5 Things to do Now That You Are Full of Tigers Blood

Tiger Blood, is it in ya?

Sam Proofby Sam Proof

5 Things to do Now That You Are Full of Tigers Blood

Recently, after the most winningest interview with self proclaimed bi-winner and Rock star from Mars, Charlie Sheen came to light people realized that they should in fact be full of Tigerblood.


How you get your hands on this amazing new wonder product, and transfuse it to your body is your own business, but once you have might I suggest these amazing opportunities  to use your new found awesomeocity.


#5 – Defeat Justin Bieber –


This may seem like small fries in a world of amazing, things that explode. But really nobody else is taking care of this blight, so why shouldn’t it be you? You are after all now made of pure win, and the mere fact that Justin Bieber exists in the same time space continuum should be reason enough to destroy him


Justin Bieber Shot Dead in 'CSI' Role


#4 – Ride a tiger mounted to the back of a T-rex, armed with chainsaws and missiles.-


Pretty sure that’s like ‘nuff said, but if you can’t imagine this clearly, then perhaps your full of something other than Tiger blood. Nuff said. If you need any help with your visualization, how about this:



(artist rendering incomplete)


#3 – Fly Backwards Around the Earth (ala Super Man) Until you can go back in time and bring back Jericho –


Seriously, that show was awesome and I’m pissed off that it never got a fair shake. While you’re at it, smack a few TV execs around and explain to them that ratings/shares are BS fan loyalty is more important and ad money will come to whatever is on… srsly…


 (EDITORS NOTE: If not Jerrico then how about Firefly, or Brimstone, or Dresden Files, or POLICE SQUAD!)


#2 – Screwing with Qaddafi –

Ok look it’s all fun and games but good God man, mother fucking Muammar Qaddafi needs to be put in a headlock, given an atomic wedgey, a noggey and get a purple nurple. While you’re at it, Flip cam that shit and upload it to youtube. Let’s see him dictate his way out of that that.




#1 –   Be a God –

You knows what’s better than being a God? Being a God with Tigerblood! And once you’ve got Tigerblood, you’re pretty much whatever you want to be anyway. So Declare that shit. Be like “Yo teach, I just changed my major to ‘me’, and I’m getting a A triple +” then yell “booyah”, grab Natalie Portman  and fly to the moon and have crazy amounts of space sex in Zero G.


Of course when it’s all said and done it takes Adonis DNA to activate your tiger blood, and that’s a lot harder to come by. So for now we can just dream of being full of tiger blood.  Just wait, its only so long before someone comes out with it in pill form.




Stay Strong!