She Likes You, Stupid!

We can all agree that when it comes to ladies, men aren’t morons. They’re more akin to the special needs students of the classroom. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

One of the most frustrating things for women is when we give you clear signals that we’re interested, that we’re waving you in to first base and we get a whole lot of nothing. Most women feel helpless when they realize that the only way a guy will know that she likes him is if she taps him on the shoulder and says, “I like you. How about dinner?”

Men, treat this list as a series of guideposts that you can apply to a co-worker, friend or local bartender. These are the signs, these are the FACTS that she’s open to at least a make out (with you—I felt compelled to add that part as I know who my audience is, gents).

1. She touches ANY part of your body EVER—particularly if this happens more than once. Listen, we established in yesterday’s article that women live with the threat of rape as a backdrop to their lives. Most women won’t touch a man—not on his sleeve, not on his shoulder, butt, head chest, wrist, elbow what-have-you unless they wouldn’t mind a touch back. Most women don’t desired unwanted touching. So they don’t touch men. Once they start touching a particular man, as harmless as it may seem, they’re saying, “Hey! Give me a touch too!”

2. She invites you over to her house, for ANY reason. If she lets you inside the batgirl cave, she is most likely open to the idea of you pushing her up against a wall and letting your tongue do a jig in her mouth. Again, it all goes back to the rape-fear. Women don’t want to be raped. Our apartments are good places for a date rape to happen. We don’t want that. So if you do get the invite even if it seems like for the dumbest thing—like she has an ashtray in the shape of Tom Selleck’s head as Magnum P.I. and you want to borrow it for your next party—she’s still open to you and your tongue. Note: this one is especially true if the woman in question could avoid inviting you up really easily—like bringing in said ashtray to work .

3. She says stuff that isn’t funny. Now most men think nothing of this, but they should. When women say things that aren’t funny—the un-humorous statement is not what’s important. What’s important is the fact that she was trying to get a laugh out of you. She was trying to be charming—as if she was reliving some episode of Gilmore Girls in her head (I don’t know—I don’t watch the show either).

4. She never talks about other dudes or if she does it’s always in a negative way. DING DING DING. She’s trying to show you she’s interested! She doesn’t have any other romantic interests. YOU are her romantic interest. And if you weren’t, you’d OVERHEAR her talking about her romantic interest. Women know how jealous men can get and she doesn’t want you to think that there’s some other dude striking her fancy—you’re striking her fancy. So go do something about it!

How do you like me now?