. The realistic feathers on Daffy Duck’s body only call attention to the fact that in three-dimensional space he’d be something of an abomination. Let us never speak of it again.
 

CraveOnline Rating: 3.5/10

Six months after the disappearance of TV explorer Dr. Emmet Cole, his wife and son lead a dangerous expedition to save him.

Episode Title: "Magus"

Story by: Oren Peli & Michael R. Perry

Teleplay by: Michael Green and Michael R. Perry

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Episode Title: "Marbeley"

Writers: Michael Green & Zack Estrin

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Premise:

TV explorer Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) disappeared in the Amazon forest and seemingly perished. Six months later, Cole's estranged wife, Tess (Leslie Hope) and his grown son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson) led an expedition to find him. "The River" is comprised entirely of "found footage" from the second expedition intercut with clips from Cole's TV series, "The Undiscovered Country" and other related videos.

Story:

On camera, Tess asks Lincoln to accompany her on a quest to find his father (and her husband), Dr. Emmet Cole. Reluctantly, Lincoln agrees as Cole's ex-producer, Clark Quietly (Paul Blackthorne) bankrolls the trip in return for full access for his cameramen, A.J. Poulain (Shaun Parkes) and Sammy Kirsch (Jeff Galfer) . Also on board are Cole's former engineer, Emilio Valenzuela (Daniel Zacapa), Emilo's daughter, Jahel (Paulina Gaitan) and a fearsome bodyguard by the name of Captain Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann).

After three days on the Amazon, the ship finds Cole's transponder in a protective underwater cage with no sign of Cole or his ship, The Magus. Lincoln suggests that this means that his father is dead, but Tess insists that they continue. The next day, their ship stops to take on supplies when a helicopter sets down with Lena Landry (Eloise Mumford), the daughter of Cole's cameraman, Russ Landry, who is presumed missing alongside his employer. Lena rips into Lincoln for not telling her about their expedition and she forces herself on the crew by saying that she knows where to find the Magus.  

The next day, the crew takes two rafts up the river, where they discover the Magus washed up on the side and seemingly devoid of life. They soon discover that the panic room has been sealed from the outside. But when they hear banging from within, they theorize that Cole and Russ are trapped inside. So, they open the door and discover an odd creature that attacks Lena at high speeds and then escapes into the jungle. While treating Lena's injury, Lincoln learns that she had been in contact with his father prior to his disappearance.

After Lena is seen behaving suspiciously, the crew discovers that the rafts have been disabled and the sounds of the creature surround them. With no other recourse, the crew makes the Magus sea worthy again. But in a second attack by the creature, Sammy is killed. Convinced that the creature may be Cole's producer, Cam Travers (somehow transformed), Tess begs "Cam" for answers about Cole's survival before she is slashed two times. Lincoln manages to trap the creature in a container found in the panic room before he throws it overboard.

The next day, Clark is in the editing bay when he spies on Kurt and he overhears the security expert report to someone via radio that he will put down Cole if he found "the source." On the deck of the ship, Tess is ready to give up, but Lincoln is suddenly convinced that Cole is alive and that there really is magic in the undiscovered country of the Amazon. On the eighth day, Jahel and Emilio restore full power to the Magus while Lincoln, Clark and Lena go over Cole's tapes in the hope of finding clues to his location.

That night, a dragonfly crawls down Jahel's throat while she is sleeping. When she awakens, she seeks out Tess and the spirit of Cole speaks through her to his wife by urging Tess to leave. But after a few moments, Jahel convulses and passes out. As Jahel's father and the rest of the crew watch over Jahel, Tess relates what she was told, including the detail that Cole is alive and being held against his will. After some convincing, everyone but Emilio leaves the ship to pursue their latest lead.

On the ninth day of the expedition, the crew finds a burial ground in the jungle where English explorers and robber barons are resting beneath crude graves. They also find a "spirit tree" with dolls tied to its branches. Lincoln also finds his childhood teddy bear, Marbeley tied to the spirit tree and reclaims it as a sign that Cole had been there. The group also hears a child's voice calling out of her mother, but a freaky monkey with a doll's head on its face is all they find before it scampers off. At night, some of the dolls seem to supernaturally move and observe the camp. Meanwhile, back on the Magus, Emilio tries to convince his comatose daughter to release Cole's spirit before its passing harms her.

Late in the night, a supernatural force pulls Lincoln into the forest while he is still in his tent. Alarmed, the group decides to leave. But when they head towards the Magus, Tess is grabbed by something and nearly pulled under the water of a shallow stream. Even A.J. confirms that he saw a hand grabbing Tess to a skeptical Clark. Lena then shares a story that Cole told her about La Dejada (the Abandoned One), a young girl who drowned while trying to recover her doll from the river. According to local legend, the girl's spirit lures people out to drown them, hence the gifts left behind on the spirit tree.

