Florida Man Gets Year in Jail After Epic Court Rant

It doesn't get much dumber than insulting a judge.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest. Telling somebody to “suck your d**k” usually isn’t a good idea, especially when the person you’re talking to has the power to lock you up in a place where you could wind up doing the sucking.

Christopher Colon was in Broward County Bond Court on Thursday afternoon, facing charges of domestic battery, and he was apparently under the impression that Judge John “Jay” Hurley would let him return home before the trial.

But when Hurley informed him that wasn’t going to be the case, Colon went off on a rant so epic and vulgar that it made 2 Live Crew sound like a Christian rap group:

We’re still trying to determine which moment was funnier. On one hand, listening to old man Judge Hurley read over the names Colon called his alleged victim – like “the p-word” and “racist-ass, white-ass cracker” – was hysterical.

On the other hand, listening to Colon tell Judge Hurley that he was “dead-ass serious” about Hurley sucking his d**k just might be the 2014 equivalent of “Give me liberty, or give me death!”

Speaking of epic rants: Man From Mars Won’t Take Orders From Women