Happy Easter my cynic-loving readers. Or Happy Belated Easter for those of you hopping on after the holidays. I know this is much too heartfelt for The Sports Cynic, but I like Easter so, tough.
As a treat for you I have written about a few things that bothered me this week, but also hid Easter eggs throughout! So be sure to find the hidden treasures in the article to find some fun.
To start things off, lets talk about the NBA Playoffs. I decided it would be a good idea to watch some basketball yesterday. A little piece of my heart has been gone ever since March Madness ended and felt like some NBA Playoffs might make me whole again. I was terribly wrong. The Bulls and Pacers ran up and down the court chasing basketballs like they were in a six-year-old AYSO soccer game, and Derrick Rose and company were shooting like a middle school girls basketball team. It was not a good way to spend a Saturday morning.
Have I mentioned how much I love the U.S. Government? Maybe if they didn't spend millions trying Barry Bonds in court, they could send me my damn tax refund already. I wonder how many actual criminals were waiting to be tried in court while they brought Bond's former mistress on the stand to talk about the size of his testicles? But who am I kidding, nailing a guy for lying about the use of steroids, which aren't even illegal by the way, is far more important than putting a serial killer behind bars for good. My apologies.
At least all the talk about the NFL lockout has been fun. There's nothing like listening to a bunch of millionaires talk about how they don't make enough money while i sit in my apartment eating ramen noodles and PB&J. But I understand, football is the most watched sport in America. This must be why other countries love us. While they deal with their petty problems like wide-spread starvation and wicked dictators and enjoy killing off their own people, we have more important things to do, like argue about how TV advertising dollars are split up between the monopoly men.
I hope you found all the Easter eggs! Because I'm old school. No plastic eggs for me, only painted, hard-boiled eggs for this Easter enthusiast. And you know it's not fun to find an old egg in August. Hot summers make them quite stanky.
Until next time, good luck figuring things out on your own.
P.S. – Yes the Easter eggs are pretty obvious and easy to find… I just know you might be pretty dumb so I didn't want to make it too tough for you. Much love.