Welcome to CraveOnline's Idiot Box Updates, where we run down all the latest TV news and separate the facts from the rumors and nonsense on and about the small screen!
Here's a list of the top 20 prime-time shows by viewership numbers, compiled by Nielsen Media Research for March. 16-22:
1. "American Idol" (Wednesday), Fox, 23.71 million viewers.
2. "American Idol" (Tuesday), Fox, 21.89 million viewers.
3. "Dancing With The Stars" (Monday), ABC, 21.22 million viewers.
4. "60 Minutes," CBS, 17.04 million viewers.
5. "NCIS," CBS, 15.84 million viewers.
6. "The Mentalist," CBS, 15.49 million viewers.
7. "Desperate Housewives," ABC, 14.75 million viewers.
8. "Grey's Anatomy," ABC, 14.61 million viewers.
9. "Two and a Half Men," CBS, 14.12 million viewers.
10. "Criminal Minds," CBS, 13.74 million viewers.
11. "CSI: Miami," CBS, 13.61 million viewers.
12. "House," Fox, 13.13 million viewers.
13. "CSI: NY," CBS, 12.79 million viewers.
14. "Dancing With The Stars" (Tuesday), ABC, 12.74 million viewers.
15. "Amazing Race 14," CBS, 12.42 million viewers.
16. "Without a Trace," CBS, 11.87 million viewers.
17. "Rules Of Engagement," CBS, 11.42 million viewers.
18. "Cold Case," CBS, 11.41 million viewers.
19. "24," Fox, 11.36 million viewers.
20. "Castle," ABC, 10.96 million viewers.
Here's a list of the top 10 cable shows by viewership numbers, compiled by Nielsen Media Research for March. 16-22:
1. "WWE Raw" (Monday, 10 p.m.), USA, 3.61 million homes, 5.35 million viewers.
2. Movie: "Northern Lights" (Saturday, 9 p.m.), Lifetime, 3.53 million homes, 4.53 million viewers.
3. "WWE Raw" (Monday, 9 p.m.), USA, 3.5 million homes, 5.2 million viewers.
4. "SpongeBob SquarePants" (Saturday, 9:30 a.m.), Nickelodeon, 3.26 million homes, 4.06 million viewers.
5. "NCIS" (Saturday, 9 p.m.), USA, 3.2 million homes, 4.26 million viewers.
6. "Hannah Montana" (Sunday, 7:30 p.m.), Disney, 3.185 million homes, 4.53 million viewers.
6. "NCIS" (Monday, 7 p.m.), USA, 3.185 million homes, 4.23 million viewers.
8. "SpongeBob SquarePants" (Monday, 5:30 p.m.), Nickelodeon, 3.11 million homes, 4.27 million viewers.
9. "SpongeBob SquarePants" (Saturday, 9 a.m.), Nickelodeon, 3.08 million homes, 3.87 million viewers.
10. "NCIS" (Saturday, 8 p.m.), USA, 3 million homes, 3.99 million viewers.
The Sci Fi channel has ordered a triplet of fantasy miniseries, including a retelling of "Alice in Wonderland" and the comic-book hero story "The Phantom". They'll also be developing an adaptation of the "Riverworld" fantasy books by Philip Jose Farmer. All the projects are four-hour movies from prolific production company RHI Entertainment.
"Alice," written and directed by Nick Willing, is planned for the end of the year, while "Riverworld" and "Phantom" are expected to arrive sometime next year. The latter two will air as pilots of sorts - they could get series orders if they pull enough interest in their initial airing. The network did the same years ago with "Battlestar Galactica."
"We thought 'Alice' was the perfectly underlying material to tell a classic story with a modern twist," said Robert Halmi Jr., president and CEO of RHI entertainment. "We'll have new incredible worlds and a more grown-up feel."
Peter Krause and Maura Tierney are taking another shot at prime-time with NBC's pilot "Parenthood," based on the hilarious 1989 movie that starred Steve Martin and Dianne Wiest.
Krause ("Dirty Sexy Money") will play Adam Braverman, a married man with two children who's a bit out of his mind under the surface. "ER" veteran Tierney will play his sister, Sarah Braverman, a single mother.
Dax Shepard will play the youngest Braverman, a slacker. "Coach"'s Craig T. Nelson will play their father, a Vietnam vet-turned-actor/hippie. Mae Whitman will play the rebellious 16-year-old daughter of Tierney's character.
Why do chicks watch late-night comic Chelsea Handler's show? She's bitchy, condescending, ugly and has an entirely unentertaining delivery style. She doesn't wear her sarcasm well, but somehow Handler has just signed a deal to extend her E! Entertainment show "Chelsea Lately" through 2012.
