At one point in Axe Cop: President Of The World #2, a couple of bad guy robots from a robot planet take the space needle and decide to use it to stab God.
I bring this point up because a review of Axe Cop is a ridiculous thing to attempt. Why try it? The very fact that this exists is cause for celebration. Everybody who loves comics should love Axe Cop. Well, maybe not the hipster kids who still think Dan Clowes, Scott Pilgrim or Ghost World is the best comics could ever hope to accomplish, but everybody else. If you need further proof of why Axe Cop could be the best comic book out there, then let’s take some samples.
Earth is being attacked by a Chee-Rex, a half T-Rex, half cheetah that rides a flying motorcycle made of the aforementioned robot brothers. The Chee-Rex shoots a spring out of its mouth that bounces Junior Gobb into space. Who is Junior Gobb? A giant ape with a tail that shoots out anything he wishes for and hands that look like canons and fire guns. How does Gobb get back to Earth? He punches himself from planet to planet of course.
The bad robots remove the needle of Seattle’s space needle and, low and behold, a giant pink alien with multiple eyes and tentacles lives under it. The muted horror destroys Seattle and then flies home. The bad robots try to turn the world against Axe Cop by making a huge robot of Axe Cop that does terrible things. When nobody believes that the skyscraper sized robot is actually the human Axe Cop, the robots become incensed. They join with the Baddest Bad Guy In The Universe and unleash hell on the world. They even blow up the Good Guy Universe, an alternate universe where there was only good.
Why not have the bad robots set fire to a plant planet before drinking all the water (through giant robot straws) on the water planet and kidnapping the Water Queen so she can bake a poison cake to feed the devil. Sure, the devil dies (but not really since nobody dies in hell), but the bad robots get control of the demon army. The Baddest Bad Guy In The Universe then decides to create the Every Man, which is a combination of the DNA of man and everything else. I could go on, but what’s the point?
Axe Cop isn’t genius because there are some kind of special cute-kid rules for eight-year-old author Malachi Nicolle, Axe Cop is genius because it’s the best stream of consciousness writing since Hunter S. Thompson discovered hallucinogenics. You can’t turn away from Axe Cop because it’s too amazing. If you do, then you’re only hurting yourself.
The art from Ethan Nicolle (Malachi’s 31-year-old brother) is awesome because everything he draws looks so cool you want Dark Horse to make a toy of it immediately. There is no higher praise for comic book art. So stop dicking around reading my review and go buy Axe Cop right now.
(4.5 Story/4.5 Art)