Fucking AXE COP!!
I wanted to start this review with all kinds of hyperbole and rhetoric about the state of comics and how all writers today could take some much needed lessons from eight-year-old Axe Cop scribe Malachai Nicolle. Then it struck me. There is no way something as genius as Axe Cop: President Of The World could come from an adult. Not because an adult writer couldn’t come up with neat non-sequiturs or wacky hijinks, but because they wouldn’t have as much heart. Nothing in Axe Cop seems forced or phony, because this is how the mind of an eight-year-old comic book lover would work. Kids see things all at once and thusly their stories are told that way.
What happens in Axe Cop: President Of The World? First, Axe Cop is having nightmares about talking gorillas. Then his chief of staff, a talking dog dressed like the CIA, informs Axe Cop that the world leaders are waiting for him. Axe Cop creates a new capitol for the planet earth called Axeville. It’s really a small town called Oakville in Washington, but the people are okay with the name change and it’s easier since it already has “Ville” in the title. See, this is true genius at work.
Axe Cop builds a solid gold white house (called the Gold House) and then, when asked when the bad guys will return, Axe Cop excuses himself to go ask God. At one point, Axe Cop needs a new army, so he draws one with a giant pencil that he got from “a rabbit artist on the beach”.
I will repeat that.
“A rabbit artist on the beach”…fuck you, fuck me, fuck all of us. This is the shit comic book dreams are made of.
Axe Cop then meets the Goo Man, who is really a carpenter who had soaked himself in a tub until he was wrinkled. Aliens, in need of a wrinkled man, flew by and kidnapped him in an attempt to turn the wrinkled man into an alien. The machine failed and the man is now made of green goo, though the aliens did keep his family. Axe Cop agrees to help the Goo Man mainly because when he sneezes on you, the goo goes into your brain and makes you his slave until you cough it out.
Meanwhile, Axe Cop has announced a million years of peace before bad guys return. So, being a responsible leader, he sends all the superheroes one million years into the future for the big battle. This enrages an alien scientist, who calls upon the various planets to invade Earth. Giant Robots, Apple Men From The Apple Planet, and my personal favorite, the men of the Soccer Planet all gather to invade Earth. Goo Man is trying to convince Axe Cop to help him when Axe Cop runs into a talking gorilla.
This Gorilla, named Junior Cobb, is seven years old, but on his planet as you grow up you become stupid (how true), so he is the smartest talking ape around. Did I mention that the apes on his planet walk on their tippy toes and have tails? No? Well, that’s because I was too busy having an aneurism. Anyhoo, Junior Cobb bought a broken alien machine and gave himself powers. His fingers are machine guns; he can grow to any size and shoot anything out of his tail.
It’s at this point I thanked God I wasn’t on strong acid for this book.
Axe Cop, Goo Man and Junior Cobb rush to the ape planet and save them from being enslaved by giant robot penguins. Then, they search for Goo’s family but find nothing. Back on Earth, the bad guys are coming so Axe Cop and his bros jump forward in time - only the bad guys never show up. The aliens fooled us and are attacking in the present led by a cheetah driving a motorcycle.
That’s issue one. Issue two will probably leave me drooling and trying to throw my head out of the window after cutting it off my neck.
Malachai’s brother Ethan is the artist behind Axe Cop and he does another magnificent job. It’s clear he loves and understands his brother and can translate the rapid-fire ideas to paper. Ethan has a very animation-based drawing style that is perfect for this book. Bold lines, huge scenes, lots of random details and odd pencils. Ethan enriches the already rich world Malachai lives in. I really don’t think anybody else could draw this series.
Axe Cop: President Of The World not only gives me hope for comics, but for humanity as well.
(5 Story, 4.5 Art)