In a massive pact with E! parent Comcast Entertainment, Handler also is establishing a production company, Borderline Amazing Prods., which will have a first look-deal with Comcast's suite of cable networks. "Chelsea Lately," which launched in 2007, attracts more women aged 18 to 34 than broadcast rivals Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson and Carson Daly. Sources say the contract is worth eight figures and that Handler had suitors from the broadcast networks.
I don't get it. I don't think I've seen a more painful talk show since Chevy Chase threw his hat in the ring years ago. This woman is the absolute opposite of funny or interesting. She's a shit-talker with nothing to offer. Bad move, E!.
Denise Richards' whory ass was tossed off this week's "Dancing With The Stars," falling to former "Girls Next Door" bimbo Holly Madison. The 38-year-old washed-up attention hound said after Monday's performance that she "would be shocked" not to be among the low-scorers forced into the dance off — a last chance to increase her judges' scores and remain in the competition — with her professional partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy.
But despite what judges said was an improved samba, the couple failed to dominate fellow low-scoring couple, Madison and Dmitry Chaplin. I'll just leave it at that.
Speaking of "Dancing With the Stars," A restraining order has been issued against a man authorities say tried to break onto the set in order to meet contestant and 17 year-old Olympic champ cutie Shawn Johnson.
Court records show an order was issued against Robert O'Ryan, who was arrested by Los Angeles police on Tuesday. According to documents that accompanied the restraining order application, O'Ryan was stopped by security at CBS Studios, the lot where "Dancing With the Stars" is staged, after he jumped on a fence on Monday afternoon.
Police later searched his car and found a shotgun and handgun — both loaded — as well as duct tape and love letters.
A sworn statement by Johnson's mother, Teri, states that she was told by police that he believed he was meant to have a child with her daughter.
She is "in fear of her life," her parents' attorney wrote in a restraining order application.
Jeri Ryan is back! The gorgeous actress will play a lawyer on three future episodes of "Law & Order: SVU" starting Tuesday, April 7.
"Jeri Ryan's the real deal. She brings a compelling intensity to her roles, and we're lucky to have her as a kick-butt attorney on 'SVU,'" executive producer Neal Baer says.
In addition to "Shark," Ryan was a regular on FOX's "Boston Public" from 2001-04 and on "Star Trek: Voyager." She's also had recurring parts on "The O.C." and "Boston Legal."
"South Park" makes its Blu-ray debut with the release of Season 12 this week, and it's worth a look for any fan of the long-running animated series.
Season 12 may not exactly feature some of South Park's best episodes, but the show is still one of the most brilliantly satirical and hilarious programs on television.
"Six Days to South Park" is the most compelling of the set's special features, containing a bit where several members of the creative team explaining the process of turning Trey Parker's idea into a show in just six days. Going through the process day by day, viewers will see that turning South Park into one of the most current shows each week is a massive task, and that most on staff make their deadline with only minutes to spare.
Matt and Trey also provide commentary on the episodes, which is absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately, the commentary is limited and only runs through the beginning of each episode.
Technically, the set is slightly lacking (video maxes out at 1080i, not 1080p), but South Park still looks amazing in HD. Yeah, I said that.
According to TBS, George Lopez will begin hosting an all-new talk show for the network in November, featuring a casual outdoor street-party atmosphere. It will air Monday through Thursday at 11 p.m., and will be designed for audience interaction by both Lopez and the guests, which will range in the standard late-night fare of celebrities, musicians and comedians.
“If change can come to the White House, then change can come to late night,” said Lopez. “Yes I can!”
Cartoon Network is branching out of the animated field a bit with the announcement of nineteen new projects on the horizon - less than half of which will be hand-drawn.
"These exciting new projects represent the next phase in Cartoon Network's ambitious, ongoing strategy to re-invent the network and re-energize our youth business overall," said Stuart Snyder.
These new non-cartoons will start airing in the coming 2009-2010 season and feature reality and scripted programs, none of which sound very original. "Highlights: The Othersiders" is a mini-"Ghost Hunters," with five friends exploring scary places; "Destroy Build Destroy" is like "Human Wrecking Balls," with two teams blowing stuff up; "Dude, What Would Happen" is a "Mythbusters" clone; "Bobb'e Says" takes the ridiculously funny child actor Bobb'e J. Thompson (Human Giant, Role Models) in his own take of "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Rest assured, potheads - Adult Swim isn't going anywhere.
