The Olympic Games are slowly working through the second week. As a casual viewer, you may need some extra incentive to brave some hardcore dressage, intense rhymic gymnastics and the grand-daddy of sport, walking. To help make your next Olympics viewing party extra special, we present to you (drum roll, please) … the 1st Annual CraveOnline Olympic Drinking Games!
Hope Solo Tweets
Hope has been averaging more tweets per day than saves per game. See if you can keep up by taking a shot everytime she tweets.
Take two if she is picking a fight.
Olympians cry when they get hurt. Olympians cry when they lose. Olympians cry when they win. Crying seems to be a requirement. I’m starting to get the feeling that NBC tells everyone that their odds of screentime will increase tenfold if tears are shed.
Take two shots when Bob Costas is on screen.
Take three shots if Lolo Jones is involved.
A Teenager Does Something Your Old Butt Can’t
Raise your hand if you can pull yourself up on the uneven bars. The rest of us, raise your glass if you can’t and secretly loathe every little punk gymnast. Same goes for those twirling divests. While you are at it, drink hard when you see 17-year-old boxer Claressa Shields and think how badly she can beat you up.
McDonald’s, a Proud Sponsor of These 2012 Olympic Games
Nothing says ‘athletes at their prime physical peak’ like 3000 calories of fat infused cheeseburgers. Take a shot for every commercial.
Take three shots if their logo appears next to a medal count.
A Country Whines About Their Suckitude
The German swim team looks paltry and the Rhineland turns into the Whineland. India’s field hockey team failed and New Delhi moans. The entire Austrailian contingent seems to forget it’s a supposed 'athletic country' and the fans hit the blogs to complain. It seems like everyone is whining. Well, everyone except the Brits, who are known for whining.
Take two shots if it’s a silver medalist pouting — and they're American.
Michael Phelps is On TV
I am so sick of this guy. The Olympics is the one time where little known sports and little known athletes have a time to shine. All of that is tossed out the window whenever Costas or some other NBC hairdo mentions Phelps. He had his moment, now let’s talk decathlon. Every time you see Phelps' saturated face, take a shot.
Women’s Beach Volleyball
Personally, I love beach volleyball, but there is a noticeable difference of coverage between television and newspaper. The reason is simple. Women in bikini bottoms bending over and grunting a lot makes for great television. Take a shot for any gratuitous shot shown.
Take two shots if the bottom in question is during a montage during a broadcast of another sport.
Ryan Lochte's mom told the world how he only has time for one night stands. Aly Raisman's parents have a viral video of their reaction their daughter's performance on the gymnastics mat. To add to her shame, they were told to sit down by other spectators. Anytime the cameras go to the parent's reactions and you cringe on behalf of the athlete, take a shot.
What is the best way for NBC to create interest of unknown athletes for the casual fans at home? Run a five minute feature on how an Olympian overcame adversity to succeed. It wouldn’t be so annoying if they didn’t also try to ram down the spectacle of NBA millionaires beating up on teams who can barely afford uniforms. I feel for them, truly I do, but their stories pale in comparison to the Para Olympics. Watch an archer with no legs or a marathoner confined to a wheelchair and then talk to me about sacrifice.
Take two drinks if the montage feels like a commercial for a Lifetime movie.
BMX Biking seems to be based on the idea of ‘last man standing’ gets the gold. Every race has a spectacular wipeout. Every race in the preliminaries had a crash. I can’t believe all of the racers haven’t been adorned with stickers to attract NASCAR fans.
Hardcore drinking bonus round – take a shot for every racer involved!
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