If no one else is going to come out and say it then I will, "SOCIAL MEDIA REALLY SUCKS YOU GUYS". And before you start bagging on the messenger, if you love to tweet, f-book, ping, pin, post or Zoosk, or do whatever you do on the internet you're already a crack addict. A person with no idea how deep you're in.
I'm here to pull your head out of the water for a minute so you can breathe some fresh air.
And look, after I'm done with my dissertation you can go right back to refreshing your facebook homepage when you should be working. Cause that's what the modern workforce is now, roaming about online in our headspace when we should be building things for god's sake.
EVEN THIS CAT DID MORE THAN YOU TODAY. IT MADE A FRIEND. (via)
Which brings me to my first point.
Thousands of years of human evolution, whether we wanted it to or not, conspired to give us brains, feelings, emotions, thought, the ability to build, the ability to learn. We were of the earth. If you didn't have food, you made it, grew it, killed it. Men and women began developing gender identity, operating in groups, speaking with one another face to face. Suddenly, we were a part of a whole. We were the human race.
And we looked ugly back then too!
The Gerard Butler of his day. (via)
From your screaming birth until your end you belonged. There was no arguement. We all contributed to a whole. Whether that whole was crap or excellent I'll leave to the book readers.
So now here's what happens...
In the last, I'm gonna say thirty years give or take, the natural order of our brains, our society, our everthing has been inexorably dragged into the putrid miasma of electronic hums and whirs. Lightning no longer strikes us from the heavens, it sits, crackling underneath our fingers while we beat out tiny rhythms into our keyboards.
...Electric jazz man.
When you're born you're assisted by miracles of modern science, before you even breathe you are injected with drugs, chemicals, inflicting forces designed solely to adjust your humanity. Teaching still happens by people, but soon, just as you're old enough to really understand what the hell is happening, you are plopped in front of your absolute worst enemy:
The Monitor. DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUNNNNN.
Whether it's a television, a movie screen, or most likely a computer screen, you will spend more time worrying, thinking, looking at, reacting to, and learning from this thin medium of light and color than your mother or father. It might as well be a part of your family. And closer to you than some friends. The kind of deep, personal inner life you develop with your computer is staggering, and, at worst... frightening.
Robots are real. And they're all in your head. You created head robots.
You take pictures with a monitor, you love your iPad, it talks to you just like dad, and when you want to shut it up you can. It saves your plans, and tells you how to make jam. Then mix it with gin, and recount all the lands that you'll never see and never go. Cause you're dead broke. Cause you spent all your money Amazon shopping at home.
By the way, if you haven't watched "Amazon Yesterday Shipping" you should. Here, I already got it for you using SOCIAL MEDIA.
Now you have a brand new family. You share where you are, what you eat, how you breathe, how you think, and stare so long at the monitor that it strains your eyes. You look up from it and it hurts to see anything else. It hurts to think. But the monitor makes it easy. Honestly, just google YouTube already.
And social media is the thing that pollutes your brain. That what you do today, tomorrow, yesterday is worth saving and sharing and free advertising... BUT ALL THE TIME AND INSTANTLY NOW GO AND TWEET ABOUT IT.
Here's all I'm saying...
After those thousands of years of human living the ability to live your entire life online is a completely modern phenomenon. I'm talking the last few decades. Think about what a drop in the hat that is. Think about how much time you spend reading and spending your own few, precious, waking decades in the indulgence of a device that seeks to replace your genuine, human experience by marginalizing your self-worth into digits and numbers!
We're living in a Phillip K. Dick story everyday and we don't even realize it. Maybe we don't care. But I friggin do and I have to say so.
The absolute addiction some people feel to their online lives, even the act of reading online (or lurking or whatever it's called) is filling your brain with ideas and impressions of what your self worth is. Don't let it happen. Don't be a crack addict.
If you see a friend utterly losing their mind over a tweet, or private message, or anything else they see online just slap them. Their reaction and ensuing conversation will be realer to them than anything they were just worrying about.
Remind them that life is worth living, and hopefully that zombie apocalypse really does come because nothing lets you appreciate life like being surrounded by death. And trust me, we won't worry about "checking in" to the apocalypse.
And breathe... Good. Now we can have the kittens again.
If you would like your webseries, comedy short, or other inane thing you post on the internet reviewed, just message me here @cravesam <-- HYPOCRISY
I also do a podcast that takes a comedic look at history every week on Crave Online called Historectomy, give it a listen and subscribe on iTunes!