Selling Out Is Awesome

It's finally time to admit teenage you didn't know everything.

Sax Carrby Sax Carr

High School is a very serious time. It's the time when you think everything is the biggest deal, you know everything there is to know, and nobody in the world has it harder than you do. And all of those things are bullshit. We know that now, but there are vestiges of our teenage mindset that for some reason we hold onto well into our adult lives. The perfect example of this? Hatred for 'selling out'.

Teenagers hate sellouts because they haven't experienced the real world. They've never been late paying rent, or known the anxiety of taking a classy girl out and only having enough for McDonalds. When they want something, they just have to whine until their parents buy it. When you're an adult and you want something, you have to have the money to buy it.

Or ask your 'new parents' for an 'allowance' at 20% interest.

(image by Daquella manera via flickr)

As an adult who has spent most of the last decade doing what he loved for free and doing what he hated for money, I will happily tell everyone to sell out as fast as you can. Because teenagers miss the most important thing. You aren't giving in to the corporate establishment- you are convincing people with money to give it to you for something you want to be doing anyway. When you think about it that way, it kinda sounds like the best thing ever.

That's because it is. I'm working for Crave now, but if they offered me twice the money as long as I didn't insult stupid people, you know what I'd do? I'd take the money, write about other things that I want to write about, then find other people to pay me to make fun of stupid people. You know why? Because if you're good enough at something, there's always someone out there willing to pay you for it.

Sometimes, you don't even have to be good at it.

And that's the way capitalism works. I may not think it is the best way to do it, but it's the way of America, and I don't think China is hiring many comedy writers at the moment. This is where I am, and likely where you are. So why fight it? All that leads to is shitty jobs shilling electronics or moving furniture, while your rage against the 'Establishment' slowly builds. You know what you're mad at? The fact that you haven't taken advantage of said 'Establishment'. Get over your hangups and make some money.

Because money makes the god damned world go round. It's a sad, horrible, disgusting truth, but unless you have enough money to feed, clothe and house you without fear of missing payments regularly, you will be miserable. No matter what happens. You could get a full-time job at the secret Super-Hooker Test Facility at Area 69 where you just get blowjobs and eat grapes all day, but if you're still not sure how you're eating when you get home, you won't be happy.

I'm not financially stable yet, and I'm certainly not buying caviar and servants to eat it off of with my Crave money. But I am getting a taste of what it's like to be rewarded financially for the actual skills you've spent time developing in your life. And that's the best feeling you could ever have. That is the invisible hand of the market, giving you a hi-five and saying "Dude, you rock." Do you really think the smug self-satisfaction of 'sticking it to the corporations' by slowly starving to death unnoticed in a hole is better?