Cristiano Ronaldo’s Top 4 Pulling Tips

You don't have to be a multi-millionaire to have the same skills with women as Cristiano Ronaldo (but it helps).

Paul Tamburroby Paul Tamburro

Although you wouldn't typically consider footballers to be an intelligent bunch, there is a lot to be learnt from Cristiano Ronaldo, particularly when it comes to the fairer sex. Fortunately for you, I have detailed the top 4 facets of the Real Madrid star's appearance/personality that makes him appeal to women, and luckily they have nothing to do with footballing skill or yearly earnings:


4. Wear Tight Shorts

Ideally you want to purchase a pair that accentuate the outline of your scrotum, but those among you who are less confident about the size of your member may opt for something a little less revealing. As Ronaldo shows us in the above photograph, teaming chrome penis-hugging shorts with a bright pink t-shirt will give you that unique "I'm a multi-millionaire and none of my entourage will dare say that I'm wearing ridiculous clothes" look.


3. Show Your Vulnerable Side

Despite being over 6' in height and of muscular build, Cristiano Ronaldo has spent an awful lot of time in his career writhing around the football pitch following challenges from much smaller men. There could only be one reason for this; he wants to show all the ladies watching that he has a gentle and vulnerable side. Follow in his footsteps by falling to the floor in the middle of your office, holding your leg and screaming in agony, before trying to get one of your co-workers fired.


2. Wear All of Your Hair on One Side of Your Head

Although he has since had it chopped off in favour of a more traditional haircut, for a while Ronaldo was sporting this rather unconventional trim. Although it may look a bit like a ramp attached to his scalp, who are we to question the judgement of a multi-millionaire football player with a model girlfriend?


1. Be Arrogant

Ronaldo once said that people boo him because he is "rich, handsome and a great player", and it's exactly this lack of humility that you should hope to emulate. So if you spot an attractive female standing at the bar, rather than walking up to her and politely asking if you can buy her a drink, you should instead lean into her ear and seductively inform her that you shampoo your hair twice per day: "I also condition it frequently", you should say, before she inevitabiy drags you by your penis into a taxi back to her place.

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Photo: Header Image, Photos 3 & 1 – Getty Images,  Photos 4 & 2 –