I’m always amazed at the way humanity has bastardized holidays into glorified excuses to drink. I mean I’m not upset about it, I’m more… impressed. If this was 1910 I doubt anyone would believe we could make a major competitive drinking event out of the remembrance of a surprising Mexican victory over the French. Of course for Mexicans everywhere this is a major day of celebration of their culture… but to everyone else it’s basically “Tequila Experimentation Day”. To be fair it can be considered “Tequila Experimentation Day” for Mexicans, too.
This guy knows what I'm talking about!
Tequila, if I can go off on a tangent here, is the closest to being criminal that any alcohol can be. Just sitting there all innocent in its glass prison, waiting for you to drink it, and punch a cop, or whatever debauchery it enables you to do. I once got in a worm eating contest with a friend and ended up smashing a shot glass on the bar with such force it showered glass bits on a nearby hottie… who was not impressed in a “bad boy” way. I’m not proud of it… but it happened.
The point is I am writing this before my annual Cinco de Mayo celebration, and planning to edit it tomorrow during my annual hangover. But why? What about this major Mexican political celebration seems to have the keys to my and America’s liquor cabinet? Well it might not be the most popular answer but here goes….I will take any and all excuses to drink be they major political events, perversions of religious ceremonies, greeting card company inventions, or even tax day. Hell I’ll drink in memory of other times I drank. I have before, and I’ll do it again, and in celebration of that time I did it before.
I wonder what America would become if we all just took whatever excuse to drink we might dream up and didn’t wait to for some other resident culture to provide us with a holiday. A holiday I might point out that was for them a major symbol of pride until it became so much green puke in Times Square. More power to us all on at least finding things we can all drink together on as opposed to having some of us drunk and some of us sober… you know, like WORK.
If however a little more substantiation helps you get into the party spirit here are some pieces of advice for next year: Remember that, for some historians, the battle the French lost that prompted this holiday MAY have been an attempt to create supply lines for Napoleon III to support the south in the civil war. So without the stunning, outnumbered, victory of the Mexican people, who took back their own nation, we might just have had a very different nation. So this day IS important. Think about that next year when you pound back some shots.
And now a photo that represents how I feel right now:
Oh and if you’re of Latin decent and all this history is news to you? Get a grip of your history dude, you don’t need me telling you this stuff, I’m just looking for excuses to drink.