Online dating is a multi-million dollar industry, and we’re constantly hit up with stats on how many long term relationships and marriages begin online these days.
But, I’m going to go out on a limb and say a vast majority of guys reading these words is not only not in a relationship due to online dating — but those same men don’t know anybody else who found love that way, either. I put it to you that online dating is a bit of a sham of a myth of a farce.
Still, if you’re going to try it out and give it a fair shot just to prove smug pundits like me wrong, you need to know why it often doesn’t work and what you need to do to improve your odds.
You’d better realize that these are meant as tips and not tricks. A lot of dating advice out there is just cheap or deceitful tricks to get laid dressed up pretty. Here’s the problem with picking up those tricks in hope of hooking up instead of looking to meet someone special: If they work, you end up with a women who’s easily tricked. Congratulations. While you’re dealing with the woman you suckered, a smart and interesting companion is headed elsewhere.
Cue the inevitable online list.
1) Beware the Perpetual Online Dater: We’re talking about women here, but — in fairness — some men are guilty of this, too. There are would-be cyber daters out there who kid themselves into thinking they’re really looking for romance because they have an online profile on any of the major matching sights. However, because of work or ego or fear, they’re really not looking to meet anyone. They swap a virtual social life for the actual, more intimate act of meeting people.
In their heads, they’re saying, “It’s not my fault I’m perpetually single. I’m looking online. I just haven’t met the right person. It’s their fault, not mine.” The truth is that they’re not willing to take the risk or to make the sacrifice of time and energy needed to date.
To avoid this type, look out for profiles or online presences that repeat from day to day or site to site. Ask yourself why exhibit X is always available and never connecting with a man.
Also, don’t be this type yourself. Man up and push to meet some women, rather than just chasing online ghosts.
2) Bite the Bullet and Pay Up: There are a lot of free dating sites out there like Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, and there are legit potential dating partners on those sites. Still, you get what you pay for in this world.
If you can afford it, focus on the dating sites that require a fee. Sure, it might irritate the hell out of you to hand over your money to simpering gasbags like that eHarmony founder guy — but women willing to pay to meet you are probably more serious about finding a man. Those same women obviously have jobs enabling them to decorate the mahogany — and therefore are more self-sufficient, intelligent and educated than the freebie seekers.
3) Take or Find Some Decent Pictures: While we guys hear endlessly about how superficial men are compared to women — how the ladies are more likely to look below the surface and search for character or a sense of humor — that’s a load of old bollocks. Women are human, and humans are inherently visual. It doesn’t mean that men and women don’t evaluate character, humor or behavior. It’s just a hard truth that looks matter initially. Hence, we have Tinder – the most superficial, shallow yet successful dating app ever to come along.
So, always pick some quality photos that catch you at your best, preferably smiling. The brooding, dangerous, intimidating type might be secretly attractive to some women. But, if such women were still looking for bikers and assassins, they wouldn’t be online dating.
Also, include some photos in which you’re dressing to impress. A little class goes a long way to distance yourself from the competition.
All that said…
4) Leave Your Damn Shirt On, You Buffoon: Women using online dating are doing so to protect themselves as much as to find love. The distance of the Internet saves them from dealing with arrogant, narcissistic, overly aggressive dimwits — the kind of guys who proudly post photos of them flexing in a mirror for all to see. Women are visual, too — but what they’re seeing in such photos isn’t your physique. It’s your creepy, clueless, pubescent ego.
5) Pay Attention to Her Photos: I don’t mean simply fixate on the hottest girls and pursue them at all costs. That path leads to endless pains in the arse. Ask yourself, “Is she smiling? Is she with friends? Do her eyes tell you she’s pondering the mysteries of life or wondering how much you’ll spend on her in jewelry? Is she making duck lip kissy faces in every shot? Is she in a suit and posing with the Prime Minister of Bali? Is she hiding behind her Lhasa Apso?” Just as you’re sending an image of who you are through your photos, she’s doing the same. Don’t ignore that message.
Now, while you put tips one through five here into practice, be sure to look for part two of this story here.