He doesn't know it, but we've been watching Dwight Howard very carefully over the past few weeks. No one seems to know where the soon-to-be free-agent will end up, but because of the amazing pictures we've uncovered, we do!
Check it out.
"I'm tellin' ya. It's Brooklyn or bust. I know it's the Nets, not the Knicks, but I hear that part of the city has amazing sausages."
"Why not the Bobcats? That's just funny. I said I wanted to play with MJ. Not for him."
"OK. Let's get some head-shots in. Look at my smile. Wouldn't it be perfect for Los Angeles??! Dwight - 'Hollywood' Howard...hmmm.. I like the sound of that! Get Kobe on the phone."
"No. I don't want Houston. Linsanity? Please. You sure the Lakers can't make a deal right now? Don't lie to me! You've been jealous ever since I told you about the role I landed on iCarly."
"Fo' real. I'm so cast-able. Seriously, look at these hands. You know what they say about big hands."
"I will eat this basketball! Just get me to L.A!"
"Hey look, it kinda looks like the space needle. I wouldn't mind playing in Seattle ya know. Yo, Jameer! Get the Sonics on the phone!"
"What do ya mean the Sonics moved to Oklahoma?? The Thund..OREOS!!!"
"Gimme back my milk."
"The Russians will pay me how much?? All I need is a physical ASAP?? Let's do this! Just be gentle."
Josh Helmuth is the editor for CraveOnline Sports. You can follow him on Twitter @JHelmuth or subscribe at Facebook.com/CraveOnlineSports.
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This was a parody and none of the aforementioned quotes were actually noted by Dwight Howard.