So you're in a relationship. After months of drunkenly ambling about in clubs attempting to attract the opposite sex like an alcoholic peacock, you've finally struck gold. However, no relationship is perfect, and you've inevitably come across your fair share of issues in your fledgling romance. Here are the 4 most common problems men have with relationships.
"She thinks we should spend more quality time with each other, but I just want to go out drinking"
Problem: At times you probably feel conflicted between your understanding that being in an adult relationship requires you to behave like an adult, and your inate desire to consume a lot of alcohol before getting sick on your shoes. Your girlfriend, out of concern for your deteriorating health, has suggested that you perhaps lay off the drinking for a while, and that you spend some quality time together. "She's trying to change me", you probably thought to yourself. "This is where it starts. First she doesn't want me to drink one weekend, next thing I'm spending my Saturdays weeding the driveway. I need to get out of here!"
Solution: In truth, it's completely within the realm of possibility for you to balance spending time with both your girlfriend and your liver, but logic and reasoning are irrelevant when you've already booked a one-way flight to Magaluf.
"She gets annoyed when I fall asleep straight after sex"
Problem: In an ideal world a woman's orgasm would be just the same as a man's. It'd be easy, quick, and followed by the type of indeterminable regret that can only be cured by sleeping. However, in reality it is much more complicated, and following the point of climax many women appreciate a cuddle. Some even want to talk. Imagine that. Imagine having a body that is actually capable of conversation after sex. Insanity. Unfortunately, your habit of turning your back to her and falling straight to sleep isn't as charming as you may think, with her stating that your emotional distance from her following intercourse makes her feel "a bit like a prostitute".
Solution: In order to successfully avoid a post-sex confrontation whilst simultaeously enjoying a good night's sleep, you must administer the Hug 'n' Roll.
"We argue over ridiculous things"
Problem: It's been said that arguments are beneficial in a relationship, but chances are whoever said that had never been involved in an hour-long debate concerning who left bacon out of the freezer. While you expect to have conflicting ideas with your girlfriend over important topics directly affecting your relationship, you did not expect to spend your Saturday afternoon screaming at each other over you forgetting to record the Great British Bake Off, or that she found one of your pubic hairs in the kitchen sink.
Solution: Spending so much time with each other will inevitably lead to you both discovering things about each other that you may dislike, but how you express your dislike of these things is what will either make or break your relationship. For instance, discussing your problems in an adult, civilised manner will likely lead to you resolving those problems. However, angrily chasing your girlfriend around the house with a hammer will likely lead to your arrest.
"She keeps saying that she's bored"
Problem: In the majority of relationships, men are the "settlers". Whereas women will more than likely be the ones looking forward to the future, men would happily spend their weekdays doing nothing more than playing video games and going to the pub. Inevitably, this will lead to her growing bored, which will then lead to you having to get off your arse and pretend that you're not boring.
Solution: Fun is often associated with spontaneity, but you needn't spend every weekend throwing yourselves off of the edge of a mountain to get the spark back in your relationship. Simply spend more time with her, go to nice restaurants, and if that doesn't work then at least you've still got the mountain as a solid plan B.
Photo: Getty Images/Volanthevist/Sean Marc Lee/lina aidukaite/Dusica Paripovic/francescatilio.it
Paul Tamburro is the UK Editor of Crave Online. Follow him on Twitter @PaulTamburro