Greatest Movie Monsters Ever

I don't know about you, but I was scared.

Nash Herringtonby Nash Herrington

Last week saw the release of JJ Abrams’ mysterious monster flick Super 8. I think that calls for a good ol’ fashioned list, don’t you? Here’s the Greatest Movie Monsters Ever.

 

5. Fishy Bastard (The Host, 2006)

On the surface it may seem like there’s really not that much to find scary about this vicious little bugger. A half-fish half-dog combination that quite literally takes a nap midway through its mauling spree, the beast from Bong Joon-Ho’s The Host initially appears to be a little timid when compared to some of the other monsters on this list.

But just look at the way it hunts down those poor Korean bastards. Pursuing them like they were miniature Frisbees and it were a gigantic, terrifying Labrador, it ruthlessly devours them before spitting them back up in its makeshift home, in preparation to devour them once more as and when it feels like it. It’s purely menacing, even if it does have the dietary habits of a hamster.

 

4. Tyrannosaurus Rex (Jurassic Park, 1993)

It’s common knowledge that dinosaurs + ? = Profit. It’s what makes this zombie trend so baffling. In the past year alone we’ve had about 17 zombie videogames already, and not one major title featuring a dinosaur. What gives? It’s like no-one currently working in the gaming industry has watched Jurassic Park. Or Jaws; my other gripe is that there aren’t enough games featuring sharks. Sort it out, chaps.

But I digress. The T-Rex that stomped about Steven Spielberg’s film set was so pant-wettingly terrifying that the months prior to watching it were spent in constant fear of it waiting for me outside the bathroom door. I was but a wee child, mind you, so this behaviour was reasonably acceptable, but the fact remains that the T-Rex was a pretty scary dude.

 

3. Kong (King Kong, 1933/2005)

We’re including both interpretations in this one, because while Peter Jackson’s take on the 1933 classic was exhausting and an all-around nightmare to sit through, his Kong was more apelike and therefore more believable than Cooper/Schoedsack’s slightly constipated effort.

Kong’s a bit of a miserable sod, but you can’t really blame him considering he’s spent most of his existence being pestered by the rambunctious neighbouring dinosaurs. So when an attractive blonde in the form of Ann Darrow appears on the scene, he does what any self-respecting man/ape would do; he abandons his life of pummelling prehistoric creatures in the mouth and heads to the The Big Apple, searching for that illustrious American Dream with his new-found love.

Unfortunately this doesn’t end very well for him, which is a shame. But hey, at least he’s our third greatest movie monster of all time. That’s gotta count for something.

 

2. Whatever It Is (The Thing, 1982)

The terrifying thing about The Thing is that it can be whatever it gets its mouth on. This makes tracking it down and killing it quite the pain in the arse. It also means you can never use the phrase “you are what you eat” again without thinking of it.

The Thing is unique in that it appears to have no shape of its own. Well, none that I personally know of, but I suppose there are an abundance of theories on the internet as to what its original form is. If I was to hazard a guess I would say that it’s probably Ditto from Pokémon.

As you watch Kurt Russell & Friends slowly become overwhelmed with paranoia and start to turn against one another, you begin to question what you would do if you were in their position. Would you try to control the situation using logic or reason, or would you trap them all inside a room and shoot them in order of who you like the most? Decisions, decisions…

 

1. Great White Shark (Jaws, 1975)