If a company wants to sell a product to a man, they stick an attractive woman in its commercial. Unsurprisingly, these attempts to galvanise us into throwing our cash at them often fall just short of the mark, as there's only so many time these companies can lure us in with boobs before they've ran out of ways to subtley hypnotise us with the promise of areolas without coming across as chauvinists.
The following 5 commercials were attempts at being both original and sexy. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be the case.
Kate Upton's Car Wash
There's very little margin for error when you cast Kate Upton in a commercial intended to capture the attention of a male audience, but somehow Mercedes dropped the ball when it comes to this Super Bowl ad. Featuring the production values of a college media project and a soundtrack apparently performed by that weird transvestite alien from Jabba the Hutt's palace, Merc essentially pay Kate Upton to wear more clothes than she's been witnessed wearing in public for 2 years, while getting her to stand a reasonable distance away from the car they're supposedly advertising. Consider our wallets closed and our penises flaccid.
Pepsiwoman is too shy to not wear a ski mask whilst out jogging, yet hasn't even invested in a decent sports bra.
When you name your commercial "Upskirt" you've already set the bar pretty low, which is why it's pretty surprising that this Hyundai ad isn't nearly as perverse as its title suggests. However, if your thing is women with sweaty faces holding ice cream and standing in front of cars that literally growl at them, then whip that hand cream out, champ, because you're in luck!
Now I haven't been to McDonald's for a few years, but I'm fairly certain that Ronald McDonald didn't look like this. While it should be said that those gloves are doing something for me, she bares too much of a resemblance to everyone's favourite nightmarish fast food restaurant mascot, and to top it off she's holding a tomato, which everyone knows is the least sexy of all the fruits.
"Hey Ong Ong!"
This is what porn will look like when Japan finally makes those sex robots.