Dear Mr. Odom,
Or should I call you LO, or the candy man as you have been dubbed by the press. Lamar you’re my favorite player in the NBA despite the fact that I’m a Clipper fan, actually it’s because I’m a Clipper fan that I’m a Lamar fan because once a Clipper always a Clipper as far as I’m concerned. I’m writing this letter to convince you to stay with the Lakers. I know that sounds crazy but hear me out.
Unlike most fans I have no animosity for our cross town rivals, instead what I want is for the two teams to face each other in the Western Conference Finals and that can’t happen for a bunch of reasons most of which have nothing to do with you. But here is what you do have control over, the future of the Lakers. Without you the Lakers aren’t the best team in the west, and it’s important for my vision of the future for you to remain on the team.
The Clippers are trying to put it together and if they can stay healthy and keep Allen Iverson away then they will have a chance to compete in the west, but if you leave the Lakers? You see what I’m getting at Lamar, we need you to keep the status quo.
I’ve heard rumors that you’re really thinking about heading back to Miami. That’s stinkin’ thinkin’ my friend, they are the team that gladly traded you for Shaq, you don’t owe them anything, but you do owe me, the fan. C’mon man I’m a Clipper fan who only roots for the Lakers when you’re on the team, if you leave I’m stuck with just the Clippers and all the jokes that come along with it.
Let’s face it, the Lakers need you and you need the Lakers, and you know why? Because the only thing better than a championship ring is two championship rings. Plus, from what I hear candy tastes sweeter the more jewelry you wear while eating it. Plus your arrival at the Miami Heat will start World War 3 for reasons I haven’t exactly fleshed out yet, but it will happen. Could you please stay with the Lakers if for any reason to avert nuclear holocaust? If you love life as we know it, then you’ll save all of humanity and play for the Lakers.
There is also the issue of Ron Artest and his arrival in LA, don’t you east coast guys like to stick together? Well, what are you waiting for? You’re buddy Ron is already here and I’m sure you guys have much to discuss, his music career and your candy fetish to start. You could also talk about all the titles you want to win together, see? Your already best friends as far as I’m concerned and apparently my opinion of you is the only one that matters.
My final argument is of course the most brilliant, I need you to play for the Lakers so I can buy NBA 2K10 when it comes out. I play as you on 2K9 but don’t really feel like using the Miami Heat. C’mon man, no one wants to play as the Heat, not even D-Wade. Apparently he likes using Lebron but will never admit it.
In the end I warn you, don’t be swayed by Dwayne Wade and Alonzo Mourning, I’m sure they are very nice guys and all but they have an ulterior motive. They want to win a championship and that’s why they are courting you, not because they love candy as much as you do those are just lies. They want you for your on court talent, but to be fair they lost you fair and square and now we own you, I mean we want you to remain with us in LA. If I have to I’ll buy you some gummy bears to sweeten the deal I will, no pun intended.
