You gotta love that hammer from Thor, don’t you? All-powerful, classy design, perfect for housework… but before you start saving up for one of your own make note: only the ‘worthy’ can even pick it up. That’s not a great enchanted object for the casual consumer. But you know what is? Everything on this list: Crave Online’s picks for The Top Ten Enchanted Objects In Movies. It’s the stuff you want, the stuff you need, and most importantly the stuff dreams are made of. Our dreams, anyway…
10. THE SKULL FROM 'VICE VERSA'
Judge Reinhold (who is not, in fact, a real judge) starred in this 1988 family film in which a workaholic father switches bodies with his young son, played by Fred Savage. How’d they do it? A magic ornamental skull… and we want one. It’s far from the most useful item on this list, but it would be a hell of a lot of fun at parties and also for those, um… ‘experimental’ nights at home with your significant other. Come on… you know you’re thinking it.
9. THE MASK FROM 'THE MASK'
The mask of Loki from the 1994 comedy hit starring Jim Carrey brings your id to life, turning you into a living cartoon character. Sure, it only works at night, but who wouldn’t want a night filled with fun and fantasy and the youngest, hottest Cameron Diaz in film history? We’d be green with envy ourselves. See what we did there? That’s good comedy. The problem, of course, is that not everyone’s a kindhearted goof at, well… heart. So we’d have to insist on a full psychological profile before we gave it to you, just to make sure you’re not an evil mastermind, or even just kind of a douche.
8. THE RED SLIPPERS FROM 'THE WIZARD OF OZ'
Dorothy’s ruby red slippers from The Wizard of Oz would be higher on the list if we were only interested in how famous these things are, but these babies has two strikes against them. First, they’re only a one-way teleporter. They’ll get you home, but getting where you need to go in the first place is your own responsibility. So it’ll save you a little money on a two-way plane ticket to Borneo, but you’ll still have to deal with the TSA at some point. (Of course there’s always the dirt-cheap tornado express, but that has its own problems.) That’s still kinda cool, but then there’s the second problem: those are some gaudy-ass slippers. Bright red sparkles? Not for everyone. What can we say? We’re not a ‘summer.’
7. THE SNEAKERS FROM 'LIKE MIKE'
The 2002 family fantasy Like Mike starred Lil Bow Wow (now just ‘Bow Wow;’ you know, because it’s more respectable) as an orphan who finds himself in possession of a pair of sneakers that used to be owned by Michael Jordan, which are then promptly struck by lightning. Naturally, that means the sneakers can now bestow upon Mr. Wow the basketball-playing prowess of an NBA All-Star, allowing the 4-foot-nothing child to dunk a ball from halfway across the court. On the surface it seems like a pretty sweet deal, offering instant stardom with minimal effort, but it’s not at the top of our list because seriously, think of the downside of getting caught with the ultimate performance enhancers. You’d shame the sport of basketball for decades… but at least you’d look damned cool doing it.
6. THE BOWLING BALL FROM 'MYSTERY MEN'
Look beyond the fact that there’s a human skull in there (what, like it’s any creepier than the paperweight from Vice Versa?) and seriously consider the bowling ball from Mystery Men. The 1999 superhero comedy starring Ben Stiller, Tom Waits, William H. Macy, Paul Reubens and a host of other impressive actors as a team of B-List superheroes with B-Grade superpowers, like the ability to shovel well (very well), throw forks with deadly accuracy or turn invisible… but only when nobody’s looking. Obviously, the most useful member of the team is The Bowler, played with surly charm by Janeane Garofalo, whose bowling ball is haunted by her dead father. In addition to flying around the battlefield with deadly accuracy, just imagine how much of a hero it would make you at the lanes, pulling off trick bank shots and putting the redefining the perfect game by knocking down every pin in the alley at once. Not an especially useful item, necessarily, but we wouldn’t turn it down.
5. THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK FROM 'HARRY POTTER'
I know the girl’s locker room is around here somewhere… In all seriousness, who wouldn’t want to be invisible? Harry Potter’s cloak – one of the famed ‘Deathly Hallows,’ don’t forget – is the best damned invisibility object on the market. Loads better than that stupid Lord of the ring, which gradually turns the user into a sniveling monster and makes it look and sound like you’re stuck in a freaking wind tunnel. Sure, you still have to be real super quiet with the invisibility cloak, but we think that’s a fair price to pay for sneaking into the girl’s locker ro… Um, the candy store at night. Yeah, that’s the ticket… The candy store…
4. THE CARPET BAG FROM 'MARY POPPINS'
Okay Mary, the floaty umbrella is kind of neat. And the magic castor oil ain’t bad either. But do you know what we really want? That carpet bag. It’s not an exciting magical object, and it’s probably not going to score us the romantic partner of our choice, but who wouldn’t want a pocket dimension of your very own from which any object can be pulled at a moment’s notice? “Oh dang, we blew a tire and used our last spare? Whatever are we going to do?” “Hang on everybody! Papa’s got a brand new bag!” Plus, if we can just figure out how to replicate the process we’ll put U-Haul out of business. Pity the bag itself is so retro. Maybe we can bedazzle it up a bit…
3. THE MAGIC CARPET FROM 'ALADDIN'
It’s a flying carpet. Sure it’s probably dry clean only but we think this baby’s still a winner. Gas prices skyrocketing? Who cares?! I’ve got a carpet. Get ready to zip around town in this baby, which does double duty as both a wagon and a place for shaggin’. Sure, it’s got less trunk space than a Lotus, but that’s never stopped anybody from buying a Lotus, has it? (If they had the money, anyway). Besides, if we can somehow snag both this enchanted accessory and Mary Poppin’s carpet bag (what is it about carpets?) then all of our worries are over. All of our worries.
2. THE KEY FROM 'THE INDIAN IN THE CUPBOARD'
A weird device but a damned cool one, the key from The Indian in the Cupboard – and not the actual cupboard, mind you – is actually a time travel device. Get a box with a lock on it, but an action figure in the box, lock and unlock it, and bam! A real-life version of just that thing walks out, transported from its historical era. The books were pretty clear about that, but in the (pretty darned good) movie it somehow also brought Darth Vader to life, working light saber and all. Think about the possibilities: reverse engineering sci-fi technology, George Washington helping you with your history homework, and studying real-life dinosaurs (albeit bite-sized). It’s an awkward system but the practical applications are endless.
1. THE WONDERFUL ICE CREAM SUIT FROM 'THE WONDERFUL ICE CREAM SUIT'
Not everyone’s seen The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit (it’s not even available on DVD), but this absolutely delightful family film from the director of Re-Animator is a classic. Based on the short story and play by science fiction legend Ray Bradbury (who also wrote the script), the film tells the story of five Hispanic gentlemen – Clifton Collins, Jr., Esai Morales, Edward James Olmos, Gregory Sierra and… Joe Mantegna? Whatever you say… – who pool their meager resources to buy a share in a magical white suit. Stylish as hell (it literally glows), the wonderful ice cream suit has the ability to do only one thing: improve your life. The mariachi seduces every woman on the block into an enchanting musical number, the poet inspires a community, the jerkwad sees the light, and so on. It’s the perfect magical object, giving you exactly what you want without a single downside, and it’s appropriate for practically any occasion… before Labor Day.