1. Rulebook Guy
This guy thinks he missed his calling as a basketball official. He's the bozo who will call traveling, charges, or three second violations during a pick-up game. He wants to follow the letter of the law to a fault. It does not matter to him that the game is being played by a sandbox and the net is half chain/half dental floss. This guy believes he is calling the shots in Madison Square Garden.
2. Mr. Excuses
This Guy always has an excuse ready to go, in order to explain his awful performance. He either just finished lifting weights, tweaked his ankle, wearing the wrong shoes, or there is something wrong with the basketball. When Mr. Excuses gets embarrassed, he goes to the vault for one of these excuses.This guy always tells you of how awesome he played the day before. Its just on that particular day, his 'mad skills' are nowhere to be found.
3. You Fouled Me Guy
Aw yes! Everyone knows this guy. There is no way he could have missed a shot. It had to be the result of a hard foul. You'll often see this guy's presence when an embarrassing block or steal occurs. His finishing move is the "you fouled me" after the other team steals the ball and gets a fast break to score the game winning basket.
4. The Guy Who Thinks He Can Dunk
Mr. Slam Dunk always wants an alley-oop from his teammates. He thinks he can fly. You can count on this guy to get a fast break opportunity. A simple lay-up is too easy for this guy. He has to try and throw it down for the imaginary fans. He'll go up with the ball. He will lose it mid-air, graze the rim, and yell. It turns out this guy can't dunk.
5. The Guy Who Never Fouls
You can expect "never fouls guy" to mug you throughout the game. His go-to moves consists of forearm shivers, slapping of the wrists, scratching, and sometimes hitting you in the face. He belongs in the Octagon; not on the court. If you finally call a foul, be prepared for an argument and accusations of being a crybaby.
6. Blue Jeans Guy
This guy always wants to join the pick-up game but has never heard of basketball gear. He will always be sporting blue jeans and probably some hiking boots. No one has the guts to tell him he can't play out of fear of him being a murderous drifter.
7. Super Sweaty Guy
No one wants to guard this guy. 'Sweaty Guy' is at every basketball court in the world. It doesn't matter if its 20 degrees below zero. He will always be soaked with sweat. Super Sweaty Guy usually pads his stats due to no one wanting to guard him.
8. The Eager Shirts/Skins Guy
For some players, the only way they can determine if you're on their team is if you're shirtless. The eagerness of the "skins guy" stems from working out and being too proud of his body. The other out of shape teammates are forced to show off their Will Ferrell body type as a result…
9. The Old School Legend
Look for this old man to be sporting two knee braces and only wanting to play half-court. Although, this guy can barely move anymore, he can nail jumpers like Jimmy Chitwood from Hoosiers. Don't expect a long appearance though.'The Legend' always leaves early due to a knee or back injury.
10. Jersey Guy
Sports merchandise stores love this guy and his bank account . 'Jersey Guy' wears his Kobe Bryant Lakers jersey. He also likes to wear the matching Lakers shorts, wristbands, headband, and sneakers.
11. Allen Iverson
Otherwise known as "a black hole", Allen Iverson will surely ruin your pick-up game. Passing is not in his vocabulary. This guy will only play point guard and he considers it unacceptable for anyone else to touch the ball. 'Allen Iverson guy' loves to tell everyone to clear out so he can isolate. He loves to show off his fancy and unnecessary dribbling moves right before he throws up a brick. Rinse and repeat. Everyone else on the court might as well sit down.
12. The Guy Who Takes It Too Seriously
This might be the most unpleasant person of the group. Its impossible for this guy to just enjoy a basketball game. He has to play the game like the high school state championship is on the line. He will argue over the score, try to fight you, slam the ball against the wall, and yell at teammates. He's the Uncle Rico character from Napoleon Dynamite just trying to re-live the glory days.
Joshua Caudill is a writer for CraveOnline Sports. You can follow him on Twitter@JoshuaCaudill85 or subscribe at Facebook.com/CraveOnlineSports.