Kung Fu Master Hates You

The Wu-Tang Clan isn't the only thing not to f*** with.

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

I was on a real martial arts kick the other day, watching Jackie Chan fight Jet Li, and watching the training sequence for the Praying Mantis Style of Kung Fu. Hilarious.

But there is one constant in these martial arts films: the Master. He (rarely a "she" for some reason) is typically an old wizened hermit who chooses seclusion over showing off his martial art skill. The Master is also a prime dickhead.

The Master is either so straight-laced and disciplined that he never is pleased by anything the student does ever; or he is a drunkard enigma, so frustrating to work with, constantly asking the student to do inane tasks that no martial arts is ever seen until the end of the montage.

In short, the Master hates you.

So before you think about trekking to the nearest Chinese wooded area to become stronger and seek revenge against the man who killed your father/mother/family/dog, take some of these Kung Fu Master maxims to heart.














You can reach me, the Master of Comedy, by contacting me @cravesam. Btw, I made all these, so throw me some cred if you use them. Peace go with you into darkness of the internet.