Going back to the spirit tree, Kurt orders Lincoln to return his teddy bear to the tree; which falls off again two more times. The third time, Kurt ties the bear himself, but several other dolls fall as well. As the group flees in panic, they are surprised to find themselves back at the tree after a few minutes. But Tess is caught by the stream and pulled under by the vengeful spirit of the dead girl. Unable to find his mother in the water, Lincoln suggests that they give the drowned girl her mother back. So they dig up the grave of the girl's mother(!) and toss her bones into the stream(!!). Several moments later, Tess emerges from the mother's grave, alive but shaken.

On the tenth day, the crew returns to the Magus. Lincoln visits Jahel, who is still mostly unconscious. Trying to speak to his father, Lincoln promises Cole that he will protect him, but asks for a sign of where he is. Just then, Jahel coughs up the dragonfly, which escapes out the window. The young girl then apologizes to Lincoln for not holding on to Cole's spirit longer. But Jahel insists that Cole is still alive... somewhere.

Breakdown:

Oren Peli is best known for the "Paranormal Activity" film series, which have been highly successful low budget films that use the "found footage" technique. More than that, Peli seems to be relaying on "found footage" so heavily that it's going to be his defining characteristic as a filmmaker. It's his shtick, his gimmick, much like the "twist ending" became M. Night Shyamalan's trademark early in his career... which is a tag that Shyamalan hasn't been able to shake since.

In "The River," Peli is trying to recreate his previous success on the small screen by using "found footage" as the basis for the series. Unfortunately, Peli doesn't seem to realize that the gimmick can work on movie screens in part because films are more finite. They're usually over in ninety minutes or two hours. A TV series is a different beast entirely, and it's asking a lot of the audience to make them sit through eight hour-long episodes of these shaky visuals.

For "The River," the found footage technique actually makes the series seem less real than if it was shot conventionally. The best example of this is the opening scene in which Tess approaches Lincoln about going on the expedition while the camera crew is already rolling. It's a ludicrous moment, because any mother who loves her son the way that Tess seems to care for Lincoln wouldn't subject him to that kind of "gotcha" moment. But because this series has to be entirely made up of "found footage," the only way to include that scene is to make both Clark and Tess look like huge jerks towards Lincoln.

The premise for "The River" is actually pretty good. In a world where civilization is almost everywhere, the Amazon can still be a compellingly unknown and alien setting with just a touch of the supernatural. For the most part, I enjoyed the first hour of the pilot despite some occasionally shaky performances from the cameramen, the engineer and his daughter.

If I was going to judge Lincoln simply on how he was written, I probably would have hated him. But Joe Anderson manages to be likable enough that I'm willing to go with his performance. Although Lincoln's turn towards being a believer in the magic of the Amazon and of his dad's survival seemed to come out of nowhere in the first hour's closing moments; I still felt that the show had a lot of potential.

Then the second hour started.

I don't think that I've ever seen a show jump the shark in just its second episode, but "The River" may have pulled off that trick. The tone of "Marbeley" seemed very different from "Magus." But what really bothered me was the quick way that everyone on the crew accepted the reality of the supernatural occurrences and how to deal with them.

"Oh, you mean a spirit has dragged my mother under the lake because she wants her mommy? Well, clearly we need to dig up her mother's bones and toss them in the stream to get my mom back!"

What?!

And then it actually works! Thanks to the power of lazy writing! That wasn't even the only time that this happened. Even the hardened bad ass, Kurt made Lincoln return his teddy bear so that they wouldn't face further repercussions from the spirit. Should I even get started about the magic dragonfly that allows the still living spirit of Cole to invade Jahel's body... which no one questions?!?

It's one thing to keep an open mind to the supernatural and for some of the crew to start believing in it. But all of them at once?! Only Clark seems to have any skepticism, but not for long.

There's also an attempt to build up some intrigue among the crew of the Magus, with Kurt reporting to someone else about Cole's survival and Lena acting suspiciously. On a non-found footage show, those angles may have played more strongly. But because the format is what it is, the revelations didn't carry much dramatic impact. Also, Clark overheard what Kurt said and he doesn't even act any differently towards him after that reveal. I can see Clark not wanting to tip his hand too soon, but that needed some kind of follow up in the second episode.

I actually like the footage of Cole and his family in the past more than the present day sequences. Bruce Greenwood has the best acting presence on the show and Cole seems like the most interesting character around... even when he's not actually around. There was also an intriguing suggestion that Clark and Tess may have been inappropriately close at one point.

It should also be noted that it felt like Lena's late addition to the story happened because the producers seemed to realize that Lincoln had no love interest without her. The second episode hints that Lena is tied more deeply to Cole's mission than she realizes, but it was the clips of the younger Lincoln and Lena that seemed to flesh them out a little bit more than their adult counterparts.

Because there was such a discrepancy between the two episodes, I'm going to split the rating between them. "The River" may find its path eventually, but it's definitely not there yet.

Episode 1.01 "Magus"

Crave Online Rating: 7 out of 10.

Episode 1.02 "Marbeley"

Crave Online Rating: 5 out of 10.