If romantic comedies are to be believed, there are many ways to go about winning back the love of your life. 80% of those ways involve meeting her at the airport before her plane takes off. 16% require actually chasing down the plane on the runway. Whether your real life idea is plane-related or not, here’s one approach we can all agree not to take: creating a stalker-y YouTube slideshow video like the one below, which recently hit the front page of Reddit…
Unfortunately, all we know from this video is that YouTube user charlesddt1 wants Megan back. What was Megan’s reaction to this touching, not-creepy-at-all photo montage? The following is my guess.
The Reaction Charlesddt1 Imagines He’ll Get
Charlesddt1 lies on the couch, playing God of War, in a desperate attempt not to think… about her. However, the bird-woman goddess boss Kratos hacks and slashes away at on screen reminds Charlesddt1 about how Megan flew away from him, like some kind of bird woman goddess hacking and slashing away at his heart.
It’s nighttime and pouring outside, but Charlesddt1 can still make out a figure passing his apartment window from the corner of his eye. Is it the Philly Cheese Steak Pizza he ordered from Domino’s, which will fill only the longing in his stomach? The doorbell rings and Charlesddt1 pauses the game to look for a shirt to wear. Once he locates a clean extra long black t-shirt under his desk, Charlesddt1 continues moping around the apartment for his moldy gym shorts while the doorbell rings again and again.
Finally, Charlesddt1 takes a deep breath in and opens the door. It’s Megan, wearing a skimpy rain jacket with bare legs and rain soaked hair. She pants, out of breath.
“I saw the video,” Megan gasps. “I rushed over here as soon as it ended. I don’t remember why we broke up, but I do know this: your video, with its incredibly romantic Keith Sweat soundtrack, scratched out faces of my friends, and extreme digital close-ups of my boobs and legs, has made me unfathomably wet. And I don’t mean because I rushed out into the rain to see you.”
With that, Megan steps into the apartment with her extra-high “do me” heels, peels off her jacket and reveals she’s completely naked except for her shoes.
“I want you back, Charlesddt1,” she whispers into his ear.
“Hells yeah,” Charlesddt1 shouts! “I knew that if I made a video about wanting your body, I would then get to have sex with your body. Thank you Jesus, YouTube and Keith Sweat!”
They make love right there on the living room floor for hours and hours and hours. At one point, the pizza guy attempts to make his delivery, but the only delivery that Charlesddt1 needed was a boob delivery, which he received all night, courtesy of Megan.
The Reaction I Assume Charlesddt1 Actually Got
Charlesddt1 sits at his desk, when he notices a new email in his inbox… from Megan! He clicks it and it reads:
“please remove the video from youtube and dont call me again, you f***ing freak.”
“It’s okay,” Charlesddt1 thinks to himself. “I just need to make more videos. A LOT more videos.”
He spent that evening downloading photos from Facebook, using MS Paint to cross out girl’s faces, and masturbating furiously all the while.
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator, “The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans,” in comic book stores across the country.