We’re continuing our look at the wicked, wayward paths of online dating in the hope of avoiding some of the pitfalls and improving your chances. Running on the theory that the phenomena is overhyped and not as successful as the pundits and dating sites would have you believe, it helps to look at what doesn’t
Below you’ll find tips six through 10. Before we hit that, though, here’s a quick callback to Part One and items one though five.
1) Beware the Perpetual Online Dater.
2) Bite the Bullet and Pay Up.
3) Take or Find Some Decent Pictures.
4) Leave Your Damn Shirt On.
5) Pay Attention to Her Photos.
All that said — and I can’t stress number four strongly enough — let’s take it home through 10 and get you one some online ladies’ radar.
6) Learn to Read: No, I’m not taking a swipe at the intelligence of the average male online dater. I’m urging you to take a second and read what her online profile says. No woman wants to think she’s just the latest ball you’re swinging at before you tee up the next. Not only does reading her profile (regardless of length) fill you in on her personality a bit, but it allows you to pick out some personal detail or remark she made that you can raise in your response. Turn that into a question and get conversation rolling.
Just make sure not to make light of it. Never make fun of a woman, boys. It never ends well.
7) Believe What She Tells You: Inexplicably, there are women who pride themselves on coming off like nuclear bitches on their online dating profiles. I don’t get it. It seems like a lot of work and trouble to choose a dating sight, write and post a profile that tells guys not to approach the author of that profile. I don’t know if they think looking titanium tough makes them more attractive. I don’t know if they figure it’s best to be honest and let their bitterness emerge right away. However, if a woman goes out of her way to tell you in writing that she’s an angry, defensive, man-hating princess, life is just too short. Look elsewhere, no matter what you’re visual cortex says.
And, believe me, she is looking for the same negative, hardened attitude from you. So, lighten up in your profile, too. She should and will toss you aside if she sees that you’re subconsciously trying to warn her off of you.
8) No Means No: Watch out for profiles that are full of what the lady does not like. If she spends her profile words carefully laying out what she doesn’t want, don’t expect a surplus of positivity should you date. It’s just as easy for any online dater to lay out a profile that lists positive concepts as it is to detail who shouldn’t contact them.
9) Don’t Get Bogged Down in Chat: Are you trying online date to meet women or to become some crazy cat lady’s pen pal? Online dating presents a safe, jab distance way to meet members of the opposite sex — and chatting or message exchanges allow users to avoid those first painful moments of introductory small talk.
At some point, though, the chatting needs to stop and the communicating must begin. After a couple online messages, it’s time to connect by phone or to meet over coffee, lunch, etc. If you allow the exchanges to remain anonymous from behind a keyboard, they can get stuck there forever. If she hasn’t agreed to meet up (or at least talk by phone) after two email exchanges, move on to another lead.
10) Don’t Oversell Yourself: The kind of smart, savvy women you’re looking to attract can sense when they’re getting a sell job. If your profile is too self adulating — full of the accolades of a professional conquerer or soaked in your countless list of personal interests and accomplishments — your profile will seem pre-package, phony and tiresome.
Women are also gifted with the ability to sense when they’re being told exactly what they want to hear. Droning on about how much you love puppies or how only real men cry will ring alarm bells, too.
Just don’t go overboard in your pitch. I don’t mean be sheepish or portray a lack of self-esteem. Don’t talk yourself down hoping she’ll be attractive to the timid lap dog type. Be a man — just without the demeanor of a used car salesman.
Instead, say something about yourself that’s not a subjective selling point. How do you live your life? What are your attitudes and feelings about why you live it that way? Rather than list your professional resume, explain why you work the career you chose. Take a shot at being yourself online because it’ll only take one phone conversation or one date for her to figure out who the man behind the curtain is.