Bibbs: Hi! This is William Bibbiani, the Film Channel Editor at Crave Online (everyone calls me Bibbs).
Witney: And this is Witney Seibold, the guy from Three Cheers for Darkened Years.
Bibbs: And in retaliation for The Idiot Box taking up precious article space on the Film Channel with their Top Ten Movies Based on TV Series, we have decided to return the favor, and talk about ten movies that haven’t been adapted into TV shows that would be f***king awesome.
Witney: They take over our turf, we take over theirs. That’s how it works.
Bibbs: We were going to do the Best TV Shows Ever Based on Movies, but, um… We don’t care.
Witney: And the list is surprisingly short. I mean, you have In the Heat of the Night, M.A.S.H. and what else?
Bibbs: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, obviously. I’d say Genndy Tartakovsky’s Star Wars: Clone Wars… Not the CG one, the 2D one (duh). Those were amazing. But yeah, not many. And a lot of the ones that are supposedly great we haven’t even seen. The Third Man was turned into a television series, and it’s hard to find.
So instead, here are our picks for movies that should make a great television series, and – to date – have not.
Witney: I wanted to do something really cutesy and suggest Godard’s Breathless, or Eraserhead…
Bibbs: That would be pretty tiresome.
Witney: ...or Lolita: The Animated Series. But I decided to go for TV shows I would actually like to see. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Actually, Lolita: The Animated Series is a pretty cool idea.]
Bibbs: Okay. And what was our #10?
Witney: #10 was Mister Lonely.
10. MISTER LONELY (dir. Harmony Korine, 2007)
Witney: Now…
Bibbs: What the hell is Mister Lonely? I’ve never even heard of Mister Lonely.
Witney: Mister Lonely is a Harmony Korine film, it came out in 2009, it has Diego Luna and Samantha Morton in it. Diego Luna plays a Michael Jackson impersonator…
Bibbs: Like you do…
Witney: …and he has been rejected by society and his family…
Bibbs: Oh, he’s playing Corey Feldman?
Witney: (Chuckles despite himself) – I suppose so, ***hole. He’s discovered by Samantha Morton, who ‘plays’ Marilyn Monroe, and he’s taken on a boat to this island which is populated by misfit celebrity impersonators. They have this weird, kind of Twin Peaks-y but very friendly society on this island…
Bibbs: It does sound like it could be a very funny, bizarre concept. I don’t know where it belongs. Adult Swim, or…?
Witney: Somewhere in between Pushing Daisies and Twin Peaks, I’d say.
Bibbs: So it’s going to get cancelled immediately but it’s going to have a huge cult following.
Witney: A great cult following.
