Let’s face it. It feels good to be an ass sometimes. It does. It’s called “Schadenfreude,” and it means to take pleasure in the misfortune of others.
The pranks in this article are not meant solely for indiscriminate malice. They’re meant
for dicks. And you know who they are… You see them at the store, at the movies, and
at your work. They are called “the self-entitled.” And they think everyone in the world
owes them a giant favor, and if they don’t pay up, then they become assholes. And, far
too often, self-entitled dicks take it out on someone who does not deserve at all. This ends
What we’re going to do is tell you a few ideas that will help you really raise some
anarchy and get even with those who think they’re better than you.
The Pile Up
How it works: During a busy time of the day, find a parking spot in a crowed lot. Wait a
few moments. Now, put you car in reverse, and put your foot on the break. Keep it there.
Feel free to read a book, have a couple smokes, enjoy lunch, listen to the radio, whatever
you want. This is your time now. Cutthroat patrons will wait for HOURS trying to get
your space. See how many cars you can get choked up behind you. If you feel like it, put
your car in park and let the group pass and do it again. You can also make a game out of
it with a friend by seeing up how many car you can get waiting in line for your spot.
The White Christmas
How it works: TP-ing someone’s house is a thing of the past. If you know were a self-
entitled dick lives, then this should be easy. Go buy yourself a giant bag of bean-bag
stuffing. Should be about ten bucks at any Wal-Mart, Target, etc., and simply spread the
stuffing around the lawn of said jerk. They are impervious to lawn mowers and they’re
too many to pick up by hand. From a distance it looks like the lawn has been hit with a
light dusting of snow. Hence the name.
Fish in the Pocket
How it works: Now this trick is not meant for one specific person but more or less,
a group of people — namely, people who shop at a particular clothing store. Go buy
yourself some goldfish – twenty cents apiece at any store. If you have a moral objection
against killing fish, then put them in a bowl and wait for them to die of natural causes,
which they’ll do in a very short amount of time. Once they’re dead, or if you’re a
sociopath, and fish are still alive, put them in the pockets of all the jeans and pants that
you can find. Once someone buys them and takes them home they’re going to very
shocked and irked to find a dead fish in their new pant pocket. I suggest hitting up
American Apparel, Bannana Republic, Guess, or any other douche-y store.
How it works: Ass-face boss? This is an excellent one for the office. Make sure the
paper tray in the printer is loaded up nicely. Then, if you can get your hands on a packet
of butter (preferably foil wrapped from a restaurant), slip the exposed butter on top of the
paper. Now, since the printer prints on the side facing-down every page that comes out is
going to have a giant buttery grease stain on the back of